[x]

deviantART

 

Comment on antitodo by !xxxxxx

Ok.

The way you formatted this gives me a frantic lost feeling. The imagery portrays some guy who is crazy and is either metaphorically locked inside his own fucked up head, or he is in a room or predicament of some kind, or something else. Perhaps I'm missing it, but I'm tired and have been rolling around doing Army shit today, so I'm having trouble concentrating. I know you said you wanted feedback, so I'm trying to give you something.

Devious Comments

I like your style on this, it's nice for a change.

--
The writer is by nature a dreamer---a concious dreamer.
come on megan, don't be shy.

--
:gummybear: deviant art will ban you for being mean.
Ok.

The way you formatted this gives me a frantic lost feeling. The imagery portrays some guy who is crazy and is either metaphorically locked inside his own fucked up head, or he is in a room or predicament of some kind, or something else. Perhaps I'm missing it, but I'm tired and have been rolling around doing Army shit today, so I'm having trouble concentrating. I know you said you wanted feedback, so I'm trying to give you something.
still not digging the first line. it reads like a thought, something hectic and feverish. the style drives me a little crazy, but not so much more than usual. i'm not sure if i like the etc in there as opposed to et cetera. overall the image you have created is of one being trapped either by ones own demons or by the actions of other's.
the style is so chaotic that at places it seems to encourage my mind to get twisted and confused, wondered off.
this seems like a full on social aneurism anxiety fuckfest. love "malicious charity".

it's hard to say whether i like it or not because there isn't enough body to make it seem full-on.
it's like you wanted to say more but you didn't.
and i can't decide if that's effective or not.

--
it's the beginning of a god that the songs forgot to write.
This reminds me of a night a buddy of mine drank too much at a small party, sat in a corner for two hours, then decided to run to the highway and dive in. A bunch of us had to fight him into a car and close him in a room. The whole house felt a bit like this. Probably moreso for my friend.

Powerful stuff, as always.

--
The 2% should get lives.
thanks. yeah you kinda got pretty close to what was the actual inspiration for this.

--
:gummybear: deviant art will ban you for being mean.
thanks for that

--
:gummybear: deviant art will ban you for being mean.
shitty party.

this isn't as good as i'd hoped it would be. it's still the best thing i've read all night, though.

dead cells floating on thick warm air.

--
This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

— Kerouac

Site Map