Comment on Evil is Good? by NickKartha
Holy fucking jumping shitballs.
I can kind of understand the purity shit, since the whole of humanity glorified virginity since the dawn of time. But shunning her, blaming her? What the fucking fuck. I know Muslim countries are horrible in that sense that they lash and/or stone their women for being raped, but I thought India has progressed from that a bit more.
And the whole "unfit for marriage" bit just pissed me off personally. As if a "woman's purpose" is to be a wife and bear children. Then people wonder why I reject Indians as suitors...when the majority of them think they're complementing me by saying You're gonna be a good wife some day.
I can kind of understand the purity shit, since the whole of humanity glorified virginity since the dawn of time. But shunning her, blaming her? What the fucking fuck. I know Muslim countries are horrible in that sense that they lash and/or stone their women for being raped, but I thought India has progressed from that a bit more.
And the whole "unfit for marriage" bit just pissed me off personally. As if a "woman's purpose" is to be a wife and bear children. Then people wonder why I reject Indians as suitors...when the majority of them think they're complementing me by saying You're gonna be a good wife some day.
I've never understood why virginity is prized so much.
Usually if you're a woman who's a virgin past the age of your early 20s, it means either you're ultra-religious (and so not going to be much fun) or nobody wants to fuck you (which means you're basically a total hideous freak, as you have to have something really wrong with you to overcome the big attraction advantage of being a woman).
Usually if you're a woman who's a virgin past the age of your early 20s, it means either you're ultra-religious (and so not going to be much fun) or nobody wants to fuck you (which means you're basically a total hideous freak, as you have to have something really wrong with you to overcome the big attraction advantage of being a woman).
I've read that women are more likely to be fertile the first time. Also, if the woman was a virgin, the man is more assured that the children are his own.
You read a myth. A woman's fertility is based on her menstrual cycle and internal factors, not on how many times she's done it.
The theory that a woman losing her virginity is more likely to not have arranged reliable birth control for the act than an already sexually active woman, is a more likely explanation for any bias towards women getting pregnant from their first time. (If there is any such bias; I honestly don't know.)
And, if a woman is so ugly/undesirable that she can't get laid, why would you want her to bear your children?
The theory that a woman losing her virginity is more likely to not have arranged reliable birth control for the act than an already sexually active woman, is a more likely explanation for any bias towards women getting pregnant from their first time. (If there is any such bias; I honestly don't know.)
And, if a woman is so ugly/undesirable that she can't get laid, why would you want her to bear your children?
I know, it's so silly. Like having a dick in you is such a big deal and totally the business of other.
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21. Partly because I was raised in a religious environment and because I'm very picky with my men.
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21. Partly because I was raised in a religious environment and because I'm very picky with my men.
I fall under the "freak who's always friendzoned" category. At this point I'm pretty sure that I'm never going to find a guy interested in me, and if I do, he'll instantly dump me the second he finds out I'm a virgin, because he's going to wonder what the fuck is wrong with me that a woman my age who's agnostic never got laid.
You have some self esteem issues you should work on. Mainly, your confidence.
How else am I supposed to react to nobody ever asking me out, and almost everyone I ask out telling me they "think of me as a sister/friend"?
My ex-boyfriend only dated me because he'd just broken up with his girlfriend, and dumped me to go back out to her when she made up with him. And my ex-girlfriend dumped me because, essentially, she got bored with me.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to have any self-esteem from that.
And if you found out someone you were dating was in their 30s, wasn't religious, and wasn't just overly picky/asexual/not interested, yet was still a virgin, what would you conclude? Especially if they're a woman, in a society in which even the feminists act like any woman with even a slight amount of attractiveness can get laid any time she wants and gets lots of male attention?
Like I said, not sure how I'm supposed to have a lot of self-esteem here.
My ex-boyfriend only dated me because he'd just broken up with his girlfriend, and dumped me to go back out to her when she made up with him. And my ex-girlfriend dumped me because, essentially, she got bored with me.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to have any self-esteem from that.
And if you found out someone you were dating was in their 30s, wasn't religious, and wasn't just overly picky/asexual/not interested, yet was still a virgin, what would you conclude? Especially if they're a woman, in a society in which even the feminists act like any woman with even a slight amount of attractiveness can get laid any time she wants and gets lots of male attention?
Like I said, not sure how I'm supposed to have a lot of self-esteem here.
I would conclude you are socially awkward. Seriously, looks may be a big factor in the dating world, but don't tell me you've never seen ugly-ass fat fucks having a boyfriend/girlfriend before. To some people looks mean from little to fuck all. Your problem probably lies in your personality. This was my problem for as long as I could remember and I just kept thinking the reason I'm getting "friendzoned" was because I wasn't pretty/feminine enough. Would you believe I only got my first (and current) boyfriend less than a year ago at age 23?
Another thing that often happens is that guys are scared of pretty women. They either think they're inaccessible or already have boyfriends. I haven't seen any of your photos, but I can assume that you may well be very attractive, it's just your closed-ness that repels. People will treat you the way you treat yourself. Humans have this interesting way of weeding out the weak/shy and acting towards them exactly how they hold themselves in public. And confident people garner the attention of other confident and fun people. At least that is my personal experience.
Have you tried dating websites? There are free ones out there, you can enter your personal interests, answer questions and shit and then the website will match people that you share interests with. That's exactly how I got together with my man. I wanted to find someone, but was just too shy to approach people in public places. Since we've been together I've built up a lot more confidence. I can be myself around him and other people as well.
