Comment on The Man in the Coffee Shop by xthe-eleanorx

1. I believe that the current title is much better than "You." Not to sound overly critical/cynical of the world at large, but it seems like there are plenty of poems on the weepy side of things titled "You." The Man In The Coffee Shop really sets this apart in the same way that the man in the coffee shop sets this story apart from the other "I miss you" stories--he's a foil. I like how you left names out of this--it keeps it universal. Perhaps to strengthen it, put more detail into the man in the coffee shop? A few more lines about him, not necessarily shifting the entire focus.
2. Sometimes is good. I like it, and repeated elements help a story.
3. The choppy nature of the paragraphs help us to understand how the narrator thinks. It works, and I like it.
4. Really good piece! Totally deserves the DLD, but I'd say it's not 100% complete and polished quite yet.