Comment on Cure Me chp. 3 by AstroZerk
Thank you for the lovely compliment. ^^ And aside from a few loose errors strewn about, you did a great job.
“Get some rest some rest..." I just think that you had a little mental drift, since I've done this plenty of times before.
There was one capitalization error that I caught ("Look..." he snatches her other arm.), and then somewhere in there you tossed in an 'S' where it wasn't needed. I can't recall where it is, but I believe Kabuto was speaking and said, "mines," as in the possessive form of the word...but with an 'S'.
You seemed kind of skippy with your indentations, but that's not a huge problem. Also, you had a few paragraphs that were pretty big. Remember, you want to start a new one with changes in subject, or every 1-5 sentences.
She notices the same hand continues to slowly move around her waist and rubbing across her belly. The soft touches turn into a strong grip around her waist. A splash is heard underneath. “Wait what are…you…stop it” Her eyes nearly glazes over when she feels something smooth like fingers rub between her legs harder but still in a slow pace.
She sees the towel floating in the water in the corner of her eyes. "Oh my god what is going on?" she mutters to herself “I said quit it!” She starts to panic, face heated and tries to move away but his grip was too tight around her. Something goes inside her and presses against the only thing keeping it from going any further. Then another making her region stretch a bit.
It was a very uncomfortable feeling and felt like a sharp pressure. She squirms around his arms trying desperately to stop the pressure, her face numb gasping for air. “…stop…” she starts.
Like that, for example. But like I said at the beginning, I think you did great for someone getting back into their groove. I'll be waiting for chapter four, you can be sure. And would you believe it, I'm running out of tips! X3
“Get some rest some rest..." I just think that you had a little mental drift, since I've done this plenty of times before.
There was one capitalization error that I caught ("Look..." he snatches her other arm.), and then somewhere in there you tossed in an 'S' where it wasn't needed. I can't recall where it is, but I believe Kabuto was speaking and said, "mines," as in the possessive form of the word...but with an 'S'.
You seemed kind of skippy with your indentations, but that's not a huge problem. Also, you had a few paragraphs that were pretty big. Remember, you want to start a new one with changes in subject, or every 1-5 sentences.
She notices the same hand continues to slowly move around her waist and rubbing across her belly. The soft touches turn into a strong grip around her waist. A splash is heard underneath. “Wait what are…you…stop it” Her eyes nearly glazes over when she feels something smooth like fingers rub between her legs harder but still in a slow pace.
She sees the towel floating in the water in the corner of her eyes. "Oh my god what is going on?" she mutters to herself “I said quit it!” She starts to panic, face heated and tries to move away but his grip was too tight around her. Something goes inside her and presses against the only thing keeping it from going any further. Then another making her region stretch a bit.
It was a very uncomfortable feeling and felt like a sharp pressure. She squirms around his arms trying desperately to stop the pressure, her face numb gasping for air. “…stop…” she starts.
Like that, for example. But like I said at the beginning, I think you did great for someone getting back into their groove. I'll be waiting for chapter four, you can be sure. And would you believe it, I'm running out of tips! X3
Okay, I shall edit that.