Nice metaphors, sweetie. I'm still not sure how you keep up this kind of workpace - I'm certain it's stuff that I was born without. This is real good so I only have a few things to point out:
Paragraph 9 (and no matter what conversation I hold . . .) could probably use trimming. Kind of unbalances the whole thing. Maybe the bit about tests and grades because that bores the shit out of everyone.
Few spelling mistakes.
Other than those things this is just like a baby's ass. Smooth, I mean.
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"I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers"
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`karemelancholia is one of the most genuine deviants you could ever met. Always active and a true deviantART cheerleader and supporter in every aspect. You can always count on her to lend a hand or get involved, and you usually will find her doing large amounts of both at any given moment. She's consistently reports on contests around dA, showcases the efforts of her fellow artists and shows her charitable side through various activities. Besides all of this, she's a truly talented artist which is why she's an obvious choice for deviousness this month. Read More
Devious Comments
Paragraph 9 (and no matter what conversation I hold . . .) could probably use trimming. Kind of unbalances the whole thing. Maybe the bit about tests and grades because that bores the shit out of everyone.
Few spelling mistakes.
Other than those things this is just like a baby's ass. Smooth, I mean.
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your improvement is on a grandscale from your arrival at deviantART. congratulations.
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hello, Philo.
-"indescrimenetly" should be "indescriminately"
-"amonia" should be "ammonia"
-"masterbated" should be "masturbated"
-"breath" should be "breathe"
other than that, i think you did good by this. clear execution of theme, real good images.
yes, you improve steadily.
nice work.
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when she walked, her knees cracked like a pick-up truck driving full-force over a deer carcass.
~stupidvagina
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"The ending is brilliant. Seriously. I might get that inscribed on my casket someday so God will understand."
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"The ending is brilliant. Seriously. I might get that inscribed on my casket someday so God will understand."
but anyway. i feel much like this. currently. not two days ago. but currently i am in need of mutation.
--
amelia.
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I wish we were farmers, I wish we knew how
To grow sweet potatoes and milk cows
-emily haines
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"I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers"
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