Comment on Insouciancee's profile
My my my,
This is a rather pleasant surprise to find you having visited my rather dilapidated and hauntless profile.
I kinda expected my profile to be covered in cobwebs by now but it would seem even spiders have better options available to them.
When I was at TDSF with the psychopaths I used to envisage myself as the girl in red in the Backstreet Boys video Everybody.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7eosw…
She appears for the first time at 1:12 minutes and intermittently throughout the clip thereafter. She has the most sensual sultry look when she switches it on. But, even though I have an equally evocative sultry look when I switch it on, I more identified with her being aloof from everyone else and from all the weird happenings going on in the video as that tends to be me most of the time.
Of course, without the experience with the psychopaths prior to coming here I would never have found here so funny with the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots. That really was the last hurrah for me as I've never encountered anything remotely like it on the Internet since. Not that I participate much at all these days on the Internet except for the odd post I may make at G+ when I feel in the mood. But even that is getting less and less these days as that site is almost as dull as things got here after the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots departed the scene.
I hope everything is well with you, Mojo.
Please pass on my love to everyone at the Shoutbox and tell them for me that after having given the matter much considered thought these past two and half years I've come to the conclusion it wasn't me - it was them.
This is a rather pleasant surprise to find you having visited my rather dilapidated and hauntless profile.
I kinda expected my profile to be covered in cobwebs by now but it would seem even spiders have better options available to them.
When I was at TDSF with the psychopaths I used to envisage myself as the girl in red in the Backstreet Boys video Everybody.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7eosw…
She appears for the first time at 1:12 minutes and intermittently throughout the clip thereafter. She has the most sensual sultry look when she switches it on. But, even though I have an equally evocative sultry look when I switch it on, I more identified with her being aloof from everyone else and from all the weird happenings going on in the video as that tends to be me most of the time.
Of course, without the experience with the psychopaths prior to coming here I would never have found here so funny with the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots. That really was the last hurrah for me as I've never encountered anything remotely like it on the Internet since. Not that I participate much at all these days on the Internet except for the odd post I may make at G+ when I feel in the mood. But even that is getting less and less these days as that site is almost as dull as things got here after the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots departed the scene.
I hope everything is well with you, Mojo.
Please pass on my love to everyone at the Shoutbox and tell them for me that after having given the matter much considered thought these past two and half years I've come to the conclusion it wasn't me - it was them.
I was thinking of you, and had not heard from nor seen you about... so I dropped by your flat here. The spiders seem to have left, and I'm not much afraid of dust... so I draw a heart in the dust on the window for you to find. I knew you'd know it was from me.
I remember you telling me relating to the girl in the Everybody video. I can see it... perhaps not finding yourself in a room with cheesy pop stars dressed as monsters... but I get the scenario. Hell is breaking loose, meanwhile you are displaying your insouciance(see what I did there?)
I've not heard from that lot in quite some time. That, is the nature of this site though. Very few remain for extremely long periods of time.
All is quite well, Penny. I wish the very same for you.
I'll be sure to pass that on.
much love, see you soon...
I remember you telling me relating to the girl in the Everybody video. I can see it... perhaps not finding yourself in a room with cheesy pop stars dressed as monsters... but I get the scenario. Hell is breaking loose, meanwhile you are displaying your insouciance(see what I did there?)
I've not heard from that lot in quite some time. That, is the nature of this site though. Very few remain for extremely long periods of time.
All is quite well, Penny. I wish the very same for you.
I'll be sure to pass that on. much love, see you soon...
Oh, you've got me in a reflective mood now.
I think some of that has to do with where we left off in our private communications earlier this year as I remember I was going to tell you about my fountain story.
It was only after mentioning it to you did I realise how extremely complex it would be for me to tie all the threads together as to why that particular story had any relevance to you and me. I'm not going to mention it here now.
I was sure I had mentioned the Backstreet Boys video clip of Everybody to you along with the Victoria's Secret video of Akon singing his song Angel depicting Flavia as those two clips in combination gave the most accurate reflection of me as a person, so I tended to mention them a lot back then. And, not simply for the reason they both depict pretty women. As I mentioned in my previous post it was the aloofness of the woman in the Everybody clip for which I identified and in the Flavia clip it was the harmonious synergy between feminine physiology and psychology for which I identified insofar as a daily dedicated aspiration of mine. And though the combined symbolism of both these clips makes perfect sense to me, it usually doesn't for the person for whom I am in conversation.
I practice everything: I even practice how best to cover my boobs with one arm on the off chance someone catches me topless. More than that, I wear haute couture - exclusively designed - little black dresses as off-the-shelf little black dresses invariably are so horrendous in their design let alone for my figure. I'm just not this way when it comes to fashion - physiology - I am this way when it comes to my interactions with people - psychology. Of course, the pursuit of perfection in these two exclusive domains requires a mass allocation of my time for which invariably is a solitary endeavour.
As I've mentioned to you, my engagement with the psychopaths at TDSF was mostly due to me suffering debilitating health issues during 2011 for which took all of that year and most of 2012 for me to fully recover. Initially, though, I thought I had discovered something exceptional at TDSF beyond anything a text based message board type forum could ever inspire - much like when I stumbled upon naked-in-the-rain profile here in January 2013. Both her profile and Flames chatroom at TDSF shared similar traits in that they were just so vibrantly colourful and dynamic.
I had thought things were over with the psychopaths in October 2012 after a culminating event that saw everyone go their own separate ways. That's what brought me here to DeviantArt in November as I really am a calender girl insofar as leaving it to the New Year to take on new challenges. And, as I've mentioned to you, I never had any animosity towards the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots. It was just that I didn't want to be engaged in that type of exchange in 2013 as I wanted to broaden my horizons in pursuing different interests the following year, which is just my standard philosophy come every year. That's the only reason I got him suspended as that was the only way I could guarantee this thing with him would not be revisited in 2013.
More than anything else it was this end of year philosophy of mine that brought you and I to grief as I still vividly remember my consternations of mind at the time as I had been saying to you privately for weeks I am living on borrowed time with your friends in the Shoutbox. And, knowing how I like to do my spring cleaning in summer - Australian seasons - and of the fact the Shoutbox had been your home away from home for many years whereas it was only ever going to be a kinda brief ocean cruise fling for me - so to speak, I remember having not the slightest compunction in farewelling the Shoutbox for this specific reason, and yet, I also remember my reservations about farewelling the Shoutbox with there still being six weeks of the year remaining. It was these two competing interests that caused me my consternations, which was a real pity as I had really enjoyed my time with you as I still think you are the best exponent of the online communication art I have ever encountered. Needless to say, these are really unusual dynamics for me to encounter insofar as being torn between saying farewell to someone or something and just leaving without so much as a second thought about my decision and being hesitant to say farewell even though I know it is the right thing to do. Ironically, it is only something I have ever experienced with real life boyfriends.
Of course, this in only a smattering of what I could write on the subject as you need to remember I got one of the psychopaths at TDSF to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun after having telephoned the Seattle Police he feared he was about to be raided by a FAT CHICK SQUAD from OREGON. naked-in-the-rain is a perfect example of getting so much right but not having the acuteness of mind or knowledge of the subtle nuances of sultry feminine perception. That's what intrigued me about her in the beginning as it looked like she did have that allusive acuteness of mind in conjunction with a knowledge of the subtle nuances of sultry feminine perception.
