Firstly: I haven't followed Naruto since the start of the Shinobi War arc. Therefore, if there are any spoilers about Naruto after that (I plan to pick Naruto again later), unfortunately I refuse to check those.
Both my oc's stop right at the start of the 4th great shinobi war.
Okay, I'll take a look once I get time.
okay take your time hehe
Sorry about delayyyy >___< But here is some feedback!
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General:
The character dynamic is interesting there: two childhood friends, one becomes a criminal and the other becomes a part of the local type of police force. That offers good dynamics! I vote for talking a lot about how much the situation troubles them. B|
They both are strong ninjas, I see. While merely being a strong character doesn't make a character a Mary Sue, I recommend you to make sure that you make them strong for the sake of plot and not for the sake of coolness. By that I mean that if the character is strong enough to make sense in the plot. For example:
- Usually you can't have S rank missions if you are a genin
- Usually the antagonist of the story needs to be strong in order to appear threatening enough for the protagonists
Otherwise, consider carefully how strong protagonists you need. Actually, I prefer protagonists who actually need to STRUGGLE and come up with clever plans to win the foe! If anyone can see that your character can win the foe by ease, expect to hear a loud "MEH!" from the audience.
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Medusa:
Her appearance makes sense, though her image doesn't reflect how her skintone is described in the description; the text describes it as ghostly pale, yet in image it is tanned. But that's just nitpicking. Age compared to rank make sense, too. Though... when did she BECOME a jounin? I think she needed to be in her home village to officially earn the rank.
An "elite member" in Akatsuki? I don't really like replacing any of the usual 10 core members of Akatsuki unless there is a good reason for that, but it's confirmed that they have other affiliates (for example Kakuzu's banking staff), so Medusa's position could be something like that. "Backup plan B?" Or wherever Tobi was claimed to come from.
But there is one big controversial thing: Rinnegan. It is considered as an UNIQUE doujutsu in the series, I don't recall exact uniqueness but at least Jiraiya was shocked to realize that Nagato had it. I don't dare to take a look at Narutopedia because of spoilers, but I recommend you to see what was stated in the series. If the series says something like "Rinnegan appears barely once in a thousand years", I see that it requires EXTREMELY careful handling to give it to Medusa now when Nagato/Pain used to have it only a few years earlier. It might be easier to come up with your own bloodline jutsu instead. Using Rinnegan for Medusa may poke people's eyes HARD.
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Shiguki:
Otherwise good, but an ANBU in age of 9...? Eh... I can't recall when Itachi did it (and I don't dare to check Narutopedia because of spoilers), but he wasn't younger at least and he was regarded as an ULTIMATE GENIUS. See what I wrote in the general section.
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General:
The character dynamic is interesting there: two childhood friends, one becomes a criminal and the other becomes a part of the local type of police force. That offers good dynamics! I vote for talking a lot about how much the situation troubles them. B|
They both are strong ninjas, I see. While merely being a strong character doesn't make a character a Mary Sue, I recommend you to make sure that you make them strong for the sake of plot and not for the sake of coolness. By that I mean that if the character is strong enough to make sense in the plot. For example:
- Usually you can't have S rank missions if you are a genin
- Usually the antagonist of the story needs to be strong in order to appear threatening enough for the protagonists
Otherwise, consider carefully how strong protagonists you need. Actually, I prefer protagonists who actually need to STRUGGLE and come up with clever plans to win the foe! If anyone can see that your character can win the foe by ease, expect to hear a loud "MEH!" from the audience.
---
Medusa:
Her appearance makes sense, though her image doesn't reflect how her skintone is described in the description; the text describes it as ghostly pale, yet in image it is tanned. But that's just nitpicking. Age compared to rank make sense, too. Though... when did she BECOME a jounin? I think she needed to be in her home village to officially earn the rank.
An "elite member" in Akatsuki? I don't really like replacing any of the usual 10 core members of Akatsuki unless there is a good reason for that, but it's confirmed that they have other affiliates (for example Kakuzu's banking staff), so Medusa's position could be something like that. "Backup plan B?" Or wherever Tobi was claimed to come from.
But there is one big controversial thing: Rinnegan. It is considered as an UNIQUE doujutsu in the series, I don't recall exact uniqueness but at least Jiraiya was shocked to realize that Nagato had it. I don't dare to take a look at Narutopedia because of spoilers, but I recommend you to see what was stated in the series. If the series says something like "Rinnegan appears barely once in a thousand years", I see that it requires EXTREMELY careful handling to give it to Medusa now when Nagato/Pain used to have it only a few years earlier. It might be easier to come up with your own bloodline jutsu instead. Using Rinnegan for Medusa may poke people's eyes HARD.
---
Shiguki:
Otherwise good, but an ANBU in age of 9...? Eh... I can't recall when Itachi did it (and I don't dare to check Narutopedia because of spoilers), but he wasn't younger at least and he was regarded as an ULTIMATE GENIUS. See what I wrote in the general section.
I do agree with you about the rinnegan thingy in Medusa's profile but from what I made her to be is an Uchiha and Senju blood in her, which makes the rinnegan because once an uchiha surpasses eternal mangekyou sharing an it changes to Rinnegan. About the elite member thingy she's been with the akatsuki since Zetsu and Tobi first entered //for you to not have spoilers I'm saying its in episode 345 of shippuden// so technically she can be an elite member since zetsu is and including Tobi except he acts dumb xD.
Shinguki is kind of like Kakashi when he entered the Anbu, he was 10 when he entered. So yeah might change it to at least 14 or 15...
Shinguki is kind of like Kakashi when he entered the Anbu, he was 10 when he entered. So yeah might change it to at least 14 or 15...
A Rinnegan out of Mangekyou... ouch, a spoiler hit at me D:
Back to the business. (Didn't read the spoiler part.)
Do as it makes most sense according the canon. (I should really start to read Naruto again to be able to answer to all these people asking about Naruto OCs...) However, consider WHAT is your purpose to use Rinnegan there. While you can make it make sense in canon, using as trademark doujutsu as Rinnegan another time may cause ill reactions from fans, was the another Rinnegan user written by a fellow fan or Kishimoto himself. Rinnegan is that much Pain's THE doujutsu that overusing it may ruin its uniqueness. This is why I recommend you to consider using a self-made jutsu, unless Rinnegan is THAT tied to your plot that replacing it with another jutsu makes no sense.
I do approve lifting the jounin approval age.
Back to the business. (Didn't read the spoiler part.)
Do as it makes most sense according the canon. (I should really start to read Naruto again to be able to answer to all these people asking about Naruto OCs...) However, consider WHAT is your purpose to use Rinnegan there. While you can make it make sense in canon, using as trademark doujutsu as Rinnegan another time may cause ill reactions from fans, was the another Rinnegan user written by a fellow fan or Kishimoto himself. Rinnegan is that much Pain's THE doujutsu that overusing it may ruin its uniqueness. This is why I recommend you to consider using a self-made jutsu, unless Rinnegan is THAT tied to your plot that replacing it with another jutsu makes no sense.
I do approve lifting the jounin approval age.
Heh sorry for the spoiler but I might make Medusa just have red eyes but just like Orochimaru....I don't want her to become OP now hehehe..
And I'm glad you agree.
And I'm glad you agree.
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