Comment on A Different Tune Chapter 3 by AVeryStrange
Wow, just wow....
I didn't think you would do it but you not only met every expectation I had set for your work you blew them away.
Let me start with the few things I noticed,
First I found it odd that you would change from mint green to winter green for Lyra (making mention of a mint green harp playing unicorn filly in chapter 1), and her lisp was so patchy that I wasn't sure if it really was a lisp at all the only context I had that helped me make my decision was her akwardness and the fact that she was being bullied.
However I love the whole "old instruments from home" and "its traditional" link, clever.
The two show jokes also didn't seem forced like most Fan-fics I've read, they seemed so natural that I amlost read over them.
And of course the devlopement and your charactors have made seem natural it shows your real understanding of your charactors.
Finally the hints you have given about Cat give some wonderful insight into her character
wounderful just wonderful...
I didn't think you would do it but you not only met every expectation I had set for your work you blew them away.
Let me start with the few things I noticed,
First I found it odd that you would change from mint green to winter green for Lyra (making mention of a mint green harp playing unicorn filly in chapter 1), and her lisp was so patchy that I wasn't sure if it really was a lisp at all the only context I had that helped me make my decision was her akwardness and the fact that she was being bullied.
However I love the whole "old instruments from home" and "its traditional" link, clever.
The two show jokes also didn't seem forced like most Fan-fics I've read, they seemed so natural that I amlost read over them.
And of course the devlopement and your charactors have made seem natural it shows your real understanding of your charactors.
Finally the hints you have given about Cat give some wonderful insight into her character
wounderful just wonderful...
Good to know I can still impress 
Hmm, to me "mint green" and "wintergreen" are synonymous. If that's untrue, or enough people don't feel that way, I can edit that. Her speech impediment is not meant to be a lisp in fact, I try to emphasize that she has a significant gap between teeth that whistles when she talks. It isn't easy to portray.
Okay, so I had the yay routine, but what's the other show joke? I forget D:
I'm glad the development came out okay! I want it all to come off as natural for children having new experiences.
Oh man, I have only just begun with Cat! And Karaoke! And Octavia's parents! One of whom we still haven't met...
Hmm, to me "mint green" and "wintergreen" are synonymous. If that's untrue, or enough people don't feel that way, I can edit that. Her speech impediment is not meant to be a lisp in fact, I try to emphasize that she has a significant gap between teeth that whistles when she talks. It isn't easy to portray.
Okay, so I had the yay routine, but what's the other show joke? I forget D:
I'm glad the development came out okay! I want it all to come off as natural for children having new experiences.
Oh man, I have only just begun with Cat! And Karaoke! And Octavia's parents! One of whom we still haven't met...
"Good to know I can still impress"
Oh and then some, it was amazing, and its good to here the next chapter is on its way....
I hope I wasn't being too critical I was only trying to help and really it wasn't real critism just a few things I noticed that I thought I'd point out.
"Okay, so I had the yay routine, but what's the other show joke? I forget D:"
There was a small "10 seconds flat" that I thought was a joke and its actually writen "10 second flat" in this chapter (sorry).
"Her speech impediment is not meant to be a lisp in fact, I try to emphasize that she has a significant gap between teeth that whistles when she talks. It isn't easy to portray."
Oh, that makes now that makes sence you did mention it in the story but I had a hard time understanding it,
"Hmm, to me "mint green" and "wintergreen" are synonymous. If that's untrue, or enough people don't feel that way, I can edit that."
Don't worry about that, I just found it odd ignore me.
"Oh man, I have only just begun with Cat! And Karaoke! And Octavia's parents! One of whom we still haven't met..."
Can't wait...
Oh and then some, it was amazing, and its good to here the next chapter is on its way....
I hope I wasn't being too critical I was only trying to help and really it wasn't real critism just a few things I noticed that I thought I'd point out.
"Okay, so I had the yay routine, but what's the other show joke? I forget D:"
There was a small "10 seconds flat" that I thought was a joke and its actually writen "10 second flat" in this chapter (sorry).
"Her speech impediment is not meant to be a lisp in fact, I try to emphasize that she has a significant gap between teeth that whistles when she talks. It isn't easy to portray."
Oh, that makes now that makes sence you did mention it in the story but I had a hard time understanding it,
"Hmm, to me "mint green" and "wintergreen" are synonymous. If that's untrue, or enough people don't feel that way, I can edit that."
Don't worry about that, I just found it odd ignore me.
"Oh man, I have only just begun with Cat! And Karaoke! And Octavia's parents! One of whom we still haven't met..."
Can't wait...
Never worry about being too critical! I'm looking for it! I wasn't trying to argue, I just need to respond so I can get details on what you didn't like or whatever.
Don't be sorry about the 10 seconds thing, it probably was intentional and I just forgot about it. I do that occasionally.
Okay, hmm, I wonder how I can make that gap tooth thing more obvious? I do mention it a couple times...
I need to know when people find it odd! I could well be in the wrong about them being synonymous, that's why I mention it.
Anyway, thanks!
Don't be sorry about the 10 seconds thing, it probably was intentional and I just forgot about it. I do that occasionally.
Okay, hmm, I wonder how I can make that gap tooth thing more obvious? I do mention it a couple times...
I need to know when people find it odd! I could well be in the wrong about them being synonymous, that's why I mention it.
Anyway, thanks!
Your welcome...