I love the first line, but I feel like afterwards the poem goes a bit into cliché-territory (if you don't mind me saying so). 
For instance: the rest of the piece focuses on darkness, but the second line isn't really clear.
The construction doesn't make a lot of sense, almost?
Though I'm a novice when it comes to literature, so besides saying what I think sounds off, I can't really provide help as to what can be fixed. D:
For instance: the rest of the piece focuses on darkness, but the second line isn't really clear.
The construction doesn't make a lot of sense, almost?
Though I'm a novice when it comes to literature, so besides saying what I think sounds off, I can't really provide help as to what can be fixed. D:
The first is supposed to lead into the second, I just didn't fix the punctuation yet... and really it's a poem commenting on where all my stories come from... the dark dreams, which is kinda why I don't sleep much anymore... those stories are getting freakier...
Ah, I see.
The trouble is that (maybe it's just me) the thought behind the poem wasn't entirely clear.
The trouble is that (maybe it's just me) the thought behind the poem wasn't entirely clear.
probably not, kinda wasn't meant to be, but yeah, i really have to fix that punctuation... >.>
I wish I could help more, but you'll have to ask a proper writer for that I'm afraid.
It's all good, I really don't mind staying an amateur writer.... my spelling and grammar will never be good enough with the slight dyslexia that I am dealing with.