Comment on The Science of GAYDAR by inspiredcreativity
I assumed Jesus was circumcised since He was born into a Jewish family and that is still the tradition.
So are there health benefits to it? I keep hearing that it does. Probably because it is hard to get the area between the penis and the foreskin clean. (weird subject, but I am curious...surprisingly)
I don't like the fact that they torture boys to do it though...
I wondered by Autism was considered Mental Retardation back then...was it because some have an inability to talk or learn? Or the fact they cannot communicate like everyone else??
So are there health benefits to it? I keep hearing that it does. Probably because it is hard to get the area between the penis and the foreskin clean. (weird subject, but I am curious...surprisingly)
I don't like the fact that they torture boys to do it though...
I wondered by Autism was considered Mental Retardation back then...was it because some have an inability to talk or learn? Or the fact they cannot communicate like everyone else??
One benefit of circumcision is a significant lower rate of penile cancer. But as I said, there is also a huge decrease in general infections (urethritis, which of course women are prone to get also) , STDs and HIV transmission rates (most studies show 66 to 75% lower infection rates of circumcised men compared to uncircumcised men). Additionally, there are a number of problems specifically accosted with foreskins, such as inability to retract, too tight, oversensitivity, frenulum problems, etc.
If boys are not actively taught good hygiene practices at a young age, it can lead to getting urethral infections, as well as other foreskin problems.
You might be wondering WHY there is such a higher rate of infection. The inside lining of the foreskin is a mucous membrane, which makes it almost a direct disease vector into the body, like getting a cold virus on your finger and putting your finger into your nose or rubbing your eye. It also is the perfect warm, moist and dark environment ideal for bacterial growth. If a boy or man is using good hygiene practices there should not be any higher rate of NSU (Non-Specific Urethritis) infections.
Unfortunately, in America, there is so little education around boy's health and anatomy, and so much embarrassment and shame around the body, specially the genitals and sexuality that boys with Foreskins are too embarrassed to talk to anyone when problems arise, such as retraction problems, too tight, oversensitivity, etc. I see young guys suffering up into their 20's before finally seeking help. This is very unfortunate considering that many of the problems have very easy solutions, solutions I help boys with when they ask me about it.
Boys are not even taught how to do self-exams for testicular cancer, and this is a caner that strikes almost exclusively in boys around 15 to 25 years old.
This same problems around a lack of education is true of many girls too. For example, many girls have a mild to significant fear of sex, of pain for their first time, but the very fear of sex is what can make it painful. It is often not taught that a girl or woman needs at least 45 minutes or more of foreplay to achieve the proper vaginal expansion and natural lubrication. Without this, penetration might indeed be painful. Anxiety, fear or stress can prevent vaginal expansion and lubrication, as well as tense all of the muscles, which actually need to relax.
Girls often fear the first time having sex due to the Hymen Myth:
CONCLUSION: Education about your body and sexuality is abysmal in the United States:
THE TRUTH ABOUT BOYS & SEX
Boys think about sex about once every 7 seconds. However, boys are not the sex maniacs they are made out to be. Seventeen and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy partnered on a survey of 1,200 15-22-year-old boys by TRU, asking them questions about what they want from their relationships, and how they think and feel when it comes to sex and hooking up. The major findings:
Teen boys are not the sex-crazed, confident guys we see on TV and in the movies; in fact, they want girls to speak up when it comes to making important decisions about sex.
Teen boys aren’t all sex-crazed players.
In fact, most say they’re looking for love and relationships over casual hookups:
66% say that they, personally, could be happy in a sex-free relationship (while in school)
54% would rather give up sex for a month than give up the Internet for a month
75% would choose to wait to lose their virginity to someone they love than to lose their virginity as soon as possible
Guys admit that they’re pretty confused about sex—physically and emotionally.
There’s a huge need for accurate information and more communication:
70% are confused about what a girl expects from them after sex
63% are confused about what’s pleasurable for a girl
42% didn’t know that a girl can get pregnant during her period
34% didn’t know that two condoms at the same time is not more effective than just wearing one
Guys are under tremendous pressure to have sex.
They’re walking the line between what they want, and what they feel like is expected of them:
78% say there is way too much pressure from society to have sex
21% have been pressured by a girl to go further sexually than they wanted to
60% admit they’ve lied about something related to sex, like how far they’ve gone or their number of sexual partners (often to appear cooler or more experienced)
————————————————————————
AUTISM
Autism can present in many different ways. The more intense the Autism, the less functional the child is in daily life, especially around communication and social interaction.
