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Comment on On Parabola by =tearstone

=kaujot:iconkaujot: Nov 6, 2005, 2:56:37 PM
The last stanza strikes me as rhythmically different than the first (the second being in between, how convenient). It still reads well, and I enjoy the extremely clever word-play, but those gosh darn rhythms are just a bit wonky.

Good to see you around, sir.

Let's talk sometime.

--
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

I saw, darling, but do lie.

Devious Comments

`imperfect:iconimperfect: Nov 5, 2005, 5:06:39 AM
It's such a treat to find poetry from you.

"In that glass all is hours," - fantastic :)

I want to say more but i shall not. Move it out of scraps though?

--
are you stalking me?
~sumants:iconsumants: Nov 6, 2005, 12:41:09 AM
a grain - Yes, I got it. No, it's not punctuated right in the vicinity.

And yet the hourglass is a revolved hyperbola in its most functional form.

You also happen to have a combination of three different rhymes. And an abundance of homophony. Cleverly done, my friend.
=tearstone:icontearstone: Nov 6, 2005, 1:20:48 AM
Since you liked it (and that's my first ever fav from you!) I shall move it out of scraps.
Thanks, missy =)

You ok?

--
~Coffeehouse had your mum last night
=tearstone:icontearstone: Nov 6, 2005, 1:22:23 AM
My most profound appreciation for your continued support, mon ami.
A comma after grain perhaps?

--
~Coffeehouse had your mum last night
=kaujot:iconkaujot: Nov 6, 2005, 2:56:37 PM
The last stanza strikes me as rhythmically different than the first (the second being in between, how convenient). It still reads well, and I enjoy the extremely clever word-play, but those gosh darn rhythms are just a bit wonky.

Good to see you around, sir.

Let's talk sometime.

--
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

I saw, darling, but do lie.
`Bringa:iconBringa: Nov 6, 2005, 3:06:39 PM
The interesting question is: why does a lawyer turned literati-vigilante write about wave functions?

And yes, it is very much like your sense of humir. Which means good ;)

--
SINAI BENDS
~sumants:iconsumants: Nov 7, 2005, 7:32:53 AM
That might work, because it reinforces the idea that a grain could also stand for again.
~drinkyourtea:icondrinkyourtea: Nov 12, 2005, 8:39:06 PM
well I'm a fellow writer and I enjoyed that quite thoroughly if that is how it's spelt
=tearstone:icontearstone: Nov 15, 2005, 1:11:16 AM
thanks, it is =)

--
~Coffeehouse had your mum last night
~drinkyourtea:icondrinkyourtea: Nov 15, 2005, 5:09:07 AM
your welcome my furry coconuted friend lol it's a long story the coconut thing :giggle:
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