I only mean to emphasis by mentioning her of how genuinely enthralled I can get - and did get - by new and wondrous encounters I experience - even on the Internet - as was the case when I joined the Shoutbox. I tend to value the sensation of the experience more than I do any misgivings I may later have regarding any person or persons. It really is the only way you can do it when you spend most of your time in an adversarial environment where the only thing that matters is you've screwed over the other person more than they've screwed over you - or something like that.
I think some of that has to do with where we left off in our private communications earlier this year as I remember I was going to tell you about my fountain story.
It was only after mentioning it to you did I realise how extremely complex it would be for me to tie all the threads together as to why that particular story had any relevance to you and me. I'm not going to mention it here now.
I was sure I had mentioned the Backstreet Boys video clip of Everybody to you along with the Victoria's Secret video of Akon singing his song Angel depicting Flavia as those two clips in combination gave the most accurate reflection of me as a person, so I tended to mention them a lot back then. And, not simply for the reason they both depict pretty women. As I mentioned in my previous post it was the aloofness of the woman in the Everybody clip for which I identified and in the Flavia clip it was the harmonious synergy between feminine physiology and psychology for which I identified insofar as a daily dedicated aspiration of mine. And though the combined symbolism of both these clips makes perfect sense to me, it usually doesn't for the person for whom I am in conversation.
I practice everything: I even practice how best to cover my boobs with one arm on the off chance someone catches me topless. More than that, I wear haute couture - exclusively designed - little black dresses as off-the-shelf little black dresses invariably are so horrendous in their design let alone for my figure. I'm just not this way when it comes to fashion - physiology - I am this way when it comes to my interactions with people - psychology. Of course, the pursuit of perfection in these two exclusive domains requires a mass allocation of my time for which invariably is a solitary endeavour.
As I've mentioned to you, my engagement with the psychopaths at TDSF was mostly due to me suffering debilitating health issues during 2011 for which took all of that year and most of 2012 for me to fully recover. Initially, though, I thought I had discovered something exceptional at TDSF beyond anything a text based message board type forum could ever inspire - much like when I stumbled upon naked-in-the-rain profile here in January 2013. Both her profile and Flames chatroom at TDSF shared similar traits in that they were just so vibrantly colourful and dynamic.
I had thought things were over with the psychopaths in October 2012 after a culminating event that saw everyone go their own separate ways. That's what brought me here to DeviantArt in November as I really am a calender girl insofar as leaving it to the New Year to take on new challenges. And, as I've mentioned to you, I never had any animosity towards the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots. It was just that I didn't want to be engaged in that type of exchange in 2013 as I wanted to broaden my horizons in pursuing different interests the following year, which is just my standard philosophy come every year. That's the only reason I got him suspended as that was the only way I could guarantee this thing with him would not be revisited in 2013.
More than anything else it was this end of year philosophy of mine that brought you and I to grief as I still vividly remember my consternations of mind at the time as I had been saying to you privately for weeks I am living on borrowed time with your friends in the Shoutbox. And, knowing how I like to do my spring cleaning in summer - Australian seasons - and of the fact the Shoutbox had been your home away from home for many years whereas it was only ever going to be a kinda brief ocean cruise fling for me - so to speak, I remember having not the slightest compunction in farewelling the Shoutbox for this specific reason, and yet, I also remember my reservations about farewelling the Shoutbox with there still being six weeks of the year remaining. It was these two competing interests that caused me my consternations, which was a real pity as I had really enjoyed my time with you as I still think you are the best exponent of the online communication art I have ever encountered. Needless to say, these are really unusual dynamics for me to encounter insofar as being torn between saying farewell to someone or something and just leaving without so much as a second thought about my decision and being hesitant to say farewell even though I know it is the right thing to do. Ironically, it is only something I have ever experienced with real life boyfriends.
Of course, this in only a smattering of what I could write on the subject as you need to remember I got one of the psychopaths at TDSF to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun after having telephoned the Seattle Police he feared he was about to be raided by a FAT CHICK SQUAD from OREGON. naked-in-the-rain is a perfect example of getting so much right but not having the acuteness of mind or knowledge of the subtle nuances of sultry feminine perception. That's what intrigued me about her in the beginning as it looked like she did have that allusive acuteness of mind in conjunction with a knowledge of the subtle nuances of sultry feminine perception.
I only mean to emphasis by mentioning her of how genuinely enthralled I can get - and did get - by new and wondrous encounters I experience - even on the Internet - as was the case when I joined the Shoutbox. I tend to value the sensation of the experience more than I do any misgivings I may later have regarding any person or persons. It really is the only way you can do it when you spend most of your time in an adversarial environment where the only thing that matters is you've screwed over the other person more than they've screwed over you - or something like that.
Yes! The fountain story. Waiting to hear that maybe via notes when you have time.
Funny you should mention the one armed breast coverup. I was raised when I was young by my mother and her mother. I picked up female mannerisms I have yet to shake. I don't remember ever seeing my mom cover up that way, nor my grandmother... yet I do it anyway...still. Despite having no breasts.
I do quite a number of other things, that generally are seen as female mannerisms.
I think that lot started off in the right place. Trying to combat bullying and such. It's just that the internet is a big place, and full of "trolls" Their heart was in the right place initially. It just came to pass that they got a bit ambitious, and got all Red Scare on us... "a troll in every bush," so to speak.
I knew the shoutbox and you would not be a long term thing. I was happy jusy to spend time with you via note. I also was fairly certain we'd have a falling out, as we did. To be perfectly honest, I was also fairly certain we'd get back together, so to speak. If I said it did not sadden me, I'd be lying... but I knew it was to be to inevitable at some point. At that time, it was the right thing for both of us.
I'd love to ramble on forever, but I have had a full day, and I am a bit exhausted. Shall we continue this later?
Funny you should mention the one armed breast coverup. I was raised when I was young by my mother and her mother. I picked up female mannerisms I have yet to shake. I don't remember ever seeing my mom cover up that way, nor my grandmother... yet I do it anyway...still. Despite having no breasts.
I do quite a number of other things, that generally are seen as female mannerisms.I think that lot started off in the right place. Trying to combat bullying and such. It's just that the internet is a big place, and full of "trolls" Their heart was in the right place initially. It just came to pass that they got a bit ambitious, and got all Red Scare on us... "a troll in every bush," so to speak.
I knew the shoutbox and you would not be a long term thing. I was happy jusy to spend time with you via note. I also was fairly certain we'd have a falling out, as we did. To be perfectly honest, I was also fairly certain we'd get back together, so to speak. If I said it did not sadden me, I'd be lying... but I knew it was to be to inevitable at some point. At that time, it was the right thing for both of us.
I'd love to ramble on forever, but I have had a full day, and I am a bit exhausted. Shall we continue this later?
I find it somewhat discouraging my dA profile has received almost as many views in the same amount of time since my declaration of absence on January 1st 2014 as I received when I was an active participant on this godforsaken dull site.
And that's inclusive of the hundreds - upwards of a thousand on some days - daily views I used to get when engaged in my battle of wits with the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots.
Lucky for me I possess indefatigable confidence in myself otherwise I could be inclined to think someone is trying to tell me they like me better when I am not around.
I honestly can't imagine what would possess anyone to think something like that about me.
I am required for occupational reasons to maintain androgynous standards of logic in my daily professional interactions with people so that anything I may say is comprehensible to both men and women alike, however, in private life I reserve the right to employ feminine standards of logic which by definition excludes comprehension by men and with a bit of fine tuning by me is also rendered incomprehensible to most women except for a select type of woman namely me.