One of my disorders is called Sensory Integration Dysfunction. This means that the brain is not integrating the body's senses into the other functions of the brain normally. For example, each of my eyes was reading independently of the other, and my brain was not integrating the right and left eyes together in one composite image. Therefore I was seeing double. i was unable to learn how to read, so the teacher just gave me crayons and put me in a back corner of the room.
I also have Dysgraphia, which is trouble expressing emotions in writing, but also poor handwriting and awful spelling.
But please keep in mind that if an Autistic young person pushes hard to overcome these things, and especially if they get special educational therapy, these challenges can all be overcome, as I did. This is due to the human brain's capability of rewiring itself, something called NEUROPLASTICITY.
When you practice doing something repeatedly for months and years, your brain starts to rewire itself to get better at that function. If your grandmother has a Stroke, causing part of her brain to die, she might lose the ability to talk and become paralyzed on one side of her body. With intensive therapy, her brain can rewire itself around the dead parts and she will be able to talk again and use her entire body.
In Autism, it is the same way. They used to tell parents to not push their Autistic child to do what they have trouble doing, and focus on what they are good at. This was HORRIBLE advice and the opposite of how to do it. I pushed myself extremely hard and my life was studying, every spare moment. I had very little social life. I got good grades but had to work really hard to get them. this reinforced what everyone else kept telling me, which is that I was stupid, a moron, a retard.
The older an Autistic person gets, the more they have probably overcome their challenges. You would have seen me at age 12 as rather low functioning. When I was 18 to 19, my brain had finally caught up to rewiring itself and I suddenly shot way ahead of everyone else, doing so well that I cut an entire year off my Engineering Degree. I actually finished even earlier than that by a semester, but they would not give me my degree, despite my having a job already offered, because they said I had to wait for everyone else in that year's class. So I was asked to teach 3 courses at the Academy, Boiler Chemistry and Engineering Technology I & II, as well as tutoring and practical Engineering on the ship.
To answer your Question, the world is full of arrogant people, especially so-called 'professionals,' who think they know everything and get very set and rigid in their thinking. God only knows how many countless kids are told that they have low intelligence and should expect less in life, or reach for less in life, or get a wrong diagnosis because the person is arrogant and too lazy to actually take each case seriously.
When I was in 9th grade and was given an IQ test and a battery of vocational tests, my parents were brought in to talk to the counselor, along with me. He showed us a bell-curve of national intelligence, and showed that I was on the bottom of the bell-curve. He said that I was not capable of college.
In one of the very few times my father actually sat and talked with me, maybe because I was so distraught, he said, "Matthew, you have a big choice to make, you can either believe those people, in which case they are correct, you are STUPID, or you can go back and tell them where they can stick their test results (where the sun don't shine), and prove them wrong."
Never listen to so called experts who are telling you what you are incapable of doing, or not good enough to do, or your limitations.
Here is my personal advice to you: The greatest limiting factor in your entire life will be yourself, your own fears, your own self-doubts.
If boys are not actively taught good hygiene practices at a young age, it can lead to getting urethral infections, as well as other foreskin problems.
You might be wondering WHY there is such a higher rate of infection. The inside lining of the foreskin is a mucous membrane, which makes it almost a direct disease vector into the body, like getting a cold virus on your finger and putting your finger into your nose or rubbing your eye. It also is the perfect warm, moist and dark environment ideal for bacterial growth. If a boy or man is using good hygiene practices there should not be any higher rate of NSU (Non-Specific Urethritis) infections.
Unfortunately, in America, there is so little education around boy's health and anatomy, and so much embarrassment and shame around the body, specially the genitals and sexuality that boys with Foreskins are too embarrassed to talk to anyone when problems arise, such as retraction problems, too tight, oversensitivity, etc. I see young guys suffering up into their 20's before finally seeking help. This is very unfortunate considering that many of the problems have very easy solutions, solutions I help boys with when they ask me about it.
Boys are not even taught how to do self-exams for testicular cancer, and this is a caner that strikes almost exclusively in boys around 15 to 25 years old.
This same problems around a lack of education is true of many girls too. For example, many girls have a mild to significant fear of sex, of pain for their first time, but the very fear of sex is what can make it painful. It is often not taught that a girl or woman needs at least 45 minutes or more of foreplay to achieve the proper vaginal expansion and natural lubrication. Without this, penetration might indeed be painful. Anxiety, fear or stress can prevent vaginal expansion and lubrication, as well as tense all of the muscles, which actually need to relax.
