Comment on The Phantom of the Stadium by DamonWakes
Okay - I'm actually going to be critiquing this piece as a part of ^Beccalicious's Christmas is here! (Contest). But don't be afraid... it means nothing. 
I like to start my critiques with an overall impression of the piece.
Let me start by saying Thank you for such a lovely Christmas gift! 
I simply adored this rendition of The Phantom of the Opera. It was so humorous and charming that I couldn't stop smiling throughout. It is not often that I say this, but as a fellow writer you simply blew me away. I cannot believe the lack of recognition you've received for this piece... it should certainly be remedied.
Now I'd like to go over a few good points in your writing:
Your Voice
I loved the immediate voice I sensed in this. It's so quirky, cute, and clever. It gives the reader a "young adult" feel that is both relatable and quite popular in the writing industry right now. Hold onto it; it separates you from the masses of other would-be authors.
Your Natural Humor
The humorous almost playful tone of this piece is quite charming compared to most POTO renditions. It gives a teenage side to the tragedy that before this... I never thought could be achieved. But you've certainly pulled off the impossible!
Now for a little critique:
Formatting, anyone?
If I made any suggestion - although it's hard to at this point since I've completely fallen in love with this story - I would perhaps suggest a greater use of formatting. Instead of using quotations to mark significant words and phrases... why not use a bit of bolding or italics? It makes the text all the more prettier and the important words stand out.
All in all my dear, I was greatly impressed by your Secret Santa gift. I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond to your
, but it was certainly worth the wait. Thank you again for such a charming & humorous read for the holidays!
*OfOneSoul
I like to start my critiques with an overall impression of the piece.
Let me start by saying Thank you for such a lovely Christmas gift! I simply adored this rendition of The Phantom of the Opera. It was so humorous and charming that I couldn't stop smiling throughout. It is not often that I say this, but as a fellow writer you simply blew me away. I cannot believe the lack of recognition you've received for this piece... it should certainly be remedied.
Now I'd like to go over a few good points in your writing:
Your VoiceI loved the immediate voice I sensed in this. It's so quirky, cute, and clever. It gives the reader a "young adult" feel that is both relatable and quite popular in the writing industry right now. Hold onto it; it separates you from the masses of other would-be authors.
Your Natural HumorThe humorous almost playful tone of this piece is quite charming compared to most POTO renditions. It gives a teenage side to the tragedy that before this... I never thought could be achieved. But you've certainly pulled off the impossible!
Now for a little critique:
Formatting, anyone?If I made any suggestion - although it's hard to at this point since I've completely fallen in love with this story - I would perhaps suggest a greater use of formatting. Instead of using quotations to mark significant words and phrases... why not use a bit of bolding or italics? It makes the text all the more prettier and the important words stand out.
All in all my dear, I was greatly impressed by your Secret Santa gift. I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond to your
, but it was certainly worth the wait. Thank you again for such a charming & humorous read for the holidays! *OfOneSoulI like your crit-- you've made some really good observations on one of Damon's funniest stories--but I have to disagree with you on formatting, which is a serious no-no if you want to look professional. Here it makes phrases jump out more than they warrant in the text--like USING ALL CAPS MAKES YOUR TEXT SHOUT-- and upsets the flow. Used very carefully, formatting can work, but 'making the text prettier' isn't a good enough reason.
Thank you for the comment on my critique.
However; 'making the text prettier' was not the only reason I suggested formatting. There were several places in the story that *DamonWakes used quotations to emphasize words. I felt it was worth mentioning that italics would be a nice substitute and is what's usually called for in those situations.
Thanks again for your comment, my dear!
However; 'making the text prettier' was not the only reason I suggested formatting. There were several places in the story that *DamonWakes used quotations to emphasize words. I felt it was worth mentioning that italics would be a nice substitute and is what's usually called for in those situations.
Thanks again for your comment, my dear!
Glad you like it. 
And it's good to see (and get!) a Critmas critique. I really need to catch up on mine.
I'm pleased to hear you think the voice works well: I think that's usually one of the weaker elements of my writing. I'll keep this in mind next time I write something with this sort of protagonist: if I've stumbled across something that works here, it would definitely be good to use it again.
I was also a little worried it would totally clash with PoTO, so that's a relief too.
I try to avoid bold/italics for emphasis in fiction, but for those phrases I think you've got a point. It would help them stand out, and looking back, I'm not thrilled about the quotes myself. I've had a fiddle around and bold definitely stands out, but I'm wondering if it might be a little too much. Any thoughts?
In any case, thank you for the comment!
And it's good to see (and get!) a Critmas critique. I really need to catch up on mine.I'm pleased to hear you think the voice works well: I think that's usually one of the weaker elements of my writing. I'll keep this in mind next time I write something with this sort of protagonist: if I've stumbled across something that works here, it would definitely be good to use it again.
I was also a little worried it would totally clash with PoTO, so that's a relief too.I try to avoid bold/italics for emphasis in fiction, but for those phrases I think you've got a point. It would help them stand out, and looking back, I'm not thrilled about the quotes myself. I've had a fiddle around and bold definitely stands out, but I'm wondering if it might be a little too much. Any thoughts?
In any case, thank you for the comment!
Hmmmm - I think it works for the word average - but instead of bolding the phrase, "alright, I guess"... how about putting it in italics? I think it would look much better. 
And you're very welcome, my dear! It was truly a lovely Christmas Present - and this rendition of POTO is certainly one of my favorites.
And you're very welcome, my dear! It was truly a lovely Christmas Present - and this rendition of POTO is certainly one of my favorites.
I think I'd rather use the same style for each one, just to keep it consistent: I can't see any reason to use bold for one and italics for the other, when they're essentially the same thing. Perhaps italics would work better for both?
I would certainly use italics then. It will certainly look better. 