I don't think though even if I were to maintain androgynous standards of logic could I write a comprehensible and cohesive summation that definitively explained my participations on the Internet these past four years as even I view them as being estranged.
In fact, I just view everything as being much like Alice's adventures in Alice in Wonderland.
The real me though is a lot more like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz insofar as being motivated by the single objective of just wanting to go home.
That last statement is not feminine logic; that's just me being deliberately cryptic.
It really wouldn't have mattered how I behaved or what I had said to anyone in the Shoutbox as I frequently encounter those exact same dynamics in real life where even if I were to try to make pleasant small talk about the most trivial of things I invariably always hear back on the gossip vine some catty distortion of what it is I had said which invariably is something along the lines of how shallow am I as a person to be 'bitching' about the most inconsequential trivial of things when I look like me da da da...
I learned long ago I can never win with some people so I don't even try.
And though all of that was in the back of my mind when engaged in the Shoutbox it was of minor influence as my dynamics were being driven by a whole other force.
And though the differences may only be subtle, it is enough of a difference for it to constitute non-reality.
I actually found Felissauria quite amusing as she has that caustic single emoticon post of hers down to a tee.
That's essentially my whole life dedication insofar as constantly refining everything privately so I am required to do less and less publicly.
And, I did say some rather unkind things about BeautifullyChaotic towards the end, which understandably motivated the Three Amigos to come to her defence.
Additionally, I don't think I'd be all that welcoming in my mannerisms if some floozy suddenly appeared on the scene from out of nowhere and immediately became the preoccupation in the coolest guy of the group.
The funniest part about the whole thing was I didn't even know there was a Shoutbox.
I had just been banned from GayBiWorlds after a week for being too sexy for which amused me no ends after which I scrolled up the chatroom page and saw that little outside portal to the Shoutbox, so I decided to make some lame comment and to my surprise I got an immediate response back from that young girl who lives in Denmark or the Netherlands or wherever she lives to which I made some other lame but amusing comment as I was still on a high from having been banned for being too sexy by simply mentioning to some guy who told me he was ill that I would love to care but I am wearing a little white nurses outfit which would probably only increase his temperature.
After a few exchanges she invited me inside which completely confused me as I didn't even know there was an inside.
That's how it all innocently began.
For the first two weeks or so I was much like Julia Roberts character in the movie Notting Hill when she goes to dinner with Hugh Grant and just sits there delighted by everything going on around her.
I only mention all this in purpose of shining a spotlight on how nuanced things tend to be at the heart of good relations with people - even on the Internet - which without only leads to heartache and grief.
I've already related to you privately how I became a phenomenon when I was nineteen in 2001 on this particular site before the advent of social media which would forever turn me off socially engaging on the Internet as I had become so overwhelmed by all these people wanting to correspond with me in addition to wanting to be best friends forever.
I literally lost six months of my life sorting that mess out as it turned into such a nightmare.
Needless to say, that's the reason why it is I have always danced around this appearance thing of mine even resorting to showing a downgraded picture of myself to a few people here.
So, let me provide you with an anchor by which to try and comprehend this ramble of mine which ironically is the exact same anchor I first ever used at TDSF in April 2011 with some guy who was being friendly towards me. This occurred before the psychopaths became active so I only ever used it the one time as it really is the closest fit to me that exists.
As you may note having now seen that picture of me, I look very similar to Catherine McCormack in this scene here from the movie Braveheart:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU-imA…
I obviously appreciate this scene for other reasons than just a lookalike me as I am sure you are aware she dies in the movie for which Mel Gibson's character William Wallace avenges her death in a war of nations.
I mean, a girl can't ask for anymore devotion than that from a guy.
That connection is really significant in conjunction with what I've written above regarding how nuanced things tend to be at the heart of good relations with people.
You may have noticed the username Wufpacker appearing on my profile quite regularly.
I met him in August 2013 on a naked-in-the-rain deviation I had left a caustic comment on about some ghastly looking hybrid rose she had used in the picture.
He and I - not without difficulties - have stayed in contact on and off since then.
I'm not going to go into his and mine story but recently he experienced a family tragedy in which I had been empathetically supportive until such time a communicative nuance issue arose for which I didn't much appreciate and so called it quits with him.
Hopefully, that is the last horrible thing I ever have to do on the Internet in relation to any past acquaintances I may have established.
In real life everyone who wants to know me has to traverse the gauntlet of jurisprudence.
Very rarely am I ever caught in an emotional bind with someone as more times than not it's their perceptions of the world around them for which there is a good chance I don't agree that curtails any considerations of friendship let alone anything amorous.
He and I never discussed anything of that sort - and of the few times we did there was disagreement.
That, in and of itself is a distortion of reality which is all fine and good in casual acquaintance and general chitchat on the Internet.
My re-engagement with the Internet was purely inadvertent which essentially stemmed from me wanting to leave positive personal feedback on the Jon Stewart website as a means of saying thank you to one of his correspondents - Aasif Mandvi - who appears on the show for having made me laugh when no one else could during a time of family tragedy.
I had registered the account in November 2010 but never authenticated the email until March 2011 as I had changed my mind about the whole thing in the meantime.
When I did authenticate the account the link I clicked in the email took me back to the site so I decided to take a look at some of the various chatrooms on offer by just randomly clicking links.
You could wrist tie me and force me to straddle a Spanish Horse naked with heavy weights strapped to my ankles and still not get me to participate on a text based message board forum.
The very last link I clicked before intending to click off the site for good was a link to the Flames chatroom, which instantly did grab my attentions as it was just so vibrantly colourful as well as proved to be quite witty and clever with further investigations.
In reality however it was more like an abandoned theme park that had tumble weed rolling all over the place as I quickly came to learn.
That's where it should have ended and would have ended if I hadn't injured my knee in a freakish accident a week later attending a function which completely immobilised me for two weeks, in addition to taking months to heal even though I had suffered no visible injury.
Even when I did farewell that godforsaken forum in the last week of April 2011 - after having successfully achieved the most popular girls thread in the history of that miserable forum - in the posting of two Victoria's Secret videos of which Akon singing his song Angel with Flavia was one, I fell inexplicably violently ill in the first week of May which had me bedridden for a week and would take me over a year from which to recover.
I discovered DeviantArt in October 2011 via Google searching for images of Succubi as the psychopath I got to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun often referred to me as being an Evil Succubus. But, as I am sure you are aware, you can't view mature content unless you are a member so I had to join here just so I could view some images that I was forbidden from viewing as a non-member. I viewed the images I had been forbidden from viewing and then left and never came back until November the following year, which I only did to leave a scathing comment on the same psychopath I got to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun dA profile.
In April 2012 an awkward truce was established between myself and the main adversarial psychopath after he apologised to me for the thousand and one false accusations he had made of me.
For me, the truce was like doing a private striptease for my grandfather it felt that awkward - not that I've ever done that.
So, in October 2012 just before I came here, I hatched a plot to cause a rift between this psychopath and another psychopath who was his best buddy pal.
That truly was evil of me but it got me out of that goddamn awkward truce.
That actually broke the cohesion between the psychopaths which had them all disband until March 2013 when they started to reunite again.
Of course, it wouldn't be a proper reunion without me so I would occasionally visit in purpose of bringing joy and happiness to their lives as I am good at that as I am sure you are aware.
But for some odd reason I wasn't welcomed as all they had to say was horrible things about me - not that they ever said anything nice about me - along with threats concerning my career.
Whereas relations had never been good between myself and the psychopaths; they were now toxic.
