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Comment on the dreamer by ~breakthatfall[parent]

Devious Comments

=livingcomforteagle:iconlivingcomforteagle: Mar 11, 2008, 1:48:06 PM
i am not a fan of the first section. it assumes too much familiarity with the reader whereas the rest of the piece sounds more memoir-ish. ..also, it should be "somersaults."

..i love it, though, kira, really.

--
blame it on the web, but the spider's your problem now.
language is the liquid that we're all dissolved in;
great for solving problems after it creates a problem.
-modest mouse

"Tell the little boy in his mother's dress that God hates him."
~lotuskid:iconlotuskid: Mar 11, 2008, 2:16:41 PM
I have to be honest, you're much better at prose than poetry... I especially liked the part the began I want to grow up to be a scientist. It had this snowball effect to it that was cool to read. plus the idealogical undertones were delicious as well...

--

atman seed in golem me.

And for the sake of defiance
I’ve accepted being defied - Kirby Phalen
~breakthatfall:iconbreakthatfall: Mar 11, 2008, 4:04:28 PM
Man, that English language and their crazy spellings... ><"

and thanks :)
~breakthatfall:iconbreakthatfall: Mar 11, 2008, 4:05:37 PM
:heart: thanks for the feedback
~LittleXBlackXFlower:iconLittleXBlackXFlower: Mar 12, 2008, 9:05:49 AM
I want you to have everything, too.

--
"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."

-Mother Teresa
~LittleXBlackXFlower:iconLittleXBlackXFlower: Mar 15, 2008, 11:41:57 AM
You're important to me. I hope you know that.

--
"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."

-Mother Teresa
~LittleXBlackXFlower:iconLittleXBlackXFlower: Mar 15, 2008, 3:23:13 PM
As much as I can love a person without being romantically attracted to them, I love you too :heart:

--
"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."

-Mother Teresa
*GaioumonBatou:iconGaioumonBatou: Mar 28, 2008, 12:31:59 AM
Congrats on the DD. :)

I am intrigued by this, and I thought I'd check with you first, would you like a critique for this?

--
< PinkyMcCoversong > lololololololol :lmoffle:

=DailyDeviants Literature Head
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