............as I said before I am just affected very negatively by the story. very, very, very negatively.
and the latest chapter made me facepalm violently.................. everything with it is off. the behavior of the reagl sisters, them no recognizing rarity, rarity not telling everyone hat hey, the regal sisters are there! let's release them so they can kick emeralds ass!
everything aobut this story is completely off.
.......it might work, might, if these charactes were your own ocs. you can make them ebehave as tyou want then. but no, these are not ocs. you cannot just make them do as you wish...............
and the trap here is sooooo god damn obvious that I nearly caused myself brain damage when the pseudo mane six fell for it hook, line, sinker......
them being stupid does not make your villain smart. dumb enemies just makes your own character incompetent because they can only win because their enemies are dumb.
and the latest chapter made me facepalm violently.................. everything with it is off. the behavior of the reagl sisters, them no recognizing rarity, rarity not telling everyone hat hey, the regal sisters are there! let's release them so they can kick emeralds ass!
everything aobut this story is completely off.
.......it might work, might, if these charactes were your own ocs. you can make them ebehave as tyou want then. but no, these are not ocs. you cannot just make them do as you wish...............
and the trap here is sooooo god damn obvious that I nearly caused myself brain damage when the pseudo mane six fell for it hook, line, sinker......
them being stupid does not make your villain smart. dumb enemies just makes your own character incompetent because they can only win because their enemies are dumb.
well ah
I'm gonna pretend I understand what you mean when you say there's a trap, because I don't really recall putting one in
Hmm...
also can you please stop harassing me about this story because it's really rude to insult me about it even after I block you and tell you multiple times to stop...
I'm gonna pretend I understand what you mean when you say there's a trap, because I don't really recall putting one in
Hmm...
also can you please stop harassing me about this story because it's really rude to insult me about it even after I block you and tell you multiple times to stop...
shakes head. regardless, you should anticipate criticism anyway if you create something....... admitably mine is mostly destructive rather than constructive but i can't think of a single thing that could repair this story. everything is just a mess in it. honestly i have seen worse messes in story telling, but when it comes down to characterization, it is teeth grinding. cause i know in my heart if any of these characte had been protrayed correctly, none what happens would happen.
even you own oc. think about it. is it really that impressive when she outsmarts braindead oc versions of the mane six and the regal sistres, only winning because they are sutpid enoguh to let her?
not to mention you completely ignored one major factor with that whole brainwashing thing. You ignored that Celestia has the capacity to compeltely break brainwashing spells at will. She broke the want it need it spell, which is technically brainwashing, cast by none other than twilight sparkle.
in other words if she had been written competently, she would have simply flown over the crowd and removed the brainwashing.
your oc fails to imrpes because you had to deteriat the abilities and strength of the mane six and regal sisters to make her capable of doing anyrthing. or at least that is the only way i can think why. what happens when you don't write them right is your create major plot holes all over the place.
even you own oc. think about it. is it really that impressive when she outsmarts braindead oc versions of the mane six and the regal sistres, only winning because they are sutpid enoguh to let her?
not to mention you completely ignored one major factor with that whole brainwashing thing. You ignored that Celestia has the capacity to compeltely break brainwashing spells at will. She broke the want it need it spell, which is technically brainwashing, cast by none other than twilight sparkle.
in other words if she had been written competently, she would have simply flown over the crowd and removed the brainwashing.
your oc fails to imrpes because you had to deteriat the abilities and strength of the mane six and regal sisters to make her capable of doing anyrthing. or at least that is the only way i can think why. what happens when you don't write them right is your create major plot holes all over the place.
Wow I'm sorry that you couldn't grasp the subtle nuances I put in that showed that maybe characters have motives that aren't being given away yet even though I've reminded you of that about three times now.
What's you're deal anyway? Just stop reading the story if you think it's so broken beyond repair. Why go through torturing me about problems that aren't even there? Move on already, yeesh.
(And, ah, just saying, your work isn't exactly stellar, either...)
What's you're deal anyway? Just stop reading the story if you think it's so broken beyond repair. Why go through torturing me about problems that aren't even there? Move on already, yeesh.
