Its okay to be selfish sometimes, go ahead and put yourself on the blacklist. And don't give a shit what anyone has to say about it. Its not about them. Its about your mental and physical health. If it makes you upset, or its to much, then its time to draw the line. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel or how you should handle any situation. Just do what you feel you have to.
And just try to relax and heal sweetie. I hope you get better soon! C:>