you've started off with something that could mean anything, which sends me thinking of what it could be about, and then and then the second stanza!
and You soldered our memories Into a frangible faux fiction And I, the poet? Found an apathetic knack, Of seldom writing back.
with the boldness in some parts and questions it's got a personal meaning that while I'm not completely sure I've understood, there's enough imaginative text here for me to create my own meaning.
Thank you, I believe beautiful things stem from beautiful people I guess. Writing about someone you love (when it's not of the unrequited kind) yields pretty words.
I always end up reading your poems over and over. Instinctively, I think, "I like it!" but I want to provide a better comment than that.
The rhyme at the end is nicely done, deft and precise. Congrats on that.
Blah blah blah perfect imagery blah blah blah perfect word choice etc etc etc.
I'm trying to think of some kind of improvement. I see two things, and neither is terribly strong. First off, the content of the poem, that is, the story behind it, seems thinly expressed. I can't think of any way to strengthen, so that's not much help.
The other thing is that it might be too unaccessible by less educated readers. However, I cringe at writing that. That's not an issue, it's motivation for people to think more.
Good job.
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Daily Literature Deviations is a group that is dedicated to bringing literature to the forefront of the deviantArt community. We attempt to accomplish this by daily featuring Literature artists from around the community that deserve the recognition, but are not getting it. Each day we will feature 5 deviations from the Literature categories in a News Article.
In order to support the artists that we feature, we ask that you the news article as well as check out the individual pieces. We understand that each day you may not be able to check out each and every one of the pieces, everyone has their own things going on. We just ask that you make an attempt to help support the growing Literature community.
Daily Literature Deviations is a group that is dedicated to bringing literature to the forefront of the deviantArt community. We attempt to accomplish this by daily featuring Literature artists from around the community that deserve the recognition, but are not getting it.
Each day we will feature 5 deviations from the Literature categories in a News Article. In order to support the artists that we feature, we ask that you the news article as well as check out the individual pieces. We understand that each day you may not be able to check out each and every one of the pieces, everyone has their own things going on. We just ask that you make an attempt to help support the growing Literature community.
This is YOUR opportunity to mock, ridicule and generally take great delight and amusement whilst poking fun at the beloved Volunteers and Staff of deviantART.
^Ikue has been a devious member of our community for almost 7 years and in this time he has proven to be nothing short of dedicated and devoted. Whilst volunteering his time over the last 22 months as a Gallery Moderator within the Community Relations Team, Chris has brought the Vector gallery and many vector artists directly into the spotlight. ^Ikue's commitment to the community is evident in everything he touches and you can always find him reaching out to others with an encouraging word. Chris is a natural leader with a vibrant and empathic personality, and is a role model for deviants everywhere. It's ev... Read More
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the sun does rise