Comment on Boy. by JakesException
Good question - one which nobody has picked up on.
It has two meanings:
> Electronic / Mouse.
> Travelling distance.
Meaning that this poem could be about a long distance relationship or two instead... Hmm... <3
It has two meanings:
> Electronic / Mouse.
> Travelling distance.
Meaning that this poem could be about a long distance relationship or two instead... Hmm... <3
We don't really use "clicks" to measure distance in the Wild West (er, America). 
I may have skimmed through the comments earlier, and vaguely remember that you alluded to both long-distance relationships and more than one lover before? Hmm indeed.
May I ask if this is autobiographical and if you actually want your work to be publicly dissected?
I may have skimmed through the comments earlier, and vaguely remember that you alluded to both long-distance relationships and more than one lover before? Hmm indeed.
May I ask if this is autobiographical and if you actually want your work to be publicly dissected?
That's why I chose it - make people think a little more diversely. <3
Fair enough.
People may publicly dissect as much of my stuff as they like - I take it as a compliment that fans are willing to look at my stuff in-depth. As for whether it's autobiographical; that's up for speculation. XD
Fair enough.
People may publicly dissect as much of my stuff as they like - I take it as a compliment that fans are willing to look at my stuff in-depth. As for whether it's autobiographical; that's up for speculation. XD
You have a real gift for prose. Very few poems strike such a perfect balance between "the meaning is right there" and "the meaning is <censored> elusive."
Please tell me if I'm looking at the wrong things here -- but "lonely sheets" suggests that, despite all the noise, the narrator is alone. And something in "(delving deeper than you like)" and "'We'll see'" implies that the narrator's partner is less than eager to continue the relationship. I can't decide if "swan song" is intended here to mean climax or last performance, or if the "skeleton's bones" is about something which is in actuality boneless or if it is a reminder of the borderline-psychosis in the second stanza.
Also, I really love that opening line.
Please tell me if I'm looking at the wrong things here -- but "lonely sheets" suggests that, despite all the noise, the narrator is alone. And something in "(delving deeper than you like)" and "'We'll see'" implies that the narrator's partner is less than eager to continue the relationship. I can't decide if "swan song" is intended here to mean climax or last performance, or if the "skeleton's bones" is about something which is in actuality boneless or if it is a reminder of the borderline-psychosis in the second stanza.
Also, I really love that opening line.
[Isn't prose a term used for stories? I thought it was poetry or prose - as in, poems or stories? Hmm...]
Don't censor yourself. I don't care about swearing.
I think the best thing about poetry is that you can completely change everything with only a few words - purely because you have less space to do stuff in. Thus, hiding stuff and keeping things obvious is much easier and much more fun. Sorry - I'm rambling.
Your thoughts about the one-sided relationship are correct. I would give you a point, but I think that part is pretty easy to find, in truth. However, at least you're going the right way! <3
"Swan song" is the last performance of something, yes.
"Skeleton's bones" is a bit of a weird one. I don't think anybody has quite got it, yet.
Quite a simple thing, really...
A lot of people do... For some reason... :I
Don't censor yourself. I don't care about swearing.
I think the best thing about poetry is that you can completely change everything with only a few words - purely because you have less space to do stuff in. Thus, hiding stuff and keeping things obvious is much easier and much more fun. Sorry - I'm rambling.
Your thoughts about the one-sided relationship are correct. I would give you a point, but I think that part is pretty easy to find, in truth. However, at least you're going the right way! <3
"Swan song" is the last performance of something, yes.
"Skeleton's bones" is a bit of a weird one. I don't think anybody has quite got it, yet.
Quite a simple thing, really...
A lot of people do... For some reason... :I
[It is. That was a really ridiculous mistake, actually.]
(I have to get in the habit of censoring myself, unfortunately. The day is fast approaching when I will have patients of my very own, and someone who has been hospitalized for a psychiatric disorder does not need to hear their psychologist say "fuck" every other word.) Let's make a deal: Until I figure out what your poem means, I will swear freely and you will not apologize for rambling - because rambling is fun too.
Hm... are the keys actually piano keys then?
(I have to get in the habit of censoring myself, unfortunately. The day is fast approaching when I will have patients of my very own, and someone who has been hospitalized for a psychiatric disorder does not need to hear their psychologist say "fuck" every other word.) Let's make a deal: Until I figure out what your poem means, I will swear freely and you will not apologize for rambling - because rambling is fun too.
Hm... are the keys actually piano keys then?
Swear as much as you fucking want. I actually kind of hate people who censor themselves in casual conversation. If you had the thought, say it. God... Honestly...
No - they are computer keys in the original draft.
Did you see my new Journal?
No - they are computer keys in the original draft.
Did you see my new Journal?
I do the same!
Prose - good prose - is hard to finish. (I've been working on the same damn series for four years.) But based on what I've seen of your gallery, you clearly have an excellent grasp of language and words; any prose you do produce must be brilliant. Can I ask what sort of things you write?
(It's an impression, and just based on a casual look at your gallery. Is it a wrong impression?)
(Fair enough.)
Actually, yes. But I still got nothin'. =/
Prose - good prose - is hard to finish. (I've been working on the same damn series for four years.) But based on what I've seen of your gallery, you clearly have an excellent grasp of language and words; any prose you do produce must be brilliant. Can I ask what sort of things you write?
(It's an impression, and just based on a casual look at your gallery. Is it a wrong impression?)
(Fair enough.)
Actually, yes. But I still got nothin'. =/
Is that a general frustration, or a "Please go the hell away you prude patronizing shrink?"
Just looked at your new journal. Have you tried submitting your work to an actual publisher, or to a literary magazine?
(I did not say I would fuck you because I get the impression that you're not particularly inclined toward womenfolk and wouldn't appreciate my advances. And to the third: Congratulations! It took me seven tries to get through one month, but it got easier after that.)
I need to ponder the computer keys/skeleton/swan song/everything a little bit more before I can give you anything more coherent than "This is a fucking fantastic poem but Dense American keeps reading 'legs on fire.'"
Just looked at your new journal. Have you tried submitting your work to an actual publisher, or to a literary magazine?
(I did not say I would fuck you because I get the impression that you're not particularly inclined toward womenfolk and wouldn't appreciate my advances. And to the third: Congratulations! It took me seven tries to get through one month, but it got easier after that.)
I need to ponder the computer keys/skeleton/swan song/everything a little bit more before I can give you anything more coherent than "This is a fucking fantastic poem but Dense American keeps reading 'legs on fire.'"
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Okay, also, I never leave this many comments and have no idea how the smiley thingies work - so please don't be offended/unnerved by any creepy emoticons I happen to use.