Comment on Red and Wolf by *HiddenCaitastrophe[top] [parent]

I'll hit you both with this one, because, there's a ton of hints at dialog in the story, but no actual quotes. Conversations between Red and Wolf on the street, then with Charlie, then in the house with Nana, with Wolf intruding. About half this story is interactions which could benefit greatly from quotes and defined conversations between the characters. Sometimes it was actual dialog, but remained undefined by the narrative from the lack of quote, specifically towards the end, like the wolf saying, "'Hello Nana,'" And as I've seen, you don't loose a lot of that colloquial tone with quotes and banter back and forth between characters, and that's easy to balance out with your diction,(("Hello Nana," that there wolf proclaimed intrudin' on them.)) But your use of diction doesn't come off as a story book, either, but more about the terms your characters use. And that's fine, cause it's horror. You need to relate to the characters to be surprised. Dialog generally helps at not feeling rushed through the story.