Comment on AvoGsy's profile
College, my lao language, and misunderstanding people.
I can't even talk in my lao language to my old folks.
I can't understand them.
I have been white wash ever since and I never knew of it.
My grandma and my mom tried to talk to me in their language. I understand less and they get mad at me.
It's damn difficult to understand from another language.
Even my aunt. She got mad at me when I understand less lao.
I want to be American. Just a American without any other religious and country in my blood.
College...I'm in deep shit. I can't even learn after I studied one of classes. My mind pulls a plug and tells me to give up. I'm just going to take a break from college.
I want to finish college. I really want to. I want to friends with others, but I can't. Something kept me silent. I decline to everyone because I feel like suicidal. I can't even talk. I talk so gibberish that no one understands me at all. All the loud voices from the outside makes me kill me. I tempted to kill myself so many times alone in the kitchen, my room, my bathroom, and the garage. I don't deserve to be in anyone else life. I want to speak more clearly that everyone can understand me instead of talking gibberish. I was never okay when I first realize how I act and sound like.
I want to move out of the house so bad. I don't have to hear any complaints from my family. Cleaning my own damn mess and no one elses. No one can tell me what to do. I'll be so glad if I had my own room from all these years. I hate sharing a room with my mom. Driving my own car with car insurance. Paying my own bills. Those are my dreams to be independent, but no. I just can't understand them. I can't anything. I can't argue back. I'm just too damn silent. I can't raise my voice because I felt lifeless. I feel like I want my mother to die. She and I fought many times for nonsense things. She asked me "Do you want me to die?!?" I got sick and tired of her nonsense. I just go ahead and said, "Yes. Just die where I can't hear you. You damn bitch." She just quivers and went silent. I haven't talk to her after a month. She tried to have a mother and daughter time. I just completely ignore her like she doesn't exist to me.
My brother tried to get me talk to her.
I told him he was right that I can't understand Lao and I don't want to speak Lao anymore. I just don't understand and I give up my studies in college.
The only one I am good at is drawing animations.
Why can't I yearn education in college and speak clearly in my language and understand them well.
I'm all too der and anti-social when I keep on thinking to give up college and pity myself for being an idiot. Why didn't I search for a job before going to college in the first place?
I just want to kill me. Just want to kill myself.
I'm fine to be in Hell. I don't give damn to be in Heaven or limbo or any places I go to.
Everything drives me nuts.
I can't even talk in my lao language to my old folks.
I can't understand them.
I have been white wash ever since and I never knew of it.
My grandma and my mom tried to talk to me in their language. I understand less and they get mad at me.
It's damn difficult to understand from another language.
Even my aunt. She got mad at me when I understand less lao.
I want to be American. Just a American without any other religious and country in my blood.
College...I'm in deep shit. I can't even learn after I studied one of classes. My mind pulls a plug and tells me to give up. I'm just going to take a break from college.
I want to finish college. I really want to. I want to friends with others, but I can't. Something kept me silent. I decline to everyone because I feel like suicidal. I can't even talk. I talk so gibberish that no one understands me at all. All the loud voices from the outside makes me kill me. I tempted to kill myself so many times alone in the kitchen, my room, my bathroom, and the garage. I don't deserve to be in anyone else life. I want to speak more clearly that everyone can understand me instead of talking gibberish. I was never okay when I first realize how I act and sound like.
I want to move out of the house so bad. I don't have to hear any complaints from my family. Cleaning my own damn mess and no one elses. No one can tell me what to do. I'll be so glad if I had my own room from all these years. I hate sharing a room with my mom. Driving my own car with car insurance. Paying my own bills. Those are my dreams to be independent, but no. I just can't understand them. I can't anything. I can't argue back. I'm just too damn silent. I can't raise my voice because I felt lifeless. I feel like I want my mother to die. She and I fought many times for nonsense things. She asked me "Do you want me to die?!?" I got sick and tired of her nonsense. I just go ahead and said, "Yes. Just die where I can't hear you. You damn bitch." She just quivers and went silent. I haven't talk to her after a month. She tried to have a mother and daughter time. I just completely ignore her like she doesn't exist to me.
My brother tried to get me talk to her.
I told him he was right that I can't understand Lao and I don't want to speak Lao anymore. I just don't understand and I give up my studies in college.
The only one I am good at is drawing animations.
Why can't I yearn education in college and speak clearly in my language and understand them well.
I'm all too der and anti-social when I keep on thinking to give up college and pity myself for being an idiot. Why didn't I search for a job before going to college in the first place?
I just want to kill me. Just want to kill myself.