Girls often fear the first time having sex due to the Hymen Myth:
- It is a myth that the Hymen breaking causes pain for the vast majority of girls. The hymenal tissue has largely worn away by adolescence. During childhood, most hymenal tissue thins and the opening widens, and it also wears away as a result of washing, walking, athletics, self-exploration, and masturbation, though little bits may remain around the vaginal opening, particularly in the area closest to the anus (hymenal tags). The younger you are, the more intact and thicker it will be.
If your Hymen is still intact, fingers, a penis or toys that penetrate to the Hymen hard enough, will penetrate it. For most girls, the hymen breaks without them even noticing, so there is no pain at all. Some describe it breaking with just a sort of pop and only a little bit of blood, about the same amount as mid-cycle spotting or at the very end of your period, sort of pinky discharge rather than blood. Some girls actually find their hymen breaking to be a pleasurable experience, not painful at all.
Some girls might experience some discomfort or pain if they have an unusually thick Hymen, which is rare. In rare more cases (1 in 200) the hymen opening is so small that fingers, tampons, and erections may not be able to enter comfortably or at all (imperforate hymen). This can be repaired with a very simple surgical snipping.
CONCLUSION: Education about your body and sexuality is abysmal in the United States:
- • The USA Teen Gonorrhea rate is about 450 times higher than in the Netherlands.
• The USA teen HIV Infection rate is 6 times higher than in the Netherlands.
• Many sexually experienced teens (46% of males and 33% of females) did not receive formal instruction about contraception and safe-sex before they first had sex.
• About one in four adolescents (23% of females and 28% of males) received abstinence education without receiving any instruction about birth control in 2006–2008, compared with 8–9% in 1995.
• A 2007 congressionally mandated study found that federally-funded Abstinence-only programs have no beneficial impact on young people’s sexual behavior.
• ONE in THREE American Girls Become Pregnant in Their Teens.
• The United States’ teen pregnancy rate is over 4 times that of Europe.
• In the United States, the teen abortion rate is twice that of Europe.
• Researchers found that European youth were significantly more likely to use Condoms than were their U.S. peers.
• Among teens aged 18–19, 41% report that they know little or nothing about condoms and 75% say they know little or nothing about the contraceptive pill.
• 87% of Schools teach sex education about pregnancy prevention and STIs in High School, instead of Middle School or Elementary School.
• Only 65% of high schools taught about condom efficacy and only 39% taught students how to correctly use a condom in a required health education course.
• Everyday in America 10,000 Teens Catch a Sexually Transmitted Disease.
• ABSTINENCE & VIRGINITY PLEDGES: Youth who making these pledges are now shown to have sex at about the same rate as all other youth. HOWEVER, youth who make these pledges have a much higher rate of STD's and Teen Pregnancy, showing that they are not using condoms, showing that their level of Sex Education is next to zero.
THE TRUTH ABOUT BOYS & SEX
Boys think about sex about once every 7 seconds. However, boys are not the sex maniacs they are made out to be. Seventeen and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy partnered on a survey of 1,200 15-22-year-old boys by TRU, asking them questions about what they want from their relationships, and how they think and feel when it comes to sex and hooking up. The major findings:
Teen boys are not the sex-crazed, confident guys we see on TV and in the movies; in fact, they want girls to speak up when it comes to making important decisions about sex.
Teen boys aren’t all sex-crazed players.
In fact, most say they’re looking for love and relationships over casual hookups:
66% say that they, personally, could be happy in a sex-free relationship (while in school)
54% would rather give up sex for a month than give up the Internet for a month
75% would choose to wait to lose their virginity to someone they love than to lose their virginity as soon as possible
Guys admit that they’re pretty confused about sex—physically and emotionally.
There’s a huge need for accurate information and more communication:
70% are confused about what a girl expects from them after sex
63% are confused about what’s pleasurable for a girl
42% didn’t know that a girl can get pregnant during her period
34% didn’t know that two condoms at the same time is not more effective than just wearing one
Guys are under tremendous pressure to have sex.
They’re walking the line between what they want, and what they feel like is expected of them:
78% say there is way too much pressure from society to have sex
21% have been pressured by a girl to go further sexually than they wanted to
60% admit they’ve lied about something related to sex, like how far they’ve gone or their number of sexual partners (often to appear cooler or more experienced)
————————————————————————
AUTISM
Autism can present in many different ways. The more intense the Autism, the less functional the child is in daily life, especially around communication and social interaction.
