Comment on Wingfall Part Deux by ~SodapopBlues[top] [parent]

hmm didn't think I would be reading both chapters.. but they look promising!
Only pointer I have is in the beginning of the first chapter you saythe last 3 years had been the same with maddie being strapped in and all, however maddie is only 2? so that is kinda weird.. otherwise, well done!

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Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
-Oscar Wilde

Ack! Haha I totally didn't notice that, thanks! And I'm glad you liked it.

np, I realise it can be hard to get people to start reading! Especially in a place where so many write! -it is simply easier to look at a piece of art because you can look as long as you want,.. reading takes time I'm as guilty as most! You drew me in though!
keep it up!

--
Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
-Oscar Wilde

Nitpicks first:

"It took a moment before his pupils were able to adjust enough for him to see in the light, and zealously began to look around the first moment he got."
His pupils looked around the first moment he got? Maybe change the wording a bit?

"One of the hooded figures seemed to glance in Aiden’s direction, then took a terrible, slow step toward him in unison." - That's missing a "they". One figure alone can hardly take a step in unison.

I was a bit disappointed about the timejump, but I'll be keeping an eye out to see where the story will head next.

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Brand new club: ~traditionalmedia

Sorry for the lack of reply--life exploded on me. :-P Anyways, thanks a bunch for your nitpicks. Seriously, I always miss those little details for some reason, I need to be more careful when editing I guess. :-P

I agree with you about the time jump, I definitely need to figure out a way to make the transition between Chapt. 1 and 2 more smooth. Any suggestions?

Sorry, I got busy, too, and I have no suggestion

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Brand new club: ~traditionalmedia