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All Deviations

Comment on My condition by !Fluid-Motion

~Ellephive:iconEllephive: Mar 4, 2006, 10:24:53 PM
loovely.

--
the trajectory hums.

Devious Comments

~dubbilex:icondubbilex: Jan 5, 2006, 9:27:07 AM
Nice metaphors, sweetie. I'm still not sure how you keep up this kind of workpace - I'm certain it's stuff that I was born without. This is real good so I only have a few things to point out:

Paragraph 9 (and no matter what conversation I hold . . .) could probably use trimming. Kind of unbalances the whole thing. Maybe the bit about tests and grades because that bores the shit out of everyone.

Few spelling mistakes.

Other than those things this is just like a baby's ass. Smooth, I mean.

:salute:

--
:zombie:
~lengleng:iconlengleng: Jan 5, 2006, 8:27:18 PM
FABULOUSLY WELL-TO-DO

your improvement is on a grandscale from your arrival at deviantART. congratulations.
~driftwood:icondriftwood: Jan 6, 2006, 3:08:45 PM
i think my eyes just threw up.

--
hello, Philo.
~carissima82:iconcarissima82: Jan 6, 2006, 6:51:14 PM
spell check:

-"indescrimenetly" should be "indescriminately"
-"amonia" should be "ammonia"
-"masterbated" should be "masturbated"
-"breath" should be "breathe"

other than that, i think you did good by this. clear execution of theme, real good images.
yes, you improve steadily.
nice work.

--
when she walked, her knees cracked like a pick-up truck driving full-force over a deer carcass.
~stupidvagina
!Fluid-Motion:iconFluid-Motion: Jan 6, 2006, 7:49:37 PM
hahahaha. i hope you got that on camera.

--
"The ending is brilliant. Seriously. I might get that inscribed on my casket someday so God will understand."
!Fluid-Motion:iconFluid-Motion: Jan 6, 2006, 7:50:02 PM
well i'll be.

--
"The ending is brilliant. Seriously. I might get that inscribed on my casket someday so God will understand."
=livingbyair:iconlivingbyair: Jan 6, 2006, 8:42:14 PM
-"groddy" ought to be "grody"

but anyway. i feel much like this. currently. not two days ago. but currently i am in need of mutation.
~caveatLECTOR:iconcaveatLECTOR: Jan 8, 2006, 10:42:19 AM
hello.

--
amelia.
=======
I wish we were farmers, I wish we knew how
To grow sweet potatoes and milk cows

-emily haines
*maverick-decadence:iconmaverick-decadence: Jan 9, 2006, 3:23:36 AM
A well deserved DD. :clap:

--
"I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers"

:heart: :jark: :heart: