unfortunately i'm not gonna be able to tell you anything new here...it's the same for pretty much everyone, mindnumbing amounts of practice. even a few years ago i did things completely differently and thought i had it worked out...
and then i changed again. it's a neverending cycle of learning and unlearning, and it starts by not giving up. everything else is a matter of time.
i can tell you this, what you thought impossible will become a routine after a year of hard practice.