Of course, none of that bothered me in the slightest as everything had become so estranged.
If I had hoped to have found more peaceful meadows to graze after my escapades with the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots in 2013 I was sadly mistaken.
That's why as early as May 2013 I was of the mind this thing was not going to repeat in 2014.
I was sure I could get the psychopaths blogs deleted as I knew the site administrator had a crush on me.
I mean, I could have easily have written to him and asked him sweetly to delete the blogs for which he no doubt would have agreed but I wanted the psychopaths to be the instrument of their own demise.
And so, on December 13th - two weeks before Christmas - the blogs were deleted.
My plan worked perfectly.
Of course, the saga didn't end there because I immediately joined another message board forum that had been started by former TDSF members and for which I had been reluctant to join before then just so I could gloat about tricking the psychopaths into getting their own blogs deleted, as I knew they kept close watch on the activities at that forum.
However, two weeks after joining that forum the psychopaths retaliated by an SQL attack on the forum deleting the entire forum, which had been in existence since 2007.
Just how horrible do you think I felt after I realised I had caused the deletion of an entire forum?
Not to be deterred, I decided to set up shop at G+ and gloat there as Google had given me an account early in 2013 which I had never utilised because of my Youtube account, which I had had for years.
Of course, I've mentioned nothing about being banned from the Shoutbox that night.
That was funny as I had been sitting here topless applying moisturiser to my skin whilst typing with my two little fingers.
I had refreshed the page just before returning the moisturiser to the bathroom only to get back to the computer to read I had two minutes to leave the Shoutbox or I would be banned.
I had been away for about thirty minutes by then.
I wrote a scathing note to spyed about all that as I had been his only ally in the face of vitriolic abuse that night.
Needless to say, I didn't mention anything about being topless at the time.
I could probably own DeviantArt by now if I had.
That was a mistake of mine.
As expected, the main adversarial psychopath did briefly visit my G+ profile in April 2014.
That was the last I heard from any of them directly even though I know they all keep a watchful eye on my online activities.
My latest trick in real life is to throw mobile telephones into fish tanks or a bowl of soup or ice bucket - whatever is handy at the time.
Of course, had you been Wufpacker you would know that's really quite tame of me as I shared with him some of my more elaborate countermeasures I've used in the past against agenda orientated men.
I don't want to make the same mistake as I made with him.
My mistake with him was to engage when I had already decided and had already set things in motion to disengage from the Internet.
I possess that rare beguiling combination of having a vivacious spirit whilst outwardly my appearance, character traits and mannerisms leads people to falsely assume I am a very impressionable young woman.
Consequently, I attract a lot of attention from the wrong type of people especially if I frequent the wrong places, which is why I appear to be as so adept as I am at psychological countermeasures.
I obviously am very selective where I go and with whom for these reasons, which often has me prefer to just stay home.
My fountain story is a story of betrayal when I was nineteen.
When you became best buddy pals with the MajorIdiot after blocking me I used the memory of that occasion to replicate a level of outrage at my unchivalrous treatment by you.
I was still of that attitude when I popped into the Shoutbox at Christmas time last year.
It was only when I popped back before New Year when you happened to be there and we got chatting even though initially I was still maintaining my feigned outrage at my unchivalrous treatment by you did I become aware you were actually being quite friendly towards me which had me do an immediate complete flip informing you to forget about all that as it was so long ago.
I am well aware this is an epic post and so if you've made it this far without pouring petrol all over yourself and self-immolating yourself you've obviously used the last of the petrol you had around the home on the lawn mower as I couldn't imagine there being another reason for choosing a less painful way out.
I have really fond memories of our time together.
And, as I've previously stated, you are the best exponent of the online communication arts I have ever encountered.
You most definitely would have attracted similar admiring quizzical looks from me like Catherine McCormack makes of Mel Gibson in that scene had it been you and I sitting opposite each other.
Especially back then when considering the type of male company I had been keeping with the psychopaths.
I now no longer possess the enthusiasm to communicate on the Internet in any regular kind of way.
Not that I ever really did.
And that's inclusive of the hundreds - upwards of a thousand on some days - daily views I used to get when engaged in my battle of wits with the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots.
Lucky for me I possess indefatigable confidence in myself otherwise I could be inclined to think someone is trying to tell me they like me better when I am not around.
I honestly can't imagine what would possess anyone to think something like that about me.
I am required for occupational reasons to maintain androgynous standards of logic in my daily professional interactions with people so that anything I may say is comprehensible to both men and women alike, however, in private life I reserve the right to employ feminine standards of logic which by definition excludes comprehension by men and with a bit of fine tuning by me is also rendered incomprehensible to most women except for a select type of woman namely me.
I don't think though even if I were to maintain androgynous standards of logic could I write a comprehensible and cohesive summation that definitively explained my participations on the Internet these past four years as even I view them as being estranged.
In fact, I just view everything as being much like Alice's adventures in Alice in Wonderland.
The real me though is a lot more like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz insofar as being motivated by the single objective of just wanting to go home.
That last statement is not feminine logic; that's just me being deliberately cryptic.
It really wouldn't have mattered how I behaved or what I had said to anyone in the Shoutbox as I frequently encounter those exact same dynamics in real life where even if I were to try to make pleasant small talk about the most trivial of things I invariably always hear back on the gossip vine some catty distortion of what it is I had said which invariably is something along the lines of how shallow am I as a person to be 'bitching' about the most inconsequential trivial of things when I look like me da da da...
I learned long ago I can never win with some people so I don't even try.
And though all of that was in the back of my mind when engaged in the Shoutbox it was of minor influence as my dynamics were being driven by a whole other force.
And though the differences may only be subtle, it is enough of a difference for it to constitute non-reality.
I actually found Felissauria quite amusing as she has that caustic single emoticon post of hers down to a tee.
That's essentially my whole life dedication insofar as constantly refining everything privately so I am required to do less and less publicly.
And, I did say some rather unkind things about BeautifullyChaotic towards the end, which understandably motivated the Three Amigos to come to her defence.
Additionally, I don't think I'd be all that welcoming in my mannerisms if some floozy suddenly appeared on the scene from out of nowhere and immediately became the preoccupation in the coolest guy of the group.
The funniest part about the whole thing was I didn't even know there was a Shoutbox.
I had just been banned from GayBiWorlds after a week for being too sexy for which amused me no ends after which I scrolled up the chatroom page and saw that little outside portal to the Shoutbox, so I decided to make some lame comment and to my surprise I got an immediate response back from that young girl who lives in Denmark or the Netherlands or wherever she lives to which I made some other lame but amusing comment as I was still on a high from having been banned for being too sexy by simply mentioning to some guy who told me he was ill that I would love to care but I am wearing a little white nurses outfit which would probably only increase his temperature.
After a few exchanges she invited me inside which completely confused me as I didn't even know there was an inside.
That's how it all innocently began.
For the first two weeks or so I was much like Julia Roberts character in the movie Notting Hill when she goes to dinner with Hugh Grant and just sits there delighted by everything going on around her.
I only mention all this in purpose of shining a spotlight on how nuanced things tend to be at the heart of good relations with people - even on the Internet - which without only leads to heartache and grief.
I've already related to you privately how I became a phenomenon when I was nineteen in 2001 on this particular site before the advent of social media which would forever turn me off socially engaging on the Internet as I had become so overwhelmed by all these people wanting to correspond with me in addition to wanting to be best friends forever.
I literally lost six months of my life sorting that mess out as it turned into such a nightmare.
