What interesting imagery; I love that you used arabic in this; I read some of it, but I don't quite understand all of it.. That's a good thing I think, don't want to be too obvious with what you're saying. Some parts were quite morbid.. o_o

March of a million man,
March of a billion let them fall,
Temples, statues standing tall,
Soon bowing in worship to a mall.
With it's towers for tolling bells,
Sex and religion both sell,
But with your options what's best of all,
A presidential suite in five-star hell.

I liked that part... mostly because of the meaning behind it.
I'd critique, but I really don't have time to analyze the poem, and I'm not good at critique anyway...
Nice job though.. seems like you put a lot of time into this..

--
If you have to think about whether you love someone or not, then the answer is no.
When you love someone... you just know.

My Clubs

You'll have my full throw back in your email

--
Exercises In Futility

I declare you officialy insane. This is beautiful. I probably have to read it again to get a bigger picture

Great one man.

--
Joe A.
Certified Shawerma Inhaler
Gallery || Daily Deviation

hmm... well this is certainly long.... wat can i say... i wont lie... most of it i didnt get... i guess its cuz i just woke up... but i doubt whether i read this again later ill understand all of it... i like the black mood it "conveys" however... the sexual stuff u put in... well i sort of felt that that was a bit near pointless.. i mean i really dont get why u wud put a bunch of soldiers sucking some kings rod... if u mean something else by it... like theyre "sucking up" to him... well cmon... i think ur good enough to find beter words... this is about the best proffessional critique i can provide at a time like this... and i wud really appreciate it if u take none of wat i say here as real professional advice... cuz again.... i just woke up.. neways take care... (not a very nice way to start ur day... i can tell u that... but dont wory about me.. ill be fine... if i dont commit suicide)

The death of Zaid is rich in your poetry. In all my life, i never came across such a work. as i was reading, images were flashing through my mind, mostly dark and gloomy. I was suggested this work by ~Hemimorphite and i thank her for that. While reading, it almost shifted me to another realm, higher level of senstivity. Imagery, metaphores..... everything is so rich in content...

Here i had written something in my mothertongue Punjabo, very close to urdu:

"ik kahani da jeewan sa mein
keekan karda, heen jo sa mein,
antika to shuru jo hoya
bhumika te khatam jo sa mein,
kahani da jo jeewan jiya
samey nu jo deek la piya,
ik-ik satar 'ch jo moya
har shabad wich jinda jo sa mein"

Trans:
"Life of a story i was,
what could ive done, shallow i was
started at the end,
at the beginning, finished i was
life of a story that i lived,
drunk the time to the fullest
that died in every line,
for alive in every word i was"

--
www.bobbysandhulive.com

www.jungplunga.com

www.punjabiportal.com

Thanks for the time taken to comment, yes indeed a lot of time/effort was sucked by this peice.
The verse you selected is the key to decipher some of which was not clearly understood, unsatisfaction with what it has all become, including the manifestation of Zaid from a living friend to a dying enemy.

Danke Joe.

And I appreciate the title of insanity

There are names, and timelines/dates in the meter you can look those up and the parts you didnt get would make sense.

I'm dissapointed that you took the rod suckign sexually, it's mentioned that he is impotent, the rod/cock/mace/wand/scepter of the king is a symbol of power (which is impotent) that is forced upon them under a sheild of violence and force, by signing the documents putting him on the throne and surrendering their authority and land to him (sucking on the rod/cock/mace etc) they give it up..And it is not for 'lack' of better expression that I used this, it's clearly mentioned that the approach is cynical and sarcastic..there's a lot of satire within the serious-appearing issues that the eulogist takes very lightly and at time, even discards!

I'm glad you took the liberty to reach into the depths of Zaid's death, the main even of the peice.

I will personally notify you when the audible version is available, the Punjabo stanza you provided is excellent, I like the approach, thanks for your comment.