Seriously, looks may be a big factor in the dating world, but don't tell me you've never seen ugly-ass fat fucks having a boyfriend/girlfriend before. To some people looks mean from little to fuck all. Your problem probably lies in your personality. This was my problem for as long as I could remember and I just kept thinking the reason I'm getting "friendzoned" was because I wasn't pretty/feminine enough. Would you believe I only got my first (and current) boyfriend less than a year ago at age 23?Another thing that often happens is that guys are scared of pretty women. They either think they're inaccessible or already have boyfriends. I haven't seen any of your photos, but I can assume that you may well be very attractive, it's just your closed-ness that repels. People will treat you the way you treat yourself. Humans have this interesting way of weeding out the weak/shy and acting towards them exactly how they hold themselves in public. And confident people garner the attention of other confident and fun people. At least that is my personal experience.
Have you tried dating websites? There are free ones out there, you can enter your personal interests, answer questions and shit and then the website will match people that you share interests with. That's exactly how I got together with my man. I wanted to find someone, but was just too shy to approach people in public places. Since we've been together I've built up a lot more confidence. I can be myself around him and other people as well.
"but don't tell me you've never seen ugly-ass fat fucks having a boyfriend/girlfriend before."
I have... which typically just makes me feel even more like a freak.
"Your problem probably lies in your personality."
I have zero problems getting guys to be friends with me, though; I have had plenty of guys over my lifetime who enjoyed being around me as pals, even close pals. Heck, I actually get along better with men than I do women, overall (which is why I tend to be more attracted to men than I am women despite finding both about equally physically appealing).
"I haven't seen any of your photos, but I can assume that you may well be very attractive, it's just your closed-ness that repels."
I don't think that's the problem. I don't turn heads and very rarely get any catcalls or similar attention, at least, especially compared to how often other women say they experience it. And the times I dressed sexy/flatteringly were more likely to invoke jokes along the lines of "what happened to the rest of your clothes" than appreciation. Or they simply outright don't notice.
Doesn't help that I'm adorable/kittenish-looking, so people never take me seriously even in non-romantic contexts. (If I can't be hot, why can't I at least be scary and intimidating-looking instead? I could live with no chance of a date if I didn't get walked on by everyone too. Sigh.)
"And confident people garner the attention of other confident and fun people."
I like shy guys, though. X3 Confident people intimidate me much of the time. Especially since my idea of "fun" is stuff like sitting at home watching movies or going to museums, rather than stuff like drinking or partying.
"Have you tried dating websites?"
I have, but my life situation right now is sucky enough that I don't think anyone who doesn't already like me would be willing to put up with it. (Hell, even my ex-girlfriend wasn't willing to.) I certainly couldn't "compete".
"I wanted to find someone, but was just too shy to approach people in public places."
I'm not too shy to approach men I find attractive... they just almost always turn down my interest.
I have... which typically just makes me feel even more like a freak.
"Your problem probably lies in your personality."
I have zero problems getting guys to be friends with me, though; I have had plenty of guys over my lifetime who enjoyed being around me as pals, even close pals. Heck, I actually get along better with men than I do women, overall (which is why I tend to be more attracted to men than I am women despite finding both about equally physically appealing).
"I haven't seen any of your photos, but I can assume that you may well be very attractive, it's just your closed-ness that repels."
I don't think that's the problem. I don't turn heads and very rarely get any catcalls or similar attention, at least, especially compared to how often other women say they experience it. And the times I dressed sexy/flatteringly were more likely to invoke jokes along the lines of "what happened to the rest of your clothes" than appreciation. Or they simply outright don't notice.
Doesn't help that I'm adorable/kittenish-looking, so people never take me seriously even in non-romantic contexts. (If I can't be hot, why can't I at least be scary and intimidating-looking instead? I could live with no chance of a date if I didn't get walked on by everyone too. Sigh.)
"And confident people garner the attention of other confident and fun people."
I like shy guys, though. X3 Confident people intimidate me much of the time. Especially since my idea of "fun" is stuff like sitting at home watching movies or going to museums, rather than stuff like drinking or partying.
"Have you tried dating websites?"
I have, but my life situation right now is sucky enough that I don't think anyone who doesn't already like me would be willing to put up with it. (Hell, even my ex-girlfriend wasn't willing to.) I certainly couldn't "compete".
"I wanted to find someone, but was just too shy to approach people in public places."
I'm not too shy to approach men I find attractive... they just almost always turn down my interest.
View all replies
In India there are still arranged marriages, though certain areas have a modern version for it so the 2 meet and talk for literally half h before then they let their parents know whether it's a yes or no. And they can pick among what suitors their parents pick. Because family is that involved, it's actually deemed shameful towards the whole family to be associated with the event, so even her family would want to convince her to keep it secret.
So by unfit for marriage I meant a lot of traditional families wouldn't accept her even if she wanted it.
So by unfit for marriage I meant a lot of traditional families wouldn't accept her even if she wanted it.
I know about arranged marriages (which is bull in my opinion), but seriously. How is it shameful to be violated? How is it the victim's fault. It is the rapist that should be shunned, hated, lashed and killed as far as I'm concerned. I need to stop thinking about backwards countries' traditions and laws, it really pisses me off and New Year is only a few hours away.
It's disturbing yes. 