Needless to say, that's the reason why it is I have always danced around this appearance thing of mine even resorting to showing a downgraded picture of myself to a few people here.
So, let me provide you with an anchor by which to try and comprehend this ramble of mine which ironically is the exact same anchor I first ever used at TDSF in April 2011 with some guy who was being friendly towards me. This occurred before the psychopaths became active so I only ever used it the one time as it really is the closest fit to me that exists.
As you may note having now seen that picture of me, I look very similar to Catherine McCormack in this scene here from the movie Braveheart:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU-imA…
I obviously appreciate this scene for other reasons than just a lookalike me as I am sure you are aware she dies in the movie for which Mel Gibson's character William Wallace avenges her death in a war of nations.
I mean, a girl can't ask for anymore devotion than that from a guy.
That connection is really significant in conjunction with what I've written above regarding how nuanced things tend to be at the heart of good relations with people.
You may have noticed the username Wufpacker appearing on my profile quite regularly.
I met him in August 2013 on a naked-in-the-rain deviation I had left a caustic comment on about some ghastly looking hybrid rose she had used in the picture.
He and I - not without difficulties - have stayed in contact on and off since then.
I'm not going to go into his and mine story but recently he experienced a family tragedy in which I had been empathetically supportive until such time a communicative nuance issue arose for which I didn't much appreciate and so called it quits with him.
Hopefully, that is the last horrible thing I ever have to do on the Internet in relation to any past acquaintances I may have established.
In real life everyone who wants to know me has to traverse the gauntlet of jurisprudence.
Very rarely am I ever caught in an emotional bind with someone as more times than not it's their perceptions of the world around them for which there is a good chance I don't agree that curtails any considerations of friendship let alone anything amorous.
He and I never discussed anything of that sort - and of the few times we did there was disagreement.
That, in and of itself is a distortion of reality which is all fine and good in casual acquaintance and general chitchat on the Internet.
My re-engagement with the Internet was purely inadvertent which essentially stemmed from me wanting to leave positive personal feedback on the Jon Stewart website as a means of saying thank you to one of his correspondents - Aasif Mandvi - who appears on the show for having made me laugh when no one else could during a time of family tragedy.
I had registered the account in November 2010 but never authenticated the email until March 2011 as I had changed my mind about the whole thing in the meantime.
When I did authenticate the account the link I clicked in the email took me back to the site so I decided to take a look at some of the various chatrooms on offer by just randomly clicking links.
You could wrist tie me and force me to straddle a Spanish Horse naked with heavy weights strapped to my ankles and still not get me to participate on a text based message board forum.
The very last link I clicked before intending to click off the site for good was a link to the Flames chatroom, which instantly did grab my attentions as it was just so vibrantly colourful as well as proved to be quite witty and clever with further investigations.
In reality however it was more like an abandoned theme park that had tumble weed rolling all over the place as I quickly came to learn.
That's where it should have ended and would have ended if I hadn't injured my knee in a freakish accident a week later attending a function which completely immobilised me for two weeks, in addition to taking months to heal even though I had suffered no visible injury.
Even when I did farewell that godforsaken forum in the last week of April 2011 - after having successfully achieved the most popular girls thread in the history of that miserable forum - in the posting of two Victoria's Secret videos of which Akon singing his song Angel with Flavia was one, I fell inexplicably violently ill in the first week of May which had me bedridden for a week and would take me over a year from which to recover.
I discovered DeviantArt in October 2011 via Google searching for images of Succubi as the psychopath I got to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun often referred to me as being an Evil Succubus. But, as I am sure you are aware, you can't view mature content unless you are a member so I had to join here just so I could view some images that I was forbidden from viewing as a non-member. I viewed the images I had been forbidden from viewing and then left and never came back until November the following year, which I only did to leave a scathing comment on the same psychopath I got to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun dA profile.
In April 2012 an awkward truce was established between myself and the main adversarial psychopath after he apologised to me for the thousand and one false accusations he had made of me.
For me, the truce was like doing a private striptease for my grandfather it felt that awkward - not that I've ever done that.
So, in October 2012 just before I came here, I hatched a plot to cause a rift between this psychopath and another psychopath who was his best buddy pal.
That truly was evil of me but it got me out of that goddamn awkward truce.
That actually broke the cohesion between the psychopaths which had them all disband until March 2013 when they started to reunite again.
Of course, it wouldn't be a proper reunion without me so I would occasionally visit in purpose of bringing joy and happiness to their lives as I am good at that as I am sure you are aware.
But for some odd reason I wasn't welcomed as all they had to say was horrible things about me - not that they ever said anything nice about me - along with threats concerning my career.
Whereas relations had never been good between myself and the psychopaths; they were now toxic.
Of course, none of that bothered me in the slightest as everything had become so estranged.
If I had hoped to have found more peaceful meadows to graze after my escapades with the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots in 2013 I was sadly mistaken.
That's why as early as May 2013 I was of the mind this thing was not going to repeat in 2014.
I was sure I could get the psychopaths blogs deleted as I knew the site administrator had a crush on me.
I mean, I could have easily have written to him and asked him sweetly to delete the blogs for which he no doubt would have agreed but I wanted the psychopaths to be the instrument of their own demise.
And so, on December 13th - two weeks before Christmas - the blogs were deleted.
My plan worked perfectly.
Of course, the saga didn't end there because I immediately joined another message board forum that had been started by former TDSF members and for which I had been reluctant to join before then just so I could gloat about tricking the psychopaths into getting their own blogs deleted, as I knew they kept close watch on the activities at that forum.
However, two weeks after joining that forum the psychopaths retaliated by an SQL attack on the forum deleting the entire forum, which had been in existence since 2007.
Just how horrible do you think I felt after I realised I had caused the deletion of an entire forum?
Not to be deterred, I decided to set up shop at G+ and gloat there as Google had given me an account early in 2013 which I had never utilised because of my Youtube account, which I had had for years.
Of course, I've mentioned nothing about being banned from the Shoutbox that night.
That was funny as I had been sitting here topless applying moisturiser to my skin whilst typing with my two little fingers.
I had refreshed the page just before returning the moisturiser to the bathroom only to get back to the computer to read I had two minutes to leave the Shoutbox or I would be banned.
I had been away for about thirty minutes by then.
I wrote a scathing note to spyed about all that as I had been his only ally in the face of vitriolic abuse that night.
Needless to say, I didn't mention anything about being topless at the time.
I could probably own DeviantArt by now if I had.
That was a mistake of mine.
As expected, the main adversarial psychopath did briefly visit my G+ profile in April 2014.
That was the last I heard from any of them directly even though I know they all keep a watchful eye on my online activities.
My latest trick in real life is to throw mobile telephones into fish tanks or a bowl of soup or ice bucket - whatever is handy at the time.
Of course, had you been Wufpacker you would know that's really quite tame of me as I shared with him some of my more elaborate countermeasures I've used in the past against agenda orientated men.
I don't want to make the same mistake as I made with him.
My mistake with him was to engage when I had already decided and had already set things in motion to disengage from the Internet.
I possess that rare beguiling combination of having a vivacious spirit whilst outwardly my appearance, character traits and mannerisms leads people to falsely assume I am a very impressionable young woman.
Consequently, I attract a lot of attention from the wrong type of people especially if I frequent the wrong places, which is why I appear to be as so adept as I am at psychological countermeasures.
I obviously am very selective where I go and with whom for these reasons, which often has me prefer to just stay home.
My fountain story is a story of betrayal when I was nineteen.