(And, ah, just saying, your work isn't exactly stellar, either...)
... i seriously do not understand you desire to write that insulting tripe. the stupid unicorn got kicked in the chest at high speeds. even if she was alble to catch herself, her ribs would be cracked, her breathing shallow. PERIOD. gthat is the real ending. she died from the attack, eibs shattered, coughing up blood. magic means fuck if you do not have the time to react.
your oc is an insult to the fandom and mlp, and so is your story.
your oc is an insult to the fandom and mlp, and so is your story.
ooooh, forgot one part.
you made emerald live when anyone would have died........ i am fucking seriuos here, she was kicked in the chest, it would have knocked the wind out of her and left her helpless. she was kicked in the chest at extra high speeds as well. put simply, emerald would have died there, no exceptions.
the fact she is alive desptie the guarantee of death is because of incompetent writing and a feel that you had to kill off another character, further cementing your lack of aiblity for creating actual drama. death is not drama, interaction is drama. and rainbow dash would have killed lyra look alike right then and there if you did not twist the plot.
killing off most of the mane six has only made this story obviously a badly thought out fanfic and nothing more. killing one of two, set up the stakes, okay. but with most of them dead it is clear you are incompetent in creating character ineraction and drama. you cannot rely on them being the charactes from the show, you have to actually write them.
far as i am concerned this story is beyond bad. it is contrived snuff fiction. if it was any other character rainbow dash kicked than your precious pathetic villain, they would have died. but not lyra look alike, because she has plot armor that makes her somehow able to survive a fatal attack. dear god it is so obviousyl plot armor it just REEKS of incompetence. you are uspposed to hide plot armor, not show it blatant as day.
all i can say is either delete or rewrite the story, cause it is not worth time from either myself or you. you majorly fialed now with that little stunt. even the regal sisters would have been winded by that attack. lyra look alike would have been all but finished short of the impact to the concrete at the bottom.
you made emerald live when anyone would have died........ i am fucking seriuos here, she was kicked in the chest, it would have knocked the wind out of her and left her helpless. she was kicked in the chest at extra high speeds as well. put simply, emerald would have died there, no exceptions.
the fact she is alive desptie the guarantee of death is because of incompetent writing and a feel that you had to kill off another character, further cementing your lack of aiblity for creating actual drama. death is not drama, interaction is drama. and rainbow dash would have killed lyra look alike right then and there if you did not twist the plot.
killing off most of the mane six has only made this story obviously a badly thought out fanfic and nothing more. killing one of two, set up the stakes, okay. but with most of them dead it is clear you are incompetent in creating character ineraction and drama. you cannot rely on them being the charactes from the show, you have to actually write them.
far as i am concerned this story is beyond bad. it is contrived snuff fiction. if it was any other character rainbow dash kicked than your precious pathetic villain, they would have died. but not lyra look alike, because she has plot armor that makes her somehow able to survive a fatal attack. dear god it is so obviousyl plot armor it just REEKS of incompetence. you are uspposed to hide plot armor, not show it blatant as day.
all i can say is either delete or rewrite the story, cause it is not worth time from either myself or you. you majorly fialed now with that little stunt. even the regal sisters would have been winded by that attack. lyra look alike would have been all but finished short of the impact to the concrete at the bottom.
you have no nuances in that story. NONE. fake lyra is shallow and empty in characterization, her victories are non existant, you killed off all of the mane six buy the unicorns for no god damn reason, msoto f them not even being connected to fake lyra and arguably non of them short of rainbow dash, who you wrote as fucking dimwitted as ever to not even think of stabbing the bitch.......... that is just plain incompetence.
drama comes from character ineraction, and not only have you provided no character interaction at ALL, you killed most of the damn characters that acutrally matter! and mpost of them tied by being too stupid to live!!! what the hell got in your head that made you think that the beings that beat a chaos beast would ever be in danger to your fucking lyra look alike oc? in what way is your pathetic attempt at making a joker like more dangerous than those that came before?