I'm fine to be in Hell. I don't give damn to be in Heaven or limbo or any places I go to.
Everything drives me nuts.
I'm sorry to hear that....
There's nothing for me to encourage myself.
I tried talking to my mother and acts rushing everything before her death. It's veryvery DUMB of her. She doesn't have to rush to get some food.
Wtf is wrong with my mother. She always goes "huh?"
She always piss me off.
I have to be aggressive to her.
I tried being kind and gentle to her, but she kept being a mess! A MESS!!! I don't have a clue. I just don't have a clue. And also my oldest brother. I never like him. We never like each other, but sometimes we get along at certain point. He hates driving my mother to some places because if gas and he's too damn tired. He complains I need to drive her because it's suffering him. I was what the fuck??? I thought of him being an idiot. He wants to go to the military so he doesn't have to deal with this shit. He's a piece of shit. I'm a piece of shit, too! Whenever I talk to him, I can't talk back nor complain. I can't even talk. That's why I can't talk anyone!
Long time ago, He always says I'm scared of my aunt.
I was scared of my aunt since my parents' divorce. Right now, he's still saying it. I'm scare of him, my aunt, and mostly everyone else. I just shut everyone out of my life.
He's right I know nothing. What else was I suppose to do? I've always hate myself from my birth.
I tried talking to my mother and acts rushing everything before her death. It's veryvery DUMB of her. She doesn't have to rush to get some food.
Wtf is wrong with my mother. She always goes "huh?"
She always piss me off.
I have to be aggressive to her.
I tried being kind and gentle to her, but she kept being a mess! A MESS!!! I don't have a clue. I just don't have a clue. And also my oldest brother. I never like him. We never like each other, but sometimes we get along at certain point. He hates driving my mother to some places because if gas and he's too damn tired. He complains I need to drive her because it's suffering him. I was what the fuck??? I thought of him being an idiot. He wants to go to the military so he doesn't have to deal with this shit. He's a piece of shit. I'm a piece of shit, too! Whenever I talk to him, I can't talk back nor complain. I can't even talk. That's why I can't talk anyone!
Long time ago, He always says I'm scared of my aunt.
I was scared of my aunt since my parents' divorce. Right now, he's still saying it. I'm scare of him, my aunt, and mostly everyone else. I just shut everyone out of my life.
He's right I know nothing. What else was I suppose to do? I've always hate myself from my birth.
You're not a piece of shit.
And I know how you feel about not being about to stand up for myself. I can't stand up to my dad for still treating me like a teenager.
And I know how you feel about not being about to stand up for myself. I can't stand up to my dad for still treating me like a teenager.
Like my aunt always said, "You've got one mom/dad. You have appreciate your parent(s). They've done everything for you."
I just can't deal with this crap. I just can't...I feel uncomfortable and insecure.
My chest is pounding and my tears just flows down out of the blue.
I want to move out alone, but I can't. I got nothing.
I've always hate having siblings.
I don't argue nor getting angry. I'm just in my own little world.
Every single days, my family starts a loud ruckus in the morning.
I've always hate loud noises. I always stay in my room because
I don't want to draw attention to them.
This is getting more ridiculous and more complicated ever since I enter in college.
I just can't deal with this crap. I just can't...I feel uncomfortable and insecure.
My chest is pounding and my tears just flows down out of the blue.
I want to move out alone, but I can't. I got nothing.
I've always hate having siblings.
I don't argue nor getting angry. I'm just in my own little world.
Every single days, my family starts a loud ruckus in the morning.
I've always hate loud noises. I always stay in my room because
I don't want to draw attention to them.
This is getting more ridiculous and more complicated ever since I enter in college.
I know how you feel, Avo.
From top of that, I'm recovering from my sickness this week.
I fail all of classes in the final exam because I was sick.
I was feeling fine from Monday morning.
Till then, I first step in college and I just got sick!
I don't even know how that happen.
My nose starts running and my cough gave me the tickles in my throat. I felt groggy. Feels bad man.
Thanks for listening my complicated stress.
I felt so ugly talking to myself.
I fail all of classes in the final exam because I was sick.
I was feeling fine from Monday morning.
Till then, I first step in college and I just got sick!
I don't even know how that happen.
My nose starts running and my cough gave me the tickles in my throat. I felt groggy. Feels bad man.
Thanks for listening my complicated stress.
I felt so ugly talking to myself.
You're welcome. 
If you still ever have anything you need to get out of your chest, just come talk to me. I'll listen. ^^
If you still ever have anything you need to get out of your chest, just come talk to me. I'll listen. ^^View all replies