When you became best buddy pals with the MajorIdiot after blocking me I used the memory of that occasion to replicate a level of outrage at my unchivalrous treatment by you.
I was still of that attitude when I popped into the Shoutbox at Christmas time last year.
It was only when I popped back before New Year when you happened to be there and we got chatting even though initially I was still maintaining my feigned outrage at my unchivalrous treatment by you did I become aware you were actually being quite friendly towards me which had me do an immediate complete flip informing you to forget about all that as it was so long ago.
I am well aware this is an epic post and so if you've made it this far without pouring petrol all over yourself and self-immolating yourself you've obviously used the last of the petrol you had around the home on the lawn mower as I couldn't imagine there being another reason for choosing a less painful way out.
I have really fond memories of our time together.
And, as I've previously stated, you are the best exponent of the online communication arts I have ever encountered.
You most definitely would have attracted similar admiring quizzical looks from me like Catherine McCormack makes of Mel Gibson in that scene had it been you and I sitting opposite each other.
Especially back then when considering the type of male company I had been keeping with the psychopaths.
I now no longer possess the enthusiasm to communicate on the Internet in any regular kind of way.
Not that I ever really did.
You created quite an impact here, and made a lot of impressions. It is not surprising you still have many coming to check things out, and see if you are about. Most people have very little personal lives... they need to find things to fill the time.
It probably would not of mattered how you behaved in the box.
I totally agree. As I have told you before, it is the curse of the "women of Mojo" For some reason beyond my grasp, they just prove to be unpopular among the others. I don't know who that is a reflection on.
Befriending that lot was mostly a compromise on my side of things. Once we called a truce they were decent to me mostly, and it was one less thing for me to have to think about. Deviantart has always been my escape from reality, a place where I can leave real life stress and such behind. I had no need for any extra in my "break from the norm" place. They have basically lost interest in me, as of late. Or perhaps they have moved on, as so many of those who frequent are wont to do eventually.
I immediately missed you when we parted ways. I always enjoyed our time "alone" and the discussions we had. When I saw your comments in the box around Christmas, in my scrollback... I felt there was a reconciliation forth coming. I'd be lying if I said I was not looking forward to it. I had some resentment, for a few in the box in those times. Well one exactly. I righted that not long after though, and now I no longer speak to them. Myself and a few others made our opinions of this person known, and not long after that...they made themselves scarce.
Silly Penny, I made cocktails with all of the petrol, and paid the lad across the street to cut my lawn.
I too, have fond memories of our time together.
It probably would not of mattered how you behaved in the box.
I totally agree. As I have told you before, it is the curse of the "women of Mojo" For some reason beyond my grasp, they just prove to be unpopular among the others. I don't know who that is a reflection on.Befriending that lot was mostly a compromise on my side of things. Once we called a truce they were decent to me mostly, and it was one less thing for me to have to think about. Deviantart has always been my escape from reality, a place where I can leave real life stress and such behind. I had no need for any extra in my "break from the norm" place. They have basically lost interest in me, as of late. Or perhaps they have moved on, as so many of those who frequent are wont to do eventually.
I immediately missed you when we parted ways. I always enjoyed our time "alone" and the discussions we had. When I saw your comments in the box around Christmas, in my scrollback... I felt there was a reconciliation forth coming. I'd be lying if I said I was not looking forward to it. I had some resentment, for a few in the box in those times. Well one exactly. I righted that not long after though, and now I no longer speak to them. Myself and a few others made our opinions of this person known, and not long after that...they made themselves scarce.
Silly Penny, I made cocktails with all of the petrol, and paid the lad across the street to cut my lawn.I too, have fond memories of our time together.
Well, it certainly is not a story I expected to be telling when I first decided to participate at TDSF in March 2011.
Had I known in advance that's the story I'd be telling in the end I obviously would have refrained from participating.
That's despite there are only a handful of people in the world who could have gotten that psychopath - or any person - to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun using nothing but text alone in a public forum.
Undoubtedly, my best Stevie Nicks Rhiannon moment to date.
youtu.be/i2vB5F3UMxc?t=4m
I haven't quite figured out in my mind what everything is supposed to mean as not only had I suffered neurological damage when I fell ill in May 2011, I tend to live the lyrics 'Dreams unwind - love's a state of mind' as I am an extremely passionate woman when it comes to love.
I just get more practice with people who aren't pure of heart regarding their intentions towards me.
Fortunately for me, I work in a profession where everyone thinks he is a hotshot.
They get off really cheaply if all I do is ruin a $600 iPhone as some people are still paying off credit card bills from four or five years ago from some little rouse of mine I dreamt up.
But you need to forget about all that as my exploits are well known these days so I now get treated better than royalty, which has taken all the fun out of it for me.
This next bit is really important as it is central to everything to do with me.
I could probably tell you the most erotic sensual story about a morning I had here a day or so after I had farewelled the forum in April 2011, that is, if it didn't sound so superhero in some transforming force kinda thing.
It actually goes with this Victoria's Secret clip which was the other clip I posted in farewell to the forum along with the Flavia clip.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_irnG…
I had actually only chosen this clip because the guy I had befriended and who it was I was directing my farewell towards used to refer to TDSF as a fantasyland.
I had done an Audrey Hepburn Breakfast at Tiffany's farewell with a cab being in the scene as in the movie.
Of course, I'd have to give the whole story a bit of a gloss over insofar as me wearing some sexy little sheer chemise sleeping attire as I was just in my daggy extra large man's PJ top I always wear to bed.
That's actually how I got the most popular girls thread in the history of that miserable forum as I had subtly let it be known I was sitting here in a pair of white panties and an unbuttoned man's PJ top.
I had also subtly let it be known that rather than drip margarine onto my PJ top when eating crumpets or toast for breakfast in the morning I'd pull my PJ top to the sides so the margarine dripped onto my bare breasts.
That was something the psychopaths never forgave me for as they were of the opinion I had cheated in getting my views.
All I'd say in reply was "Yep, I did".
But that is not the cornball part of the story insofar as the superhero thing goes.
The cornball part of the story has to do with an unusual climatic anomaly that occurred in my area that autumn/winter which had my part of town experience a consistent 2°C higher temperature than the rest of the metropolitan area.
That morning was so sensual and serene that even though I had farewelled the forum a day or so ago I was pretending to be texting in my posts from the cab in the farewell scene.
So, I really do get - and always got - your desire to maintain a peaceful and harmonious ambiance in your online activities as I truly would be a happy and contented woman if all my mornings were like that beautiful surreal morning.
Of course, I wouldn't know about the climatic anomaly for some months afterwards even though I knew at the time it had nothing to do with anything biological despite my feeling extremely sensual.
Needless to say, in a truly erotic story I wouldn't fall violently ill a few days later which had me bedridden for a week although I am quite sure there are some guys who would totally get off observing a woman like me lying forlorn in bed.
This is actually information I never even shared with Wufpacker despite making my best efforts to impart some insight to him as to what it is actually like to know me and why it is I am one of the most desirable women in the world, or, at least, one of the most frustrating women to know in the world.
You are making references to events in November 2012 when I was still not 100% recovered.
I have no knowledge of the other "women of Mojo" but you'd be a fool of a woman not to know you are ostracising yourself amongst the female fraternity by engaging in the type of flirtatious conduct that I did with you.
As I remember things with BeautifullyChaotic she lived in Brisbane, so she was on the same time zone as me.
I can't quite remember how the whole thing went down now with her but she essentially accused me of being you.
