Comment on Laratia Sample Pages 05 by ~toasterpip

I agree, the "adorable" line seems somewhat out of place. It sounds too......simple for his character? Perhaps not the right word. Hmmm.... Well, the previous pages had shown him as more of the wise figure, I think it'd be more reflective of his personality (as has been thus far shown) to say something a little bit deeper.

Or perhaps it not the "adorable" aspect, but the way he goes about it. Perhaps what really seems out of place is that he got someones attention to say something so trivial, perhaps if he said it more to himself than to that creature and then apologized for accidentally waking it up with his thinking out loud it'd seem more appropriate.

Or maybe it's more the words going along with "adorable", in particular, "just" seems a little out of place to me. When I say it out loud to myself, it sounds better if the "just" is just omitted from the sentence.


Maybe it's even a mixture of the above. Well, whatever the case, hopefully this outsiders opinions can help you clear up that issue, if not, then good luck fixing it.

--
"I found my wife dead... murdered, with a note "RAWRAGHEEAWAAHGH!" It became dreadfully obvious that the zombies I had killed in Sarlic had found their way back to my reality, learned the art of ninjitsu and wanted revenge."
-Zerimar's journal