only answer is because you write without thinking oftheir capacity, aiblities, and powers, and do extremely forced dark,dark, gore gore, kill all the characters cause I don't understand hwo else to make drama, ignore that the mane six could have pulverized my badly made oc so I can create a plot held together with gum, paperclips, and badly played out character assassinations of every variant.
drama comes from character ineraction, and not only have you provided no character interaction at ALL, you killed most of the damn characters that acutrally matter! and mpost of them tied by being too stupid to live!!! what the hell got in your head that made you think that the beings that beat a chaos beast would ever be in danger to your fucking lyra look alike oc? in what way is your pathetic attempt at making a joker like more dangerous than those that came before?
only answer is because you write without thinking oftheir capacity, aiblities, and powers, and do extremely forced dark,dark, gore gore, kill all the characters cause I don't understand hwo else to make drama, ignore that the mane six could have pulverized my badly made oc so I can create a plot held together with gum, paperclips, and badly played out character assassinations of every variant.
.......no he isn't lordofmyth dude......... I am. and after that last little bit of garbage you called a chapter, I am more royally pissed than EVER.
you fail at that story because nothing surpises me. you killed off pretty much all the mane six but rarity........... all of them like they are bnothing. to make way for your ocs, like I said in the beginning with fluttershy's death. even worse your reasoning for their demises becomes more and more and more STUPID.
with rainbow's death now, which pisses me off more because of your lazy writing and hamfisted misconception of what drama is (it is character interaction not death, obviously), it is clearly obvious she only revealed herself to emerald to get killed. she could have attacked her without saying a word and emerald would have been so alarmed she would have been unable to use magic.......... or oeven better, rainbow could have STABBED her when she tackled her. why didn't she? because hyou had to kill off the last non unicorn of the team for forced drama.. ..... don't lie, don't tell me if she came in with a blade without warning emerald could react to it. cause she couldn't. rarity could have killed her since the beginning because she is a badly, badly written villain whose accomplishments comes solely from you wanting her success than anythingelse
put simple you story is very bad. even if I ignore the fact that you are killing off the mane sixi for forced drama, which is bad fanfiction 101 to lord your characters over the actual ones, your plot is forced, the characters act like pure idiots, plot linles exist only to kill off characters, and thus all the emotion is numb, forced, and utterly meaningless. I lost any emotional connection when applejack let applebloom die..... and the show bless it, revealed that in fact she COULD have busted through that glass and made a run for it and survived with impunity against emerald. her strength is of the earth itself. her endurance is of stone. emerald could not bind a sister hell bent on seaving her own........ not to mention you made her death meanginless by making her stupid to beging with.............
i don't else to say. i have held my tongue this entire time, even knowing you were here..... but i can't any more. this story is bad and lacks both soul and caring. you cannot epect to use the characters and us immediately identify and care for them just because they are from the show, especially when they all act like retards to make your oc look fake smart. so many other methods to use, so many justified reasons to think they would use them...... all ignored because you can't have the actual characters overshadow you oc.
you fail at that story because nothing surpises me. you killed off pretty much all the mane six but rarity........... all of them like they are bnothing. to make way for your ocs, like I said in the beginning with fluttershy's death. even worse your reasoning for their demises becomes more and more and more STUPID.
with rainbow's death now, which pisses me off more because of your lazy writing and hamfisted misconception of what drama is (it is character interaction not death, obviously), it is clearly obvious she only revealed herself to emerald to get killed. she could have attacked her without saying a word and emerald would have been so alarmed she would have been unable to use magic.......... or oeven better, rainbow could have STABBED her when she tackled her. why didn't she? because hyou had to kill off the last non unicorn of the team for forced drama.. ..... don't lie, don't tell me if she came in with a blade without warning emerald could react to it. cause she couldn't. rarity could have killed her since the beginning because she is a badly, badly written villain whose accomplishments comes solely from you wanting her success than anythingelse
put simple you story is very bad. even if I ignore the fact that you are killing off the mane sixi for forced drama, which is bad fanfiction 101 to lord your characters over the actual ones, your plot is forced, the characters act like pure idiots, plot linles exist only to kill off characters, and thus all the emotion is numb, forced, and utterly meaningless. I lost any emotional connection when applejack let applebloom die..... and the show bless it, revealed that in fact she COULD have busted through that glass and made a run for it and survived with impunity against emerald. her strength is of the earth itself. her endurance is of stone. emerald could not bind a sister hell bent on seaving her own........ not to mention you made her death meanginless by making her stupid to beging with.............