I had made some off-the-cuff whimsical remark regarding something she had said which convinced her - I assume - this whole 'romance' thing between you and I was a set up/prank.
I mean, except for using the term troll in her accusation her part really was quite innocent - as far as I can remember now.
She is not a woman I would ever normally come to grief with as I vividly remember she posted a picture of a dress she liked that I wouldn't even use as a rag.
But women's fashion tends to solicit empathy from me for other women more so than hostility as I know if they ever declared open season on women's fashion designers I'd immediately start dating the most deranged psychotic killers on the planet as a quick death would be a travesty of justice for some of these women's fashion designers.
So that is completely out of character for me to deride another woman's choice in fashion so my reaction obviously had something to do with all the false accusations I had endured from the psychopaths for over a year.
I know you are being sincere about your regrets regarding that time as you and I engaged in a marathon exchange privately about everything, which if I were to reread now I'm sure I would be dismayed by my own attitudes.
But I had said as much to you indirectly in the first week of knowing you regarding your friend A-lad-insane insofar as I am sure he is being friendly in his comments on my profile but his humour is a little bit too dry for me at the moment to know what's what.
Of course, I had no such problems with the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots, as they were idiots.
As was the same with the psychopaths at TDSF.
As was the same with any of the nitwits in the Shoutbox who told me I wasn't welcomed for which there were quite a few.
I didn't need to be welcomed as it was public space.
I faintly remember you piping in and saying something absurd on this issue.
But I wasn't going to waste my time squabbling about it especially since I could probably get all of them convicted of murder by having the alleged murdered victim testify in court it was them that killed him/her.
I was still having difficulties interpreting people's subtle intentions towards me which is highly problematic in the type of interactions I generally engage.
That's the only reason I concerned myself with the issue that night when I heard the Shoutbox was to be no more as it really had ceased to be public space as demonstrated by that argument put to me, otherwise, I couldn't have cared less.
I was happy for you all when I heard spyed had decided to put the Shoutbox off site although I still have no idea what was gained by decommissioning the Shoutbox as I have never met duller people in my entire life than the people who frequent this godforsaken site, at least, the Shoutbox had a few people with interesting personalities none more so than Teni.
At the heart of all this for me is my time on that other site when I was nineteen.
In spite of the fact the whole thing turned into a goddamn nightmare I have such fond memories of my participations on that site.
They were such unusual dynamics insofar as I was the least worldly of our little group which consisted of both men and women and yet I was the phenomenon which only added to the air of pandemonium and chaos as it was such a hugely popular site back in 2001.
Of course, me having attended an all girl Catholic convent school until I was eighteen it came as a complete but delightful surprise my appearance in combination with my sassy wit would be so well received by so many people.
The thing I most remember though is the feeling of security and comfort I felt in the group.
Rarely have I ever felt so warm and cosy amongst people.
The fact it was an online experience still baffles me to this day.
When I joined TDSF all the psychopaths were convinced I was a Mod because I received preferential treatment from the Site Administrator and Mods from the very get go.
But that's the issue as I tend to receive that type of treatment everywhere I go, which is just more due to good fortune than anything else.
It is very easy for me when people are unfriendly towards me.
I don't guard against those types of people.
I guard against the people who pretend to be friendly towards me.
I wouldn't have cared less about the psychopaths had it not been for that sensually exotic morning that occurred a day or so after I had farewelled the forum.
At the time, I had no idea the most likely cause was an unusual high pressure system hovering overhead that somehow stayed put for three or four months.
But I had all of life's issues to deal with at the time, I still couldn't walk properly, I was now recovering from a severe illness for which I was only beginning to realise the toll it had taken on me and I had some fucking psychopath constantly spamming my thread.
I still remember the night I was just sitting here full of self-pity watching this idiot spam my thread yet again when the thought occurred to me I could really mess with this idiot's head.
I was a totally new woman on a mission after that as I was going to make this fucking idiot regret the day he ever met me.
Still to this day, of all the things people have said about me over the years the phrase I most cherish is how the Vietnam Vet at TDSF - the guy I had befriended and who I had directed that Victoria's Secret video towards - described my performance when getting that psychopath to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun, which was heretofore unseen venom.
That is a compliment coming from a guy who experienced the horrors of the Vietnam War.
Hopefully, in these two extended posts, I have been able to provide some insight for you as to what the whole thing was about with me.
I've got dear, dear Wufpacker whose only mistake was to send me a courtesy note to qualify his comment he had made in response to the comment I had made on naked-in-the-rain deviation now suffering with a phobia about responding to caustic witty comments by strange women on the Internet for the rest of his life.
I was already in the processes of sizing up the situation with the psychopaths at TDSF for what was going to be the grand finale of my time on the Internet and I just wanted to see what would be the reaction if I were to share this story of mine with someone who wasn't a certifiable deranged psychopath.
Some of these psychopaths were creative geniuses who prided themselves on their communication skills so I got the best of both world's insofar as witty dialogue without having to worry about any romantic complications so I was free to be myself, which is near on impossible on the Internet for a woman like me.
Even so, I would occasionally miss someone not taking an interest in me as a woman.
I would have wanted for nothing more than to have found some pink cloud online where I could stretch out naked with charming and witty company and for none of it to have mattered.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=F57P9C…
Alas, it was not to be.
Had I known in advance that's the story I'd be telling in the end I obviously would have refrained from participating.
That's despite there are only a handful of people in the world who could have gotten that psychopath - or any person - to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun using nothing but text alone in a public forum.
Undoubtedly, my best Stevie Nicks Rhiannon moment to date.
youtu.be/i2vB5F3UMxc?t=4m
I haven't quite figured out in my mind what everything is supposed to mean as not only had I suffered neurological damage when I fell ill in May 2011, I tend to live the lyrics 'Dreams unwind - love's a state of mind' as I am an extremely passionate woman when it comes to love.
I just get more practice with people who aren't pure of heart regarding their intentions towards me.
Fortunately for me, I work in a profession where everyone thinks he is a hotshot.
They get off really cheaply if all I do is ruin a $600 iPhone as some people are still paying off credit card bills from four or five years ago from some little rouse of mine I dreamt up.
But you need to forget about all that as my exploits are well known these days so I now get treated better than royalty, which has taken all the fun out of it for me.
This next bit is really important as it is central to everything to do with me.
I could probably tell you the most erotic sensual story about a morning I had here a day or so after I had farewelled the forum in April 2011, that is, if it didn't sound so superhero in some transforming force kinda thing.
It actually goes with this Victoria's Secret clip which was the other clip I posted in farewell to the forum along with the Flavia clip.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_irnG…
I had actually only chosen this clip because the guy I had befriended and who it was I was directing my farewell towards used to refer to TDSF as a fantasyland.
I had done an Audrey Hepburn Breakfast at Tiffany's farewell with a cab being in the scene as in the movie.
Of course, I'd have to give the whole story a bit of a gloss over insofar as me wearing some sexy little sheer chemise sleeping attire as I was just in my daggy extra large man's PJ top I always wear to bed.
That's actually how I got the most popular girls thread in the history of that miserable forum as I had subtly let it be known I was sitting here in a pair of white panties and an unbuttoned man's PJ top.
I had also subtly let it be known that rather than drip margarine onto my PJ top when eating crumpets or toast for breakfast in the morning I'd pull my PJ top to the sides so the margarine dripped onto my bare breasts.
That was something the psychopaths never forgave me for as they were of the opinion I had cheated in getting my views.
