this is pretty good. the only problem i see is there is some inconsistencies with what tense you are using. also, some of the words that are supposed to be the same are spelled differently here and there. otherwise, i don't have any other complaints.

=drskytower

Nov 28, 2007, 3:43:07 PM

Very well written!

--
Lazarus 1-0-5 is alive... for now! [link]

Reed my storeeeys! Woot! [link] [link]

~victortky

Nov 28, 2007, 6:02:45 PM

oh, inconsistencies. Mind to point them out? I will improve on them immediately. And which words are spelt differently?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

THE F.S.O.F. TEAMS ARE ON STANDBY FOR ANY SITUATION IN THE REPUBLIC.

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~victortky

Nov 28, 2007, 6:11:17 PM Mood: Joy

Thank you. Is there any problem with it? Or is there any things you need me to add in?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

THE F.S.O.F. TEAMS ARE ON STANDBY FOR ANY SITUATION IN THE REPUBLIC.

INFILTRATION PHASE INITIATED...

Please visit me: [link]

~Little-yuyu

Nov 29, 2007, 4:52:33 AM

i'd have to re-read it. can you send the story to my email? i can correct it there. one of the words you spelled two different ways was Kyros (you also spelled it Cyros). but if you go to my user page, my email address is there and if you send me the story, i can proofread it and send it back to you. also, is it supposed to be in the past tense or present tense?

~victortky

Nov 29, 2007, 4:55:35 AM Mood: Joy

Thanks for the feedback. I will rewrite it and change the words. Kyros system, not cryos system.

It is also in the past tense.

How was the story?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

THE F.S.O.F. TEAMS ARE ON STANDBY FOR ANY SITUATION IN THE REPUBLIC.

INFILTRATION PHASE INITIATED...

Please visit me: [link]

*Tammara

Nov 29, 2007, 10:30:42 AM

I really enjoyed reading this.

--
~Strangers are just friends waiting to happen~

~Little-yuyu

Nov 29, 2007, 12:07:18 PM

i thought it was okay. it was well written besides the flaws.

~victortky

Nov 29, 2007, 7:05:15 PM Mood: Joy

Thank you. What do you like about it?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

THE F.S.O.F. TEAMS ARE ON STANDBY FOR ANY SITUATION IN THE REPUBLIC.

INFILTRATION PHASE INITIATED...

Please visit me: [link]

~victortky

Nov 29, 2007, 7:14:48 PM Mood: Joy

Thank you. Any comments about the story or anything you would like to point out?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

THE F.S.O.F. TEAMS ARE ON STANDBY FOR ANY SITUATION IN THE REPUBLIC.

INFILTRATION PHASE INITIATED...

Please visit me: [link]

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