One of my disorders is called Sensory Integration Dysfunction. This means that the brain is not integrating the body's senses into the other functions of the brain normally. For example, each of my eyes was reading independently of the other, and my brain was not integrating the right and left eyes together in one composite image. Therefore I was seeing double. i was unable to learn how to read, so the teacher just gave me crayons and put me in a back corner of the room.
I also have Dysgraphia, which is trouble expressing emotions in writing, but also poor handwriting and awful spelling.
But please keep in mind that if an Autistic young person pushes hard to overcome these things, and especially if they get special educational therapy, these challenges can all be overcome, as I did. This is due to the human brain's capability of rewiring itself, something called NEUROPLASTICITY.
When you practice doing something repeatedly for months and years, your brain starts to rewire itself to get better at that function. If your grandmother has a Stroke, causing part of her brain to die, she might lose the ability to talk and become paralyzed on one side of her body. With intensive therapy, her brain can rewire itself around the dead parts and she will be able to talk again and use her entire body.
In Autism, it is the same way. They used to tell parents to not push their Autistic child to do what they have trouble doing, and focus on what they are good at. This was HORRIBLE advice and the opposite of how to do it. I pushed myself extremely hard and my life was studying, every spare moment. I had very little social life. I got good grades but had to work really hard to get them. this reinforced what everyone else kept telling me, which is that I was stupid, a moron, a retard.
The older an Autistic person gets, the more they have probably overcome their challenges. You would have seen me at age 12 as rather low functioning. When I was 18 to 19, my brain had finally caught up to rewiring itself and I suddenly shot way ahead of everyone else, doing so well that I cut an entire year off my Engineering Degree. I actually finished even earlier than that by a semester, but they would not give me my degree, despite my having a job already offered, because they said I had to wait for everyone else in that year's class. So I was asked to teach 3 courses at the Academy, Boiler Chemistry and Engineering Technology I & II, as well as tutoring and practical Engineering on the ship.
To answer your Question, the world is full of arrogant people, especially so-called 'professionals,' who think they know everything and get very set and rigid in their thinking. God only knows how many countless kids are told that they have low intelligence and should expect less in life, or reach for less in life, or get a wrong diagnosis because the person is arrogant and too lazy to actually take each case seriously.
When I was in 9th grade and was given an IQ test and a battery of vocational tests, my parents were brought in to talk to the counselor, along with me. He showed us a bell-curve of national intelligence, and showed that I was on the bottom of the bell-curve. He said that I was not capable of college.
In one of the very few times my father actually sat and talked with me, maybe because I was so distraught, he said, "Matthew, you have a big choice to make, you can either believe those people, in which case they are correct, you are STUPID, or you can go back and tell them where they can stick their test results (where the sun don't shine), and prove them wrong."
Never listen to so called experts who are telling you what you are incapable of doing, or not good enough to do, or your limitations.
Here is my personal advice to you: The greatest limiting factor in your entire life will be yourself, your own fears, your own self-doubts.
Yeah, I get pretty tensed up when I am about to have sex…it always feels weird to me and uncomfortable and I never gone all the way because of it.
I don’t think penetration is really for me. I hear most lesbians don’t.
I didn’t learn about a lot of things about contraception and such until my senior year of high school and even my first year as a freshman in college. It is sad. My hometown is just now having sex ed seminars for middle school children, so that is good, but I am not sure if it is purely abstinence teachings or safe-sex education, or both. I live in Oklahoma so more than likely it is just abstinence teachings.
Oklahoma is the 3rd state with the most teenage pregnancies.
Oh, heck, I might have a mind of a teenage boy then. I think about sex A LOT but also want to find love.
Wow! So you are like a reading chameleon or something. Lol.
Oh, gosh. I used to have so much trouble expressing my emotions, I am better now, but I guess I just have a bad case of writer’s block sometimes. I have DECENT handwriting I guess. I used to get made fun of my handwriting, people saying it looked like a fellow’s handwriting. Which where I am from is not a good thing.
Yeah, I was pretty low-functioning myself until I hit age 14.
These days they are now saying ANYONE can go to college.
I had one so called professional tell me females can’t have Autism. Omg, I wish I could sue him. My sister was even bewildered by him (she is a psychiatrist as well as a physician)
Yeah…I can’t tell you how many opportunities I passed up from my own self-doubt…I am not very confident and I don’t ever push myself…but I am in college and going well, so I suppose that is something.
