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Comment on The Third Wife by *lenden[top] [parent]

*lenden:iconlenden: Mar 15, 2008, 5:15:29 PM
*nodnod* Well, yeah, but you really pointed out a good bit there, with her not seeming upset at all. I just need to make that a little more clear. ^.^ 'Cause that's how it's supposed to be, but I skimmed over her reactions and only dealt with her thought process.

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*nods sagely*

Devious Comments

=violentsamurai:iconviolentsamurai: Mar 15, 2008, 7:19:24 AM
Excellent writing...

I don't believe she was tied to a post though... Unless she's used to it because it happens a lot, or she's led a life of servitude... She didn't get excited or angry when she woke up that way, she was in quiet contemplation on the leader... Most people are thinking & screaming... "STOP FREAKIN' POKING ME WITH THAT ARROW!"

That's my "advanced critique".

HOWEVER... I do think it's very well done, and i'll look forward to reading the story in its entirety!

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ZEN the Violent Samurai :meditate:
Thanks to *Vynnx for my new subscription!
*lenden:iconlenden: Mar 15, 2008, 1:47:38 PM
Ah, that's actually a very good critique...
Alright, when I open it up again I'll take that into consideration. Thanks! ^^

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*nods sagely*
=violentsamurai:iconviolentsamurai: Mar 15, 2008, 2:27:29 PM
You're welcome. Don't take what I say as gospel though. There's lots of different ways or styles to write. And i'm only critiquing based on what I see. It could be those details are provided early or later in the story, which would make this piece seem perfect just as it is.

--
ZEN the Violent Samurai :meditate:
Thanks to *Vynnx for my new subscription!
*lenden:iconlenden: Mar 15, 2008, 5:15:29 PM
*nodnod* Well, yeah, but you really pointed out a good bit there, with her not seeming upset at all. I just need to make that a little more clear. ^.^ 'Cause that's how it's supposed to be, but I skimmed over her reactions and only dealt with her thought process.

--
*nods sagely*
=violentsamurai:iconviolentsamurai: Mar 15, 2008, 5:19:00 PM
sweet. I will look forward to reading your revision! :D

--
ZEN the Violent Samurai :meditate:
Thanks to *Vynnx for my new subscription!
*lenden:iconlenden: Mar 15, 2008, 8:22:37 PM
^^ *blush* ^^
Thanks. Well, I'll get started on that, then, sooner than I originally planned. :D
I didn't think anyone would be reading it so soon. ^^

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*nods sagely*
=violentsamurai:iconviolentsamurai: Mar 16, 2008, 12:13:10 AM
When I watch someone, I like to stay on top, and really look at and absorb the piece, regardless of what type of art, including writing. :D

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ZEN the Violent Samurai :meditate:
Thanks to *Vynnx for my new subscription!
~ArynChris:iconArynChris: Mar 16, 2008, 9:00:11 AM
I will say this... if you want advanced critique, I'll give it. Just be very sure you want it.

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Funny--> [link]

I'm better than an artist. I'm a paying customer. :D
~ArynChris:iconArynChris: Mar 16, 2008, 9:00:44 AM
And that in no way means I don't like it, I promise.

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Funny--> [link]

I'm better than an artist. I'm a paying customer. :D
*lenden:iconlenden: Mar 17, 2008, 1:45:28 PM
I really do want critique, when I ask, I mean it. I want this to be good. Don't worry, I won't get offended or anything. ^-^

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*nods sagely*
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