Comment on Pony POV Series Fluttershy FlutterCruel Pearls by alexwarlorn
So that's how she did it and you did it in her character. Although I was a bit surprised that this was written in a more regular story telling style rather than the other point of views where where they were talking to themselves or out-right thinking about things.
I wonder if the Pearl thing you thought up was more or less inspired from the Legend of Mana Series. If it was I think I understand the titles better.
There's only one thing that bothered me grammar-wise and I think there's no other way to change it: It's this line here:
"You are such a scaredy-cat! It's hilarious!" Her reflection spoke and she heard herself say.
I would want to change the second sentence into "Her reflection spoke as she heard herself say." But that also sounds weird doesn't it?
Oh well it's still a nice story, so I managed to enjoy it.
I wonder if the Pearl thing you thought up was more or less inspired from the Legend of Mana Series. If it was I think I understand the titles better.
There's only one thing that bothered me grammar-wise and I think there's no other way to change it: It's this line here:
"You are such a scaredy-cat! It's hilarious!" Her reflection spoke and she heard herself say.
I would want to change the second sentence into "Her reflection spoke as she heard herself say." But that also sounds weird doesn't it?
Oh well it's still a nice story, so I managed to enjoy it.
And now it has an audio adaption in case you didn't know. [link]
"So that's how she did it and you did it in her character. "
Thanks! In-Character, that means just as much as continuity, actually they're one and the same when you think about it. Seriously, write original fiction if you can't keep the characters in character.
"Although I was a bit surprised that this was written in a more regular story telling style rather than the other point of views where where they were talking to themselves or out-right thinking about things. "
I've since been told I write better in POV style. Supposedly.
"I wonder if the Pearl thing you thought up was more or less inspired from the Legend of Mana Series. If it was I think I understand the titles better."
How do you figure it was from Legend of Mana?
Made that grammar edit you wanted.
"Oh well it's still a nice story, so I managed to enjoy it."
Hope you manage to enjoy the rest
"So that's how she did it and you did it in her character. "
Thanks! In-Character, that means just as much as continuity, actually they're one and the same when you think about it. Seriously, write original fiction if you can't keep the characters in character.
"Although I was a bit surprised that this was written in a more regular story telling style rather than the other point of views where where they were talking to themselves or out-right thinking about things. "
I've since been told I write better in POV style. Supposedly.
"I wonder if the Pearl thing you thought up was more or less inspired from the Legend of Mana Series. If it was I think I understand the titles better."
How do you figure it was from Legend of Mana?
Made that grammar edit you wanted.
"Oh well it's still a nice story, so I managed to enjoy it.
"Hope you manage to enjoy the rest
And now it has an audio adaption in case you didn't know. [link]
Saw it already and the voice acting was pretty good. I'm so glad you developed such a following.
</i>Thanks! In-Character, that means just as much as continuity, actually they're one and the same when you think about it. Seriously, write original fiction if you can't keep the characters in character.</i>
I understand with Sarah and Michelle enough already.
I think I was just honestly surprised that you know her so well, I guess.
I've since been told I write better in POV style. Supposedly.
Yeah you do sometimes It's just too bad and annoying that Equestria Daily hasn't accepted the story because of that. Although I don't normally go to this site anyway and I haven't checked the news of your story since your announcement that Rainbow's part was done.
How do you figure it was from Legend of Mana?
Well Pearls reminds me of, well, Pearl from Legend of Mana. When you finally discovered that she has a split personality side in the Jumi Arc, that personality was a tough as nails (dark?) action girl that was mostly the opposite of the real (or standard? It's been a long time since I played that game) Pearl. I got the feeling that FlutterCruel would do the same thing Dark Pearl does by temporarily controlling Pearl's body whenever you're in battle with her as your partner, which FlutterCruel actually did in Rainbow's True Reharmonizing chapter. Anyway, I think I'm basically saying that your title reminded me of this character especially due to dual similarities that both Fluttershy and Pearl had and experience in her arc.
Made that grammar edit you wanted.
I hope I didn't go to far by listing entire paragraphs for you to fix, I just thought it make things easier for you to find and make the grammar edit.
Hope you manage to enjoy the rest
Which I did as I made in almost all of my comments so far.
Saw it already and the voice acting was pretty good. I'm so glad you developed such a following.
</i>Thanks! In-Character, that means just as much as continuity, actually they're one and the same when you think about it. Seriously, write original fiction if you can't keep the characters in character.</i>
I understand with Sarah and Michelle enough already.
I think I was just honestly surprised that you know her so well, I guess. I've since been told I write better in POV style. Supposedly.
Yeah you do sometimes It's just too bad and annoying that Equestria Daily hasn't accepted the story because of that. Although I don't normally go to this site anyway and I haven't checked the news of your story since your announcement that Rainbow's part was done.
How do you figure it was from Legend of Mana?
Well Pearls reminds me of, well, Pearl from Legend of Mana. When you finally discovered that she has a split personality side in the Jumi Arc, that personality was a tough as nails (dark?) action girl that was mostly the opposite of the real (or standard? It's been a long time since I played that game) Pearl. I got the feeling that FlutterCruel would do the same thing Dark Pearl does by temporarily controlling Pearl's body whenever you're in battle with her as your partner, which FlutterCruel actually did in Rainbow's True Reharmonizing chapter. Anyway, I think I'm basically saying that your title reminded me of this character especially due to dual similarities that both Fluttershy and Pearl had and experience in her arc.
Made that grammar edit you wanted.
I hope I didn't go to far by listing entire paragraphs for you to fix, I just thought it make things easier for you to find and make the grammar edit.
Hope you manage to enjoy the rest
Which I did as I made in almost all of my comments so far.
I understand with Sarah and Michelle enough already. I think I was just honestly surprised that you know her so well, I guess.
???
And I'm happy you put so much effort into helping the grammar.
I think I was just honestly surprised that you know her so well, I guess. ???
And I'm happy you put so much effort into helping the grammar.