i don't else to say. i have held my tongue this entire time, even knowing you were here..... but i can't any more. this story is bad and lacks both soul and caring. you cannot epect to use the characters and us immediately identify and care for them just because they are from the show, especially when they all act like retards to make your oc look fake smart. so many other methods to use, so many justified reasons to think they would use them...... all ignored because you can't have the actual characters overshadow you oc.
......wait, block me? then how are we communicating right now?
I blocked you on Fimfiction so I wouldn't have to deal with your comments on there anymore
But apparently that means you're just going to keep complaining about it for no reasons through different means like you are right now
But apparently that means you're just going to keep complaining about it for no reasons through different means like you are right now
......... kay i jsut looked at the comments you had on it.................... i guess i can kinda see why you might think i was someone else................ kidna creepy actually to have someone with such a similar opnion........ oh dear.
shakes head. either way, i am going with what i said. you focus on narratives more than characters, and you really shouldn't. the common thing with all great stories, or at least decent ones, fanfic or not, is that the characters are not forced into being out of the character so the tory prgoresses. the narrative hsould be worked around the character, not boll them over. if a characte dies it should be because they went into a situation wehre they meet theri deaths, not simply because you NEED them to die.
shakes head. either way, i am going with what i said. you focus on narratives more than characters, and you really shouldn't. the common thing with all great stories, or at least decent ones, fanfic or not, is that the characters are not forced into being out of the character so the tory prgoresses. the narrative hsould be worked around the character, not boll them over. if a characte dies it should be because they went into a situation wehre they meet theri deaths, not simply because you NEED them to die.
you have literally the near exact same username, and you write exactly the same, and you came on here so you could keep whining about the story because I blocked you so you couldn't do so on Fimfiction
I'm not stupid, I can figure that much out, so stop playing innocent about it.
Now, for the millionth time, stop attacking me and my work even though it is blatantly obvious that I don't want you to.
I'm not stupid, I can figure that much out, so stop playing innocent about it.
Now, for the millionth time, stop attacking me and my work even though it is blatantly obvious that I don't want you to.
eact same user..... shakes head.
you know just because someone share an opinion with another does not mean they are the same peson. and if enough people go up to you and say there is a problem, then likely ther IS a problem
besides my account here is five years older than yours. if I just came here to torment you why would I have a si year old account here? shakes head.
guess you are a no ctiticsm type, which is kinda an unhealthy mindset. and I repeat; I may have a similar opnion, but I am NOT whoever the hell yo are talking about. you can't just claim that to avoid criticism.
you know just because someone share an opinion with another does not mean they are the same peson. and if enough people go up to you and say there is a problem, then likely ther IS a problem
besides my account here is five years older than yours. if I just came here to torment you why would I have a si year old account here? shakes head.
guess you are a no ctiticsm type, which is kinda an unhealthy mindset. and I repeat; I may have a similar opnion, but I am NOT whoever the hell yo are talking about. you can't just claim that to avoid criticism.
I'm not saying you made this account just to complain to me, as you probably were using it beforehand, but that you used this account to continue rambling on and on for no reason.
And I *highly* doubt there are three people that all happened to come across the same story, found the same things "wrong" with it, and kept complaining to me about it in broken english with the same nuances. Not to mention one would show up right after another was blocked/banned/etc.
And what you're doing isn't giving me criticism, as I've accepted most if not all of the criticism I've gotten before. What you're doing is harassing me through any means possible about the story because you find some sort of enjoyment in doing so.
I don't get why my story gets your panties in such a twist (yeah yeah it's "what you hate the most about fanfics" or whatever) and there is no way you can justify your behavior, so just stop and leave me be.
Is it really so great to harass a 14 year old girl over the internet just because you don't like her fanfic? Isn't that like the lowest thing ever?
