Great! Thanks, here's my thoughts...
The first thing I look at before a poem is how it presents itself on the page, and the first thing I look at after a poem is how true it seemed to the author. I was glad to realize that not only was the poem nicely set up and showed emotion, but it also contained some of my favorite attributes in writing, ambiguity and disregard for rules. The poem set up a nice tone, rhythm, and rhyme scheme at the beginning and was slowly infused with slant rhymes and more line breaks through out, especially in the fourth and fifth stanza. And some lines showed potential for multiple interpretations.
However, poem tends to lack subtlety. When lines like, "Reality's no children's story" are placed it doesn't really give the reader any room to breathe or much room for interpretation. The poem much of the time tends to reveal facts and closes down to prove something to the reader, where many poets would believe that poems need to start closed and open up letting the reader think and figure things out for themselves. Be that what you had intended for the poem or not.
This poem has great potential, and shows to be a provocative idea that I very much enjoy thinking on. It shows great form and good writing but it hasn't had the change to open up all the way and bloom into its greatest form. If you work on it, whether or not you follow my advice, I'm sure it has more places to go.
The first thing I look at before a poem is how it presents itself on the page, and the first thing I look at after a poem is how true it seemed to the author. I was glad to realize that not only was the poem nicely set up and showed emotion, but it also contained some of my favorite attributes in writing, ambiguity and disregard for rules. The poem set up a nice tone, rhythm, and rhyme scheme at the beginning and was slowly infused with slant rhymes and more line breaks through out, especially in the fourth and fifth stanza. And some lines showed potential for multiple interpretations.
However, poem tends to lack subtlety. When lines like, "Reality's no children's story" are placed it doesn't really give the reader any room to breathe or much room for interpretation. The poem much of the time tends to reveal facts and closes down to prove something to the reader, where many poets would believe that poems need to start closed and open up letting the reader think and figure things out for themselves. Be that what you had intended for the poem or not.
This poem has great potential, and shows to be a provocative idea that I very much enjoy thinking on. It shows great form and good writing but it hasn't had the change to open up all the way and bloom into its greatest form. If you work on it, whether or not you follow my advice, I'm sure it has more places to go.
thank you very much 
! I appreciate the comments!
I never really deciphered poetry in class or out, it was more of something that I did as a small small hobby. So I am very interested in this critique. I've always had issues ending poems, which is why I don't have much in my gallery. So, basically you say I am doing this reverse to the norm, that I need to end a poem with subtlety instead of beginning with it? Make the reader wonder as to the true results/interpretation of the poem's intentions?
! I appreciate the comments!I never really deciphered poetry in class or out, it was more of something that I did as a small small hobby. So I am very interested in this critique. I've always had issues ending poems, which is why I don't have much in my gallery. So, basically you say I am doing this reverse to the norm, that I need to end a poem with subtlety instead of beginning with it? Make the reader wonder as to the true results/interpretation of the poem's intentions?
Yeah, basically. Play around with it a little more maybe, and try to make the reader really think about what you are saying. However that doesn't need to mean it has to be purposefully vague it could just mean that the message or statements you are saying as a whole are something to think on. It's easier to understand if I had specific examples, but I think you already basically get the idea.
thanks 
