this is pretty good. the only problem i see is there is some inconsistencies with what tense you are using. also, some of the words that are supposed to be the same are spelled differently here and there. otherwise, i don't have any other complaints.
i'd have to re-read it. can you send the story to my email? i can correct it there. one of the words you spelled two different ways was Kyros (you also spelled it Cyros). but if you go to my user page, my email address is there and if you send me the story, i can proofread it and send it back to you. also, is it supposed to be in the past tense or present tense?
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Devious Comments
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Lazarus 1-0-5 is alive... for now! [link]
Reed my storeeeys! Woot! [link] [link]
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"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth
"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer
My Base of Operations: [link]
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"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth
"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer
My Base of Operations: [link]
It is also in the past tense.
How was the story?
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"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth
"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer
My Base of Operations: [link]
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~Strangers are just friends waiting to happen~
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"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth
"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer
My Base of Operations: [link]
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"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth
"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer
My Base of Operations: [link]
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