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All Deviations
All Deviations

Comment on Wed by ~TheShun

~RadAdam:iconRadAdam: Dec 19, 2006, 3:38:54 PM
FUCK YES!

So ridiculously rockstar bro, although I do hope you weren't inferring something about me sucka! :P

Seriously though this is my favorite thing you've ever written. I might have to go through some old poetry to make sure, but I almost certain.

You set it up so beautifully. I was completely immersed in the beautiful imagery you presented throughout the entire piece. This could have stood alone as an great short of a wedding day in your head. Instead you took it to a completely new level and blindsided me with that ending.

"My best-men were next to me; these culprits."
This line is so loaded, which is why I like it so much. Culprits in the drinks and pranks of bachelor life, but it ends up being a completely different adjective. Wonderful set-up.

"She was crying again. I was not."
This was a great example of how much I think your perfection of punctuation helps this piece. I enjoyed the variable use of longer/shorter sentences and everything in between with punctuation. Rarely these days can I find someone with craft in this area. Also, I like how defining this line is for the character.

Finally, the last line was great. Everything in this piece ties together. It seems no words or thoughts involved are left untouched, or with no other meaning that to 'make it pretty.'

P.S. I approve of the rhyme. ;)

Devious Comments

~RadAdam:iconRadAdam: Dec 19, 2006, 3:38:54 PM Mood: Astonished
FUCK YES!

So ridiculously rockstar bro, although I do hope you weren't inferring something about me sucka! :P

Seriously though this is my favorite thing you've ever written. I might have to go through some old poetry to make sure, but I almost certain.

You set it up so beautifully. I was completely immersed in the beautiful imagery you presented throughout the entire piece. This could have stood alone as an great short of a wedding day in your head. Instead you took it to a completely new level and blindsided me with that ending.

"My best-men were next to me; these culprits."
This line is so loaded, which is why I like it so much. Culprits in the drinks and pranks of bachelor life, but it ends up being a completely different adjective. Wonderful set-up.

"She was crying again. I was not."
This was a great example of how much I think your perfection of punctuation helps this piece. I enjoyed the variable use of longer/shorter sentences and everything in between with punctuation. Rarely these days can I find someone with craft in this area. Also, I like how defining this line is for the character.

Finally, the last line was great. Everything in this piece ties together. It seems no words or thoughts involved are left untouched, or with no other meaning that to 'make it pretty.'

P.S. I approve of the rhyme. ;)
~TheShun:iconTheShun: Dec 19, 2006, 6:19:20 PM
There are a lot of hidden meanings in here. I know, but the rhyming actually fits. I am really proud of this work. Hot damn!

Thane
[link]

--
Plugs:
~Niiicko ~RadAdam ~okashina ~JohnnyLongStreet *directorman ~ArtBennyRGrau ~Impbeast ~Bolt-Of-Mjolnir
~ArtBennyRGrau:iconArtBennyRGrau: Dec 29, 2006, 8:30:41 AM
FUCK YES INDEED
damn dude
what a twist ending
just great.
But you tire from my complements
so I will cease lol

--
literature is art too: Genkidesu, Daijobuu... ne?...nya
~TheShun~JaqDHawkins
MARIA Totus tuum ego. clubs I im in ~utada-club~ifchinscouldkill
~TheShun:iconTheShun: Jan 2, 2007, 12:22:52 AM
I'm trying to circulate more. We'll see if anything comes from it.

Thane
[link]

--
Plugs:
~Niiicko ~RadAdam ~okashina ~JohnnyLongStreet *directorman ~ArtBennyRGrau ~Impbeast ~Bolt-Of-Mjolnir