All I'd say in reply was "Yep, I did".
But that is not the cornball part of the story insofar as the superhero thing goes.
The cornball part of the story has to do with an unusual climatic anomaly that occurred in my area that autumn/winter which had my part of town experience a consistent 2°C higher temperature than the rest of the metropolitan area.
That morning was so sensual and serene that even though I had farewelled the forum a day or so ago I was pretending to be texting in my posts from the cab in the farewell scene.
So, I really do get - and always got - your desire to maintain a peaceful and harmonious ambiance in your online activities as I truly would be a happy and contented woman if all my mornings were like that beautiful surreal morning.
Of course, I wouldn't know about the climatic anomaly for some months afterwards even though I knew at the time it had nothing to do with anything biological despite my feeling extremely sensual.
Needless to say, in a truly erotic story I wouldn't fall violently ill a few days later which had me bedridden for a week although I am quite sure there are some guys who would totally get off observing a woman like me lying forlorn in bed.
This is actually information I never even shared with Wufpacker despite making my best efforts to impart some insight to him as to what it is actually like to know me and why it is I am one of the most desirable women in the world, or, at least, one of the most frustrating women to know in the world.
You are making references to events in November 2012 when I was still not 100% recovered.
I have no knowledge of the other "women of Mojo" but you'd be a fool of a woman not to know you are ostracising yourself amongst the female fraternity by engaging in the type of flirtatious conduct that I did with you.
As I remember things with BeautifullyChaotic she lived in Brisbane, so she was on the same time zone as me.
I can't quite remember how the whole thing went down now with her but she essentially accused me of being you.
I had made some off-the-cuff whimsical remark regarding something she had said which convinced her - I assume - this whole 'romance' thing between you and I was a set up/prank.
I mean, except for using the term troll in her accusation her part really was quite innocent - as far as I can remember now.
She is not a woman I would ever normally come to grief with as I vividly remember she posted a picture of a dress she liked that I wouldn't even use as a rag.
But women's fashion tends to solicit empathy from me for other women more so than hostility as I know if they ever declared open season on women's fashion designers I'd immediately start dating the most deranged psychotic killers on the planet as a quick death would be a travesty of justice for some of these women's fashion designers.
So that is completely out of character for me to deride another woman's choice in fashion so my reaction obviously had something to do with all the false accusations I had endured from the psychopaths for over a year.
I know you are being sincere about your regrets regarding that time as you and I engaged in a marathon exchange privately about everything, which if I were to reread now I'm sure I would be dismayed by my own attitudes.
But I had said as much to you indirectly in the first week of knowing you regarding your friend A-lad-insane insofar as I am sure he is being friendly in his comments on my profile but his humour is a little bit too dry for me at the moment to know what's what.
Of course, I had no such problems with the MajorIdiot and his Band of Merry Idiots, as they were idiots.
As was the same with the psychopaths at TDSF.
As was the same with any of the nitwits in the Shoutbox who told me I wasn't welcomed for which there were quite a few.
I didn't need to be welcomed as it was public space.
I faintly remember you piping in and saying something absurd on this issue.
But I wasn't going to waste my time squabbling about it especially since I could probably get all of them convicted of murder by having the alleged murdered victim testify in court it was them that killed him/her.
I was still having difficulties interpreting people's subtle intentions towards me which is highly problematic in the type of interactions I generally engage.
That's the only reason I concerned myself with the issue that night when I heard the Shoutbox was to be no more as it really had ceased to be public space as demonstrated by that argument put to me, otherwise, I couldn't have cared less.
I was happy for you all when I heard spyed had decided to put the Shoutbox off site although I still have no idea what was gained by decommissioning the Shoutbox as I have never met duller people in my entire life than the people who frequent this godforsaken site, at least, the Shoutbox had a few people with interesting personalities none more so than Teni.
At the heart of all this for me is my time on that other site when I was nineteen.
In spite of the fact the whole thing turned into a goddamn nightmare I have such fond memories of my participations on that site.
They were such unusual dynamics insofar as I was the least worldly of our little group which consisted of both men and women and yet I was the phenomenon which only added to the air of pandemonium and chaos as it was such a hugely popular site back in 2001.
Of course, me having attended an all girl Catholic convent school until I was eighteen it came as a complete but delightful surprise my appearance in combination with my sassy wit would be so well received by so many people.
The thing I most remember though is the feeling of security and comfort I felt in the group.
Rarely have I ever felt so warm and cosy amongst people.
The fact it was an online experience still baffles me to this day.
When I joined TDSF all the psychopaths were convinced I was a Mod because I received preferential treatment from the Site Administrator and Mods from the very get go.
But that's the issue as I tend to receive that type of treatment everywhere I go, which is just more due to good fortune than anything else.
It is very easy for me when people are unfriendly towards me.
I don't guard against those types of people.
I guard against the people who pretend to be friendly towards me.
I wouldn't have cared less about the psychopaths had it not been for that sensually exotic morning that occurred a day or so after I had farewelled the forum.
At the time, I had no idea the most likely cause was an unusual high pressure system hovering overhead that somehow stayed put for three or four months.
But I had all of life's issues to deal with at the time, I still couldn't walk properly, I was now recovering from a severe illness for which I was only beginning to realise the toll it had taken on me and I had some fucking psychopath constantly spamming my thread.
I still remember the night I was just sitting here full of self-pity watching this idiot spam my thread yet again when the thought occurred to me I could really mess with this idiot's head.
I was a totally new woman on a mission after that as I was going to make this fucking idiot regret the day he ever met me.
Still to this day, of all the things people have said about me over the years the phrase I most cherish is how the Vietnam Vet at TDSF - the guy I had befriended and who I had directed that Victoria's Secret video towards - described my performance when getting that psychopath to walk around his home with a loaded shotgun, which was heretofore unseen venom.
That is a compliment coming from a guy who experienced the horrors of the Vietnam War.
Hopefully, in these two extended posts, I have been able to provide some insight for you as to what the whole thing was about with me.
I've got dear, dear Wufpacker whose only mistake was to send me a courtesy note to qualify his comment he had made in response to the comment I had made on naked-in-the-rain deviation now suffering with a phobia about responding to caustic witty comments by strange women on the Internet for the rest of his life.
I was already in the processes of sizing up the situation with the psychopaths at TDSF for what was going to be the grand finale of my time on the Internet and I just wanted to see what would be the reaction if I were to share this story of mine with someone who wasn't a certifiable deranged psychopath.
Some of these psychopaths were creative geniuses who prided themselves on their communication skills so I got the best of both world's insofar as witty dialogue without having to worry about any romantic complications so I was free to be myself, which is near on impossible on the Internet for a woman like me.
Even so, I would occasionally miss someone not taking an interest in me as a woman.
I would have wanted for nothing more than to have found some pink cloud online where I could stretch out naked with charming and witty company and for none of it to have mattered.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=F57P9C…
Alas, it was not to be.
I am actually laughing out loud in regards to the comment you made about that dress she posted. I don't remember what it looked like, only that it was hideous.
"The women of Mojo" were all essentially fly-by-nighters. They did not stick around long. The general dislike for them was likely too much for them to handle.
I am still in hysterics about that dress. Partially because I am over tired, and partially because it's completely truthful.
...now about that nap I mentioned.
"The women of Mojo" were all essentially fly-by-nighters. They did not stick around long. The general dislike for them was likely too much for them to handle.
I am still in hysterics about that dress. Partially because I am over tired, and partially because it's completely truthful.
...now about that nap I mentioned.