I don’t think penetration is really for me. I hear most lesbians don’t.
I didn’t learn about a lot of things about contraception and such until my senior year of high school and even my first year as a freshman in college. It is sad. My hometown is just now having sex ed seminars for middle school children, so that is good, but I am not sure if it is purely abstinence teachings or safe-sex education, or both. I live in Oklahoma so more than likely it is just abstinence teachings.
Oklahoma is the 3rd state with the most teenage pregnancies.
Oh, heck, I might have a mind of a teenage boy then. I think about sex A LOT but also want to find love.
Wow! So you are like a reading chameleon or something. Lol.
Oh, gosh. I used to have so much trouble expressing my emotions, I am better now, but I guess I just have a bad case of writer’s block sometimes. I have DECENT handwriting I guess. I used to get made fun of my handwriting, people saying it looked like a fellow’s handwriting. Which where I am from is not a good thing.
Yeah, I was pretty low-functioning myself until I hit age 14.
These days they are now saying ANYONE can go to college.
I had one so called professional tell me females can’t have Autism. Omg, I wish I could sue him. My sister was even bewildered by him (she is a psychiatrist as well as a physician)
Yeah…I can’t tell you how many opportunities I passed up from my own self-doubt…I am not very confident and I don’t ever push myself…but I am in college and going well, so I suppose that is something.
I have heard gay men and boys say the same thing, but once it happens successfully, they find it wonderful. It is all about FEAR. Fear Drains Desire, and if you fear an aspect of sexuality, you may have no desire to do it. Also, Fear in sexuality, causes pain and discomfort. Therefore, if you do not deal with fear and anxiety around penetrative sex, and you force yourself to do it anyway, chances are it will not be a good experience. The answer is in dealing with the roots of the fear and anxiety, as well as waiting for someone you love and trust to do it with.
Young people and many adults make the mistake of thinking in terms of 'sex.' When 'Having-Sex,' the focus is on receiving pleasure, and when Making-Love, the focus is on giving pleasure. For people like me, there is no sex (except for just a few times in my life), it is all shades of intimacy and expression of Love. If you have a relationship with a narrower sexual intimacy experience and pleasure, it is a loss of shared intimacy and expression of Love that you could have experienced. Why limit that?
BARRIERS TO INTIMACY: Please take a quick look at my short deviation (you can download it): HUMAN INTIMACY - 101 [link]
The above deviation talks about how each of us have safety barriers and safety zones. If a stranger steps too close to you, you back-away or feel uncomfortable.
Your skin is your FINAL BARRIER. Seeing a needle penetrate your skin can be traumatic for many. It takes a lot of trust to allow someone to penetrate inside of you, be it a tongue, fingers, penis or toy, and be it in your mouth, vagina or anus.
Some people have very strong barriers and wide safety zones. I was physically abused for 16 years and had some issues around anal penetration, until I met someone I came to trust completely, then the angels sang. The second man I ever had oral sex with tried to force me to do anal sex and I knocked him out cold. I am not a violent man by any means, but high fear and adrenalin kicked-in.
Even the penetration of a tongue into a mouth, can be a big deal and a major penetration for some young people. The first french kiss for me, when three girls (Kim, Kim & Mead) grabbed me and dragged me behind a school building, felt like a rape, a disgusting assault. I did not want it. Any intimacy at all was an issue for me, especially since I am Autistic, let alone the years of physical abuse.
AUTISM & INTIMACY: It is typical for those with Autism to have issues around physical intimacy.
It is my understanding, from sex surveys, that a large percentage of women under the age of 40 use penetrative toys on themselves and with partners. I have not seen any data about Lesbians and penetration during sex, other than the ones I have talked to, where discussion lead to sexuality (I have no embarrassment talking about the finer details of Straight, Lesbian or Gay sex). Obviously I have not had a widespread sampling of the Lesbian Community, so I am unable to say what is common and what is not.
What I can tell you is that I have worked with a small number of both Lesbians and Straight women to overcome fear of vaginal penetration, and it was successful. However, to be fair, they wanted to get over the fear to be able to give their lovers a fuller experience and to please them. What they found was that overcoming their fears allowed them a wider range of sexual pleasure, which also helps in keeping sexuality vibrant over the long-haul (wider variety).
