Solaris90's avatar
Glad you enjoyed it, hehe. Might I ask what you did not agree with? :3
Marsuwai's avatar
1. Trixie was a bit too awesome to die, I really liked your version of her, and with all the power thrown around in the finale there would have been space for her resurrection, or an actual alteration of the pony world, with even more so with Tirek gone anyway.

2. Yellow Jacket would have had more story potential both as vaillain and as a tragic character if you had not gone the supervillain route with Thunder Scream and racism but focused more on the vampire aspect, which also would have made him quite a bit more scary, eating ponies for power has more impact than just getting them to run amok, maybe even culminating in him trying a life drain spell on Twilight or Trixie. Explaining his contempt for earth ponies would also have given him more character and explaining the nature of his damnation would also have given him more depth.

3. The confrontations between Twilight and Celestia and later Awakened Rainbow and Eon were also a bit underdeveloped, actions have more impact when they are based on a choice and not only a rush of feelings. It would have been a great occasion of character development if you had given both more background, like Rainbow remembering the memories of the force of nature she was, or a bit more character development for Eon, Twilight suddenly getting addicted to power and wanting the rest does work but it is a bit thin, even a little might makes right speech would have given Eon more depth, or something that would habe translated the power high and addiction better.

4. The Knights were in a way also underdeveloped, there would have been more story potential if it had been left open whether the others had children, not told from the beginning that they essentially already died of old age and only their power was left, given that the power of one knight is enough to turn a unicorn into an alicorn and Luna survied thousand years on the moon just fine, living or undead knights would have been a disctinct possibility, maybe like the like the knight templar from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. The whole loss of perspective explanation also sounded a bit thin, I think I understand what you meant but too much power rather makes people and by extension ponies rather ruthless due to detachment, than apathetic. There would also have been a bit of occasion for character development in telling how the knights fell, making the reader empathize with them more, and maybe even the knights being in different states of decay and different oponions when unleashed, some begging for life, some begging for death, some wanting revenge, some consumed by grief that they failed to trap Tirek, or corrupted by Tirek, one of them could even have been responsible for Tirek's escape, hoping to get freed when others needed his power to catch Tirek again.
Solaris90's avatar
Ah, yes. Actually, I agree with all these problems except for Trixie (somepony just had to die, sorry). I have a lot of problems with this entire story, though I am grateful that you and so many others still like it.

My explanation for why it all ended as it did, with so little explanation, is...I was rushing. Even by chapter 10 I was trying to get the story done as fast as possible so that I could move on to the sequel. Not that I wasn't enjoying writing this story, just that ideas for the sequel kept building up in my head with no release. *shrugs* It's just how things happened. Though I will give answers to some of the questions you mentioned in other fics, such as how Tirek escaped and why Yellow Jacket hates earth ponies and unicorns so much.