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All Deviations
All Deviations
~victortky:iconvictortky: Nov 29, 2007, 7:05:15 PM
Thank you. What do you like about it?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer

My Base of Operations: [link]

Devious Comments

~Little-yuyu:iconLittle-yuyu: Nov 28, 2007, 11:25:48 AM
this is pretty good. the only problem i see is there is some inconsistencies with what tense you are using. also, some of the words that are supposed to be the same are spelled differently here and there. otherwise, i don't have any other complaints. :D
=drskytower:icondrskytower: Nov 28, 2007, 3:43:07 PM
Very well written!

--
Lazarus 1-0-5 is alive... for now! [link]

Reed my storeeeys! Woot! [link] [link]
~victortky:iconvictortky: Nov 28, 2007, 6:02:45 PM
oh, inconsistencies. Mind to point them out? I will improve on them immediately. And which words are spelt differently?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer

My Base of Operations: [link]
~victortky:iconvictortky: Nov 28, 2007, 6:11:17 PM Mood: Joy
Thank you. Is there any problem with it? Or is there any things you need me to add in?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer

My Base of Operations: [link]
~Little-yuyu:iconLittle-yuyu: Nov 29, 2007, 4:52:33 AM
i'd have to re-read it. can you send the story to my email? i can correct it there. one of the words you spelled two different ways was Kyros (you also spelled it Cyros). but if you go to my user page, my email address is there and if you send me the story, i can proofread it and send it back to you. also, is it supposed to be in the past tense or present tense?
~victortky:iconvictortky: Nov 29, 2007, 4:55:35 AM Mood: Joy
Thanks for the feedback. I will rewrite it and change the words. Kyros system, not cryos system.

It is also in the past tense.

How was the story?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer

My Base of Operations: [link]
*Tammara:iconTammara: Nov 29, 2007, 10:30:42 AM
I really enjoyed reading this.

--
~Strangers are just friends waiting to happen~
~Little-yuyu:iconLittle-yuyu: Nov 29, 2007, 12:07:18 PM
i thought it was okay. it was well written besides the flaws.
~victortky:iconvictortky: Nov 29, 2007, 7:05:15 PM Mood: Joy
Thank you. What do you like about it?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer

My Base of Operations: [link]
~victortky:iconvictortky: Nov 29, 2007, 7:14:48 PM Mood: Joy
Thank you. Any comments about the story or anything you would like to point out?

--
"Freedom is the right of Humanity"- Master Commander Comwealth

"An artist's artwork is the evolution of his or her imagination" - The Writer

My Base of Operations: [link]