I can also tell you that while some women you meet will be like you and have no problem having their sex-life being limited, others will see it as a deal-breaker. Such is life. this is an issue for Gay for some gay men as well. I know a guy who has been looking for a partner for 26 years, someone who will only want Frottage (rubbing together) and no other sex. Others who are exclusive bottoms or tops are limited to guys who can match that. Those not wanting anal sex at all are also rarer to find.
My big question to all such people is, Why limit your sexual experience, why not get the most pleasure possible from this shared intimacy? You can overcome your fears and anxieties around physical and sexual intimacy.
About desiring Love, the vast majority of humans desire love, but not all of them are willing to be receptive to love. It means opening the door for love, being willing to trust and to love another yourself.
Young people and many adults make the mistake of thinking in terms of 'sex.' When 'Having-Sex,' the focus is on receiving pleasure, and when Making-Love, the focus is on giving pleasure. For people like me, there is no sex (except for just a few times in my life), it is all shades of intimacy and expression of Love. If you have a relationship with a narrower sexual intimacy experience and pleasure, it is a loss of shared intimacy and expression of Love that you could have experienced. Why limit that?
BARRIERS TO INTIMACY: Please take a quick look at my short deviation (you can download it): HUMAN INTIMACY - 101 [link]
The above deviation talks about how each of us have safety barriers and safety zones. If a stranger steps too close to you, you back-away or feel uncomfortable.
Your skin is your FINAL BARRIER. Seeing a needle penetrate your skin can be traumatic for many. It takes a lot of trust to allow someone to penetrate inside of you, be it a tongue, fingers, penis or toy, and be it in your mouth, vagina or anus.
Some people have very strong barriers and wide safety zones. I was physically abused for 16 years and had some issues around anal penetration, until I met someone I came to trust completely, then the angels sang. The second man I ever had oral sex with tried to force me to do anal sex and I knocked him out cold. I am not a violent man by any means, but high fear and adrenalin kicked-in.
Even the penetration of a tongue into a mouth, can be a big deal and a major penetration for some young people. The first french kiss for me, when three girls (Kim, Kim & Mead) grabbed me and dragged me behind a school building, felt like a rape, a disgusting assault. I did not want it. Any intimacy at all was an issue for me, especially since I am Autistic, let alone the years of physical abuse.
AUTISM & INTIMACY: It is typical for those with Autism to have issues around physical intimacy.
It is my understanding, from sex surveys, that a large percentage of women under the age of 40 use penetrative toys on themselves and with partners. I have not seen any data about Lesbians and penetration during sex, other than the ones I have talked to, where discussion lead to sexuality (I have no embarrassment talking about the finer details of Straight, Lesbian or Gay sex). Obviously I have not had a widespread sampling of the Lesbian Community, so I am unable to say what is common and what is not.
What I can tell you is that I have worked with a small number of both Lesbians and Straight women to overcome fear of vaginal penetration, and it was successful. However, to be fair, they wanted to get over the fear to be able to give their lovers a fuller experience and to please them. What they found was that overcoming their fears allowed them a wider range of sexual pleasure, which also helps in keeping sexuality vibrant over the long-haul (wider variety).
I can also tell you that while some women you meet will be like you and have no problem having their sex-life being limited, others will see it as a deal-breaker. Such is life. this is an issue for Gay for some gay men as well. I know a guy who has been looking for a partner for 26 years, someone who will only want Frottage (rubbing together) and no other sex. Others who are exclusive bottoms or tops are limited to guys who can match that. Those not wanting anal sex at all are also rarer to find.
My big question to all such people is, Why limit your sexual experience, why not get the most pleasure possible from this shared intimacy? You can overcome your fears and anxieties around physical and sexual intimacy.
About desiring Love, the vast majority of humans desire love, but not all of them are willing to be receptive to love. It means opening the door for love, being willing to trust and to love another yourself.
Well, the thing is, I am scared it will hurt because even my mom says the first time will hurt…
O.O
Yeah, that would be like rape.
Any event that should be intimately shared with someone special that is forced upon someone especially to someone unwillingly would be considered a sexual assault.
Yeah…that is why I want to get over the fear…to get a fuller experience with my partner. I don’t have the same exact problem when it comes to be penetrating a partner, but almost, but not as near as bad…I am scared I might slip and/or tear some muscle tissue.
O.O
Yeah, that would be like rape.
Any event that should be intimately shared with someone special that is forced upon someone especially to someone unwillingly would be considered a sexual assault.
