I like this, how you got into her head, it's really like a little girl.

I'm sorry, but I can't provide any critisism, 'cause I can't really find anything. So I'm sending an encouraging comment instead.

Keep it up, and thanks for sharing!

--
My Muse is a fickle creature

thank you

--
Your playing small does not serve the world.

Find info on my books here: [link]

Oooookaaaaaaay! I'm really sorry that I didn't have a chance to get to this piece sooner. I suppose 'better late than never' applies, but still... my apologies.

I like how you went into first person for this assignment; third person could have worked, but I don't think it would have worked as well. You did a very good job of "getting inside her head", to quote from your comments on the piece. --Out of pure curiosity, did you have any other guidelines or rules for this, apart from just "get inside her head"?

Here are the things that stood out to me:

In the first two sentences--Daddy said that moving is fun.

--
Sanity is the graveyard of creativity.

(Meh. Hit "send" accidentally, sorry) ... In those first two sentences --Daddy said that moving is fun. I don't think it's fun.-- it jumps a bit too quickly. I'd like to hear a little more of what Daddy said/thinks, and why Jaiyna disagrees.

The part with her sister is very poignant, but at the last few sentences, it felt like Jaiyna was just reciting facts, rather than missing her older sibling. I think you'll want to flesh those last sentences in that paragraph out a little bit more.

Third paragraph--poor girl! I can totally sympathize with her, having moved half a zillion times myself. However, make sure that you don't just tell facts from her point of view; right now, she seems like she's just telling about herself to an interviewer, and the effect is that while I can sympathize and understand where she's coming from, I don't know her.

Last sentence = perfect touch.

A note here regarding your grammar and composition style: right now, it's a bit too abrupt and pointed. I think I know what effect you were going for by using mostly shorter, more simple sentences, but it's very jerky and hard to read. The beginning especially is definitely on the choppy side.

Overall--I like it. I have one last question, though, unrelated to the critique: how do you say 'Jaiyna'? I love that name, but I'm not sure how to pronounce it.

--
Sanity is the graveyard of creativity.

thank you for all of that.

It's pronounced: Jay-na

--
To become a skillful writer is our goal!