Heheh, excellent work, Gazza! I'm very glad that you did get nagged into completing the story!

I don't notice any problems with either the prose or the plot here, aside from the odd typo or two.

Excellently done, all in all, humorous and a very good ending to the story! I'll admit that I thought that I had it figured out at first - I had guessed early on that Jade was another Scavenger Hunter, but I didn't foresee her not being the "thief" - and I certainly didn't guess the Neurolex's hiding place!

Very well done indeed!

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MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *ahem* Sorry.

YAY!!!! I'm really glad I finally got to finish this
I hate to say it, but I DIDN'T figure Jade out. I was as surprised as Gaz when she revealed her secret! And then I was sure she had the thing! Until she said she didn't. Then I got confused. (A common state for me, sadly)
But you wrapped it all up, no loose ends and a very enjoyable read.
And I LOVED the ending Poor Gaz...
Now get to work and write some more!

--
Chornyi
~
A black winter day
No, darker than that
Gloomier than an autumn night

I'm so gothic, I'm not only dead, I'm a f&^*$%# ZOMBIE!
()
Your brain is mine.

Well, I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. After the "success" of part 1 I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to finish it off decently. So much for that worry .

I feel sorry for Gaz too, but in a way don't you think he deserved it?

I have a couple of ideas for short stories bubbling around in my head. Rest assured that you'll see them soon enough!

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Jumping from high ledges without anticipation of fatal impact is commonly known to be an unwise activity, and is not recommended by the legal team of Aperture Inc. -ValvE's Portal Trailer

Well, as you've probably guessed by now, the plot twist is my favourite storytelling device. I enjoy the challenge of trying to lead the reader down a perfectly plausible path while still giving myself the leeway to twist the plot into funny shapes at the end . I'm glad I succeeded here AND that the story still made sense afterwards. Plot twists are a two-edged sword, after all.

I'm proud of you for picking up the insignificant little clues that I left about Jade before the "big reveal". You get a gold star. Except I don't the know the emoticon code for it, so it'll have to be an imaginary gold star

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Jumping from high ledges without anticipation of fatal impact is commonly known to be an unwise activity, and is not recommended by the legal team of Aperture Inc. -ValvE's Portal Trailer

good I can't wait for the short stories. I'm sure I'm not the only one who will reinforce your confidence in this piece

--
Chornyi
~
A black winter day
No, darker than that
Gloomier than an autumn night

I'm so gothic, I'm not only dead, I'm a f&^*$%# ZOMBIE!
()
Your brain is mine.

Very excellent story (both parts). It was funny and lighthearted... and just made me want to keep reading. You have a way of presenting descriptions in a way that doesn't seem boring or forced. I wish I had your skill in that regard. I liked how you took the time to inject physics into the story... it reinforced the sci-fi feel. Also, having read your other stories, I doubt that you would miss an opportunity to put something like that in. Another simply amazing piece. I'll look forward to what you come up with next.

Awwwww!

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Jumping from high ledges without anticipation of fatal impact is commonly known to be an unwise activity, and is not recommended by the legal team of Aperture Inc. -ValvE's Portal Trailer

o.0 I have skill describing things? I always found my descriptions to be lacking, personally! However, I'm a firm believer that if I'm going to put a concept like Unispace into a story, I might as well come up with a firm-ish explanation for it. I feel it adds a little bit of realism and credibility to the peice. A trap I often fall into, though, is getting so caught up in the explanations behind the technology and the background of the world that I drift hopelessly from the story I wanted to tell in the first place. I deleted paragraphs upon paragraphs of useless information from Scavenger Hunt before I posted it. Hopefully I'll lose that particular habit soon!

--
Jumping from high ledges without anticipation of fatal impact is commonly known to be an unwise activity, and is not recommended by the legal team of Aperture Inc. -ValvE's Portal Trailer

hehe

--
Chornyi
~
A black winter day
No, darker than that
Gloomier than an autumn night

I'm so gothic, I'm not only dead, I'm a f&^*$%# ZOMBIE!
()
Your brain is mine.