[x]

deviantART

 
:D Sounds great!

--
Gone... Fading... Everything... And, all that could have been...
N I N E I N C H N A I L S

Devious Comments

that is probably the darkest poem i`ve ever read.....


BRAVO!!!! :clap:

thats darker than my poem Tears of Blood

--
CerEbow`s Proverbs:
Food is worth a thousend Words
When you get Lemons Throw them at People
Gay People never give up
Men are Dogs they NEED us
xD I think that's a compliment. o.o
lol

--
CerEbow`s Proverbs:
Food is worth a thousend Words
When you get Lemons Throw them at People
Gay People never give up
Men are Dogs they NEED us
Slightly repetitive, but not to the point of ruining the overall idea.

The only thing I can suggest for this one is phrasing. You've added a lot of line breaks, and that's a good way to make a point visually, but be careful where you put the breaks, as when it's done unnessarily, it makes the flow choppy.

Suicide is a dark topic, but your choice of words in most cases here are perfect for portraying it. :D

Keep up the good work!

--
Gone... Fading... Everything... And, all that could have been...
N I N E I N C H N A I L S
-nods- I understand what you mean. Tomorrow I'll go through and change the line breaks a bit.
:D Sounds great!

--
Gone... Fading... Everything... And, all that could have been...
N I N E I N C H N A I L S
How dark indeed! How horrible... Did this person witness the suicide? It's...sad... I'm gonna cry, that poor person... What happened?

I'll fave it! It's wonderful! :clap:

--
Chikara-chan, Hero of Winds!
力-ちゃん, 風の英雄!
¡Chikara-chan! ¡héroe de vientos!
Chikara-chan, Tuulten Sankari!
I don't think the person actually witnessed the suicide, because I think they probably would have stopped it if they could, but more the aftermath of it.

And thanks for the fave. ^^
Oh. Okay.

--
Chikara-chan, Hero of Winds!
力-ちゃん, 風の英雄!
¡Chikara-chan! ¡héroe de vientos!
Chikara-chan, Tuulten Sankari!

Site Map