And I *highly* doubt there are three people that all happened to come across the same story, found the same things "wrong" with it, and kept complaining to me about it in broken english with the same nuances. Not to mention one would show up right after another was blocked/banned/etc.
And what you're doing isn't giving me criticism, as I've accepted most if not all of the criticism I've gotten before. What you're doing is harassing me through any means possible about the story because you find some sort of enjoyment in doing so.
I don't get why my story gets your panties in such a twist (yeah yeah it's "what you hate the most about fanfics" or whatever) and there is no way you can justify your behavior, so just stop and leave me be.
Is it really so great to harass a 14 year old girl over the internet just because you don't like her fanfic? Isn't that like the lowest thing ever?
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......... what are you talking about. seirously, what are you talking about? i don't even have a account on fimfiction. kinda don't need one on it. just was not about to create an account just to bitch at someone.
hell i came here only because i felt the pciture was awesome but the story is just too flawed. you are the one who replied. and yes, i found you account while i was diong that but chose to not start anything, just gave my opinion on your story. why would i bother with him?
and about characters and nuances......... there is nuances and then there is just poor writing. what nuances emerald has, everything else is bad writing.reason why is you put your narrative before you characters....... that is like trying to bake a cake before you even mixed the ignredients. the narrative serves the characters. they re what is important to a story. that is what makes mlp so good to begin with. even if the narrative is lacking, the characters pushing it forwards are appealing. it is the characters that make a story.
you put your narrative before your charactes, and make them do things to serve it rather than work the narrative around the characters. where applebloom is smart and would be cautios enough to avoid her, you have her yell at the sociopathic murderer tyrant. where pinkie pie is altruistic and gets her truest happiness when she brings ease to others, you have her abandon all that for happiness she knows is fake. where celestia is a being who views herself more as a teacher than a ruler, you have her refuse to give her ponies a chance to grow. and when a character is powerful and capable, you make them weak and feeble if the situation you created cannot function otherwise.
kay that is my reasoning i guess. mlp' strength is that it will have the narrative serve the chracters. it does not force them to be anything else but themselves for the story to work. your story forces the characters to behave a certain way in order for the narrative and plot to progress. that is a dire mistkae. your characters are hollow becase they are not really shaping the story at all. you are, the narrative is, and they re just passengers and or scapegoats for the story to continue......... that is the opposite of mlp's strength.
................. and why do you think i am some guy from fimfiction anyway? that just doesn't make any sense. how would that work anyway?
hell i came here only because i felt the pciture was awesome but the story is just too flawed. you are the one who replied. and yes, i found you account while i was diong that but chose to not start anything, just gave my opinion on your story. why would i bother with him?
and about characters and nuances......... there is nuances and then there is just poor writing. what nuances emerald has, everything else is bad writing.reason why is you put your narrative before you characters....... that is like trying to bake a cake before you even mixed the ignredients. the narrative serves the characters. they re what is important to a story. that is what makes mlp so good to begin with. even if the narrative is lacking, the characters pushing it forwards are appealing. it is the characters that make a story.
you put your narrative before your charactes, and make them do things to serve it rather than work the narrative around the characters. where applebloom is smart and would be cautios enough to avoid her, you have her yell at the sociopathic murderer tyrant. where pinkie pie is altruistic and gets her truest happiness when she brings ease to others, you have her abandon all that for happiness she knows is fake. where celestia is a being who views herself more as a teacher than a ruler, you have her refuse to give her ponies a chance to grow. and when a character is powerful and capable, you make them weak and feeble if the situation you created cannot function otherwise.
kay that is my reasoning i guess. mlp' strength is that it will have the narrative serve the chracters. it does not force them to be anything else but themselves for the story to work. your story forces the characters to behave a certain way in order for the narrative and plot to progress. that is a dire mistkae. your characters are hollow becase they are not really shaping the story at all. you are, the narrative is, and they re just passengers and or scapegoats for the story to continue......... that is the opposite of mlp's strength.
................. and why do you think i am some guy from fimfiction anyway? that just doesn't make any sense. how would that work anyway?