Yeah…that is why I want to get over the fear…to get a fuller experience with my partner. I don’t have the same exact problem when it comes to be penetrating a partner, but almost, but not as near as bad…I am scared I might slip and/or tear some muscle tissue.
Sexually, the body is hardier than you think and not damaged with ordinary use. For example, anal sex for an entire lifetime will not cause any problems with the Anus, Rectum or Colon, as long as nothing extreme is done. If a person is putting 3 inch diameter and bigger toy or fists up their butt, damage can be done, but this is very rare in both the Gay and Straight communities.
I thought I had talked to you about Female Sexual pain, the Hymen myth and how the first time having vaginal sex need not be uncomfortable. If I had, then this may be repetitive:
It is the fear and anxiety that makes sex uncomfortable. If a mother, and her mother and her mother all pass down the idea that the first time will be painful, then it is a self-fulfilling prophesy. Fear and anxiety cause tense muscles and the vagina is not able to properly expand, extend and lubricate. Penile or toy penetration can then painful.
Giving or receiving oral sex with a woman should not cause any discomfort at all, other than a sore tongue. Practice will build endurance.
FEMALE SEXUAL PAIN FROM VAGINAL SEX:
VAGINAL PENETRATION FROM TOYS, PENIS OR FINGERS can cause girls/women to sometimes experience vaginal sexual pain under the following conditions (this does not include some medical conditions that are rare):
I thought I had talked to you about Female Sexual pain, the Hymen myth and how the first time having vaginal sex need not be uncomfortable. If I had, then this may be repetitive:
It is the fear and anxiety that makes sex uncomfortable. If a mother, and her mother and her mother all pass down the idea that the first time will be painful, then it is a self-fulfilling prophesy. Fear and anxiety cause tense muscles and the vagina is not able to properly expand, extend and lubricate. Penile or toy penetration can then painful.
Giving or receiving oral sex with a woman should not cause any discomfort at all, other than a sore tongue. Practice will build endurance.
FEMALE SEXUAL PAIN FROM VAGINAL SEX:
VAGINAL PENETRATION FROM TOYS, PENIS OR FINGERS can cause girls/women to sometimes experience vaginal sexual pain under the following conditions (this does not include some medical conditions that are rare):
- 1. THE HYMEN MYTHE:
It is a myth that the Hymen breaking causes pain for the vast majority of girls. The hymenal tissue has largely worn away by adolescence. During childhood, most hymenal tissue thins and the opening widens, and it also wears away as a result of washing, walking, athletics, self-exploration, and masturbation, though little bits may remain around the vaginal opening, particularly in the area closest to the anus (hymenal tags). The younger you are, the more intact and thicker it will be.
If your Hymen is still intact, fingers, a penis or toys that penetrate to the Hymen hard enough, will penetrate it. For most girls, the hymen breaks without them even noticing, so there is no pain at all. Some describe it breaking with just a sort of pop and only a little bit of blood, about the same amount as mid-cycle spotting or at the very end of your period, sort of pinky discharge rather than blood. Some girls actually find their hymen breaking to be a pleasurable experience, not painful at all.
Some girls might experience some discomfort or pain if they have an unusually thick Hymen, which is rare. In rare more cases (1 in 200) the hymen opening is so small that fingers, tampons, and erections may not be able to enter comfortably or at all (imperforate hymen). This can be repaired with a very simple surgical snipping.
2. TIME & AROUSAL TO ALLOW THE VAGINA TO EXTEND PROPERLY:
The vagina starts off generally too small for a penis, dildo and some toys. During the ‘Foreplay Arousal Phase,’ the vagina extend by several inches, allowing her to accommodate a penis, toys, etc. You need at least 45 minutes of Foreplay, of romantic passion building and sexual arousal, before penetration. It is possible for girls and women to become aroused enough in anticipation of sex that she and the other person can rip of their clothes and go right at sex, with no problems, but this is the exception and not the rule.
The biggest mistake boys and men (and some women) make is to rush too fast. This will cause vaginal pain. It is imperative that she be relaxed, excited, aroused, vagina extended and producing lubrication. Boys and men are typically not trained or taught anything about female sexuality or how to sexually please a female. Their idea of sex is to just kiss a bit, then tick it in her, plow away and ejaculate. Unless the girl or woman educates him, it could mean that sex is uncomfortable or painful, and her not reaching orgasm, for many years. Unfortunately, typically girls are not educated in female sexuality or sexual arousal, and how to best please a woman sexually.
