You have totally ruined this poem... even if it is yours I feel you have taken something good, remixed it, and called it your own.
This could be so much better, if you remove yourself from the equation.
I will let my critique explain, You have talent, or rather the right idea... and like allot of things, you only need an idea, making it Great is only the shell around the message.
Now if you manage to rewrite this, you could actually imprint your idea in peoples heads
This could be so much better, if you remove yourself from the equation.
I will let my critique explain, You have talent, or rather the right idea... and like allot of things, you only need an idea, making it Great is only the shell around the message.
Now if you manage to rewrite this, you could actually imprint your idea in peoples heads
I'm very confused on what you're talking about. You say the author "ruined" this poem by adding themselves to the equation, but HUNDREDS of poems do that. I do that, because I like to use poetry to talk about how I feel, I use it as a way to get through the hard times and commemorate the good. Since I can't find your critique, I may be misunderstanding you, so if you could please explain what you meant, I'd be grateful.
poetry is meant to be universal... not in the sense that anyone can understand it, but in the sense that the reader feels you are talking about them... not about you.
Even if you replace and I with something else, it still feels like you wrote the poetry for your self... but now it can be enjoyed by everyone, because they do not feel you are just talking about yourself
Even if you replace and I with something else, it still feels like you wrote the poetry for your self... but now it can be enjoyed by everyone, because they do not feel you are just talking about yourself
I beg to respectfully disagree. Poetry can be anything you want it to be. It's your job to express yourself through it, not make it so others can connect with you by writing something else. And I felt like I could connect with this poem perfectly, because I payed attention to the details that were described and not the simple fact that this person was talking about themselves. I can see where you're coming from, but I believe that method is more of a betrayal to the art than what you first claimed, as in altering the poem it no longer came solely from your heart, and you end up pleasing others more than you please yourself.
Not so... I often find that reading poetry like this annoys me, because it creates the illusion that she/he is excluding me from the story.
When I write, I think only of myself, but I write in a way that all can see what I feel through what they feel in turn through my words...
I agree with you... some methods do destroy what is Poetry... but, some do not.
You seem like an interesting person... is it ok if I poke around your page?
When I write, I think only of myself, but I write in a way that all can see what I feel through what they feel in turn through my words...
I agree with you... some methods do destroy what is Poetry... but, some do not.
You seem like an interesting person... is it ok if I poke around your page?
Well, if that is your view, I respect it. However I do not see that as being the point of poetry at all. Like I said, I don't like to feel like I'm obligated to make it so that people can relate to my work. If they do, awesome. If they don't, that's fine too. But I do think it's really harsh and, if i may be frank, a bit rude to tell someone they ruined a poem (that they wrote) just because it's in a style not to your liking.
Of course! Look at anything you like.
Of course! Look at anything you like.
Fair enough...still hate it, but like you said, look at anything I like... I'll try in future to only comment on things I like... I write poetry too... 
, maybe I'm just a little jealous
, maybe I'm just a little jealousOkay, but tred carefully, my poetry topics tend to flip-flop.
I've checked out a few of your poems, and I really like them. I know how you feel, mine don't really get that much attention either. But don't be jealous! You are a good writer, too!
I've checked out a few of your poems, and I really like them. I know how you feel, mine don't really get that much attention either. But don't be jealous! You are a good writer, too!
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I'm sorry you feel that way, but I like my poem, and I understand what you're saying, but I don't really want to change it. I'll try to remember what you're saying in the future though.
thanks, I know it's hard to receive any critique, I even get a stiff faced snarl every time someone says my work isn't perfect... even though I believe you can only gain from stern faced negativity...
Your the bigger person, even if I'm totally wrong
Your the bigger person, even if I'm totally wrong