Comment on The Whiffy Waif by ~yeatsgrave

This one merited several readings! The first time, I was carried along by the rhythm (which is indeed very playful!) and the second I searched for a deeper meaning. If I read it right, it appears to be about growing up, but still keeping that inner child. Wonderfully off the wall and as mad as children are prone to be. I kept trying to rhyme it in my head, but this is probably just habit, and I like it the way it is.

Just a couple of spelling mistakes, 'murmur' and 'eachother' should be two words.

All in all, a brilliantly fun piece!

Thank you very much! and, yeah, that's pretty much all there is to it.

I like the rhythm here! And how the line, 'my child-imp, I heard a murmur', is changed to 'I listen and I hear a murmur' in the second stanza-- symbolic of keeping some of your childhood, not losing imagination..
I also enjoy the alliteration of "when the wiffy waif wafts right".

critiquing-- to me the word "asunder" doesn't seem to fit. It makes it sound as if the narrator is feeling 'torn apart', as opposed to the joyful feeling of the rest of the stanza.

--
"Who's more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?"

my galleries:
drawing: ~Feantauriel
writing: ~Loresinger

Thank you for pointing that out. The reason I was using the term really didn't quite show up in the poem. I find that the more I read it. I was somehow (in my head) trying to get from being far away from this fellow child to a point where we are playing, but I really didn't get that down on paper. All in all, I'm thinking perhaps the action moves too fast for me to have fit in all that I had imagined. So you're right about how that does not fit (currently). I will keep this in mind for when I come back to it later! I appreciate that very much. So thanks again for pointing it out.