Whoo Becca, meaty indeed, and still worth the time it takes to read it
I have witnessed these grammar evils you speak of
Honestly though I found there were more "mistakes" (and by mistakes, I mean places that bugged me or sounded awkward, they weren't necessarily technically mistakes) in the beginning, the "blandish buildup" than further on. The biggest one for me is reusing a word too closely in the sentence or when it's unnecessary, ie:
My head had looked down at the snow as I had walked; and but that would only occur when death would finally strike.
Despite these things I enjoyed it alright they weren't such a big deal at all.
Congratulations on finishing it, too, if you began it so long ago!

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"Come my friends, 'tis not too late to seek a newer world." -- Tennyson

An interesting read, and one that once I had started, had to finish.

I did notice one slight spelling error in the fifth paragraph from the bottom - you've got "house at the fare end of the village."

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"She said that Mr Colenso had "handled the truffles inappropriately" ([link])

I almost always write with a male main character... for the most part in the first person, too. I have no idea why, except perhaps habit.

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I'll look at those sentences when I revsie this. Are there many grammar evils?

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Ah yes, found it! Thank you for pointing it out

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Administrator and founder of *Writers-Workshop
Head of Literature on =DailyDeviants
Feature hunter on *WordCount

Debate the fantasy forum!

(Sometimes I write too!)

I wander if its a subconcious disattachment from us to the character. Placing the character as male when we're female may be a way of ensuring people dont think its based on us?! I could be talking crap here!

What did you think of the actual story?

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Administrator and founder of *Writers-Workshop
Head of Literature on =DailyDeviants
Feature hunter on *WordCount

Debate the fantasy forum!

(Sometimes I write too!)

Oh gosh, I'm such an awful commenter sometimes...

The actual story was interesting. Kind of creepy. I kind of like the way the character kind of gets less and less likable as it goes on. It's much more common for an author to start a character out seeming really twisted and then make us feel more and more sympathy for them. But in yours, it was kind of headed that way for a while and then it went off course.

--
When life gives you lemons, write about it.
~~
Is there a deviation in your or a friend's gallery that you have reason to believe I'll like? Tell me!
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I am a proud staff member of *WordCount. Check it out!

Also, your theory makes some sense. I have from time to time been concerned that someone might think a female character is based on myself, so... yeah, it could be that I end up picking a male lead for that reason. Interesting.

--
When life gives you lemons, write about it.
~~
Is there a deviation in your or a friend's gallery that you have reason to believe I'll like? Tell me!
~~
I am a proud staff member of *WordCount. Check it out!

I am glad I chose to look at some of my deviations that had been building up as I enjoyed reading this muchly

I don't know why, but when you spoke of the little girl playing with dolls that represented the dead, that really stuck with me. It was a lovely, haunting image.

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