I found a cute little laser pen on a bus the other day and one of the buttons flashed a blue beam instead of red.
ZOMGZ WHAT HAVE I STUMBLED INTO
ZOMGZ WHAT HAVE I STUMBLED INTO
Mister Lazardo, i believe you and i need to have a talk...
Oh no! You realize by putting that online you have put yourself in danger. Government Illuminati will be at your door any minute...
This calls for bullet-dodges, car chases, exotically Gothic locales, a shitpile of mystery solving, and a guest appearance by 
guy.
guy.