Comment on Ullieni Saga - Preview by ~TehFeeesh[top] [parent]

As usual, all your stories are great!

And I didn't even have to pay you to say it this time

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I'll read it tomorrow. Sleepy time now.

It seems nicely written by just glancing. Which reminds me I have to write too, haven't written anything in ages.

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The Shadow Knows.

My Love - [link]

I love it! "I haven't read it, but it looks good" XD

Writing is only fun when you don't feel like you have to do it. Don't push it, just do it when it feels right :3

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Isn't that what friends are for?




>.>
<.<

...we're even now.

:3

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Great beginning. Isn't it great to finally get the first writings of a long-planned story down on paper?

I really liked the shifting point of views between the two main characters mirrored each other and the undercurrents of class-related roles they portrayed. And both of those characters are so well-written! From reading a lot of stuff online, character is usually where people fall apart, but from this I'd say your best strengths is character. Both characters seem very down-to-Earth and developed. The interaction was realistic as well. Little quirks like the skill with the pole give good depth to the characters.

For grammar, the only thing I'd say would be the sudden appearance of a personal pronoun in the fourth paragraph. It could be part of an internal thought, but it just jumped out as a little odd, imho.

And as for critique... it's best to grab the reader in the first paragraph with something really engaging (I've been told). Some authors prefer to open a story with speech. There's a lot of information to convey in the first segment of your story before you can have the conversation of the two characters and maybe a small segment before that like the Ilkander monologing to the Ulleni for a while would be a good vehicle for information at the start.

But although you did have a lot of information, you did write it with atmosphere and with good impressions. Little details like the shellfish being scraped off the walls gives depth to the setting, but details about the mechanics of the tide can sometimes be overlooked or put in as a conversational additive if it doesn't effect the plot. It's easy to get into the mechanics of things, but you can loose the flow of the story if you go too deep into those things.

And that's all the wisdom I've got, though most of it is probably cr@p overall, I thought the first installment is great and the plot is very interesting! I want to see what happens when the Ulleni walks around



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llama is a llama is a llama.

Hmmm, food for thought! Maybe revise so that information about the tide comes in at some point when a wave washes up over the bank and into the pen?

And yeah, the opening is staid and boring. Need to find a way to spice it up but was having mind fart on the whole thing. Got ideas flowing again now! Good Llama :3

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:D baaa!

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llama is a llama is a llama.