Comment on Characters inside my head by ~KiraBree

Yay, you wrote one!

Definately covered the characters well. You have quite the interesting line up! And very interesting ideas in the works... I should definately let you know that Boots has been claimed romantically since the beginning, despite the fact that it isn't so in-game yet, but I'd be very interested to see what sort of character you thought for an apprentice. :3 (If you want to hash it out with me, just drop a PM).

And me thinks Prisma's been stamped, so she can stop being ghostly now.

And I like the ending, with the story you're working on becoming the story we read.

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"No guilt in life. No fear in death. This is the power of Christ in me." - In Christ Alone, Stuart Townend

I'm glad you liked it. So Prisma's stamped? Yay! Miracles never cease. I'm a little bummed about Boots, but I guess that's to be expected. He's so cute with the glasses and all.... <sigh>

Yeah, the ending was a small lightning bolt that hit me right at the end. I had no idea how to wrap up the story, so ... it kind of wrapped itself up. This is the only story I've ever written that seemed to have as much a mind of it's own as my characters. Who would of thought. Any suggestions for furture writing?

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You learn something new every day!

DevilKitten1 Rocks! Her art as my avitar. ~devilkitten1

My first club, YAY! *Unique-Equines

Yea, several of my characters are pre-claimed, so if you're ever wondering if someone's open, just ask. It's hard to tell in-game, since many of those relationships are very slow building.

As for suggestions for writing, well, I won't do any kind of formal critique of this, since I didn't get the feeling it was meant to be a formal piece, but maybe work on the diction you use when you describe characters. A lot of words and ideas are repeated, and while they have similarites, a broader vocabulary might make break up the repetition a bit. And at times you do the exact same thing I do--begin dwelling on descriptions. I love to describe stuff, but it sometimes will bog a reader down.

But, I mean, you know--just keep writing!! You have a knack for it, and developing it just requires working it and shaping it and using it. The more the merrier, right? If you ever do want a more in depth critique of anything, I'd be willing to do what I can, though I am by no means and expert.

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"No guilt in life. No fear in death. This is the power of Christ in me." - In Christ Alone, Stuart Townend

Did I use to much description? I also do have a braud vocabluary, but some times the words aren't in the spell check dictionary. I am such a terrible speller. Which words do I use a lot? I'll work on those.

I normally reread and edit a story numerous times before it's finished. I only did it once with this one because I was impatient... and all the people I sent it to couldn't give me any helpful ideas on how to make it better. I'll have to write a short story, and have you critique that. This was kind of more like a little blurb.

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You learn something new every day!

DevilKitten1 Rocks! Her art as my avitar. ~devilkitten1

My first club, YAY! *Unique-Equines

How much description you use really becomes a personal taste and style, but it might benefit from being broken up a bit more. Each character is intimately described when they appear on the scene in a paragraph, and it becomes a large chuck of visual information for the reader to organize mentally. It's a technique that works sometimes, but not all the time, that sort of thing. Just something to think about.

I'm certain you have a broad vocabulary--I didn't mean to suggest that. And it wasn't a crippling problem in this story, just an observation. Words like "sensual" and related words are very common in this piece. Your girls almost all fit these words very well, but again just something to think about--maybe playing more with showing sensuality in movement and personality than actually giving the word (you do that in several places in this story, like with Shadow, so I know it's a technique you can do. ^_^).

And mine like this was just a blurb, too. More just for catharthis writing than real formal writing. Those kinds of things are good to write, too.

I am a terrible speller myself. I use spell check and the dictionary all the time.

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"No guilt in life. No fear in death. This is the power of Christ in me." - In Christ Alone, Stuart Townend

Ok, thanks for the advice! Yeah, I have a real problem with info over load. I want them to KNOW IT ALL NOW... when letting them get to know it slower can be better. I love mysteries, but I am soo impatient. Must work on my control! This story wanted to be written so bad, that not much control in my descriptions. Laurlelle K. Hamilton describes a lot too. She is my favorite author. But yes... will definatly work on this.

Using actions instead of actual words. Yes, have to work on that one too. Shadow is just the most obvious... Well, I need a story idea. Not sure what to write.. any ideas? Want a story about any specific character?

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You learn something new every day!

DevilKitten1 Rocks! Her art as my avitar. ~devilkitten1

My first club, YAY! *Unique-Equines

Sure, any story! I am terrible at coming up with actual plots. That's why most of my writing is little glimpses of events and not real stories. Write whatever you feel, I suppose. :3 Maybe just one small event that doesn't have a real beginning or end, just encapulates something.

You could always read some short stories to get an idea, since reading is one of the best excercises for writing. Sandra Cisneros writes excellent very short stories. Poe is one of my favorites. O'Henry writes usually cute little short stories with twists at the end. D.H. Laurence writes some very unsettling, physical short stories. Hawthorn wrote short stories...I don't like them much, but he's a classic. XD Browse around DA for short stories. Might help get the juices flowing to check out other short stories. ^_^

Just start writing anything, and you can edit it and craft it in later drafts.

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"No guilt in life. No fear in death. This is the power of Christ in me." - In Christ Alone, Stuart Townend