3. FEAR & ANXIETY CAUSE PAIN:
Fear and anxiety cause pain in sex for Straight and Lesbian women and for Gay men. Fear and anxiety will prevent proper relaxation and arousal. Fear and anxiety also cause a tightening of muscles where you want them relaxed. Women and Gay men who engage in anal sex must also learn to relax their muscles there, for a pain-free penetration. This is also why rape can be so painful.
Fear and anxiety makes all things more painful, including getting shots. I have to catheterize myself, inserting a catheter up my penis and into my bladder. It does not hurt, because I am relaxed. Show a boy or a man a catheter and he cringes and all his muscle tighten in fear, and then it hurts badly.
First time sex: When you are a virgin, fear and anxiety is the primary cause of vaginal pain, not the hymen. Girls are told, or hear false rumors that first time sex will be painful. This myth itself causes the fear and anxiety that insure a painful experience.
YOUR FIRST TIME: Before losing your virginity, educate yourself so that you can see that it is very unlikely that it will be painful. Next, talk it all over with your sexual partner, about how to help you relax and shed fear and anxiety, then TRUST YOUR LOVER to be very carful, take things slow and easy, and pause or stop at any sign of pain. Your first time is ideally with someone you love and trust. This alone should ease your fears and anxiety, if you let it. But when the time comes, and find yourself to be anxious and afraid after foreplay, then stop and wait for a mother day. Your Lover should understand this and let you know that changing your mind is completely Ok.
Finally, in the unlikely event that there is some pain, is it the end of the world? I tell Gay boys that they experience some pain when they have a large bowel movement. Are they terrified to have bowel movement because of it? Some minimal pain in life is part of being alive. Is a little bit of pain-price worth it for a period of ecstasy and intense sexual intimacy with the one you love? Put things in perspective and relax. Even if you do somehow experience pain, it should be mild, and then you can stop if you want. You are in control.
4. LUBRICATION:
As a woman engages in Foreplay or other means of sexual arousal, she starts to produce a natural lubricant. If you do not allow enough time, usually at least 45 minutes, then insufficient lubrication will be available, and this could cause discomfort. If you do not produce enough natural lubrication on the occasion (for various reasons), then it is important to use a sexual lubricant, ideally a water-based one, like KY Jelly. If a condom is not pre-lubricated, it can help to lubricate it. This is because the natural skin of a penis or fingers absorb and accept your natural lubrication better than a condom will.
5. PENIS OR TOY SIZE:
It would be very rare to have a penis not fit. The average ADULT penis is 5.1 to 5.9 inches long and 1.54 inches in diameter. What about the huge penises you see in Porn? Believe me, the ones you see in porn are very rare:
- 02.0% of men are 7.0 to 7.5 inches long
01.7% of men are 7.5 to 8.0 inches long
00.6% of men are 8.0 to 8.5 inches long
00.2% of men are 8.5 to 9.0 inches long
Less than 1 man in 10,000 has a 10 inch penis.
Less than 5,000 men in the world have an 11 inch penis.
14.5% of men are 1.67 to 1.83 inches in diameter
04.4% of men are 1.83 to 1.99 inches in diameter
00.6% of men are 1.99 to 2.15 inches in diameter
Even if you have a rare huge man, and he cannot control his depth of penetration, there is a rubber donut you can get that goes around his penis and limits how deep he can go.
With Toys, you can find out how much you are comfortable enough with, then simply not going any deeper than that, or use the donut limiter, or buy a toy of the right length and diameter.
6. UN-MANICURED FINGERS & SHARP TOYS:
Never, Ever put a sharp object inside of you, or anything breakable, like a wine bottle or beer bottle. It probably won’t break, but if it does, it could be catastrophic. Sharp objects could cut or puncture you and cause hemorrhaging. Just use common sense.
If the fingers going into you have long sharp nails, or have hang-nails on them, or are rough and callused, obviously this is going to scratch your tender insides or be like sandpaper. He or she can either manicure their nails and fingers, or they can use thin tight surgical gloves that are super-cheap at the drug store. You can even cut the fingers out of the gloves and just use the fingers.
I cannot imagine any other pain sources for normal sexuality. If you have a medical condition of the vagina, I would imagine that your Gynecologist would have found the problem by now, but if you still experience vaginal pain, having eliminated the above possibilities, then a trip to your Gynecologist would be in order. Also, like I mentioned before, it might be a great idea for you to go to see your Gynecologist before having sex, just to set your mind at ease. Your mother should have no problem with you wanting to see the Gynecologist alone.