No magic words I can say, of course -- but I do wish you the best and have great hopes that your heart will continue to heal. I've been in a similar relationship situation, albeit one before Facebook and constant everybody-knows-everything techno bubbles of communication in the Twitterverse. I can't even imagine.

My heart's with you -- and I wish you the very, very best.

- Janson.

Thanks. Yeah, I think there are some aspects of one's life that should remain private, particularly when it affects others. You'd think after 3.5 years together he'd at least give a crap, but he really doesn't.

The thing that gets me is the apology letters I've gotten. I mean dude, don't lie about being sorry and then screw me over again.

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Having raised a daughter, this whole Alex thing is pissing me off all over again (damn that Paul Allen for dumping my little girl in 11th grade!). I know, you are not my daughter, but I feel like you deserve much better than the shit parade you've fallen into recently. I will say this: remember the fourth dimension! All of this crap is anchored firmly in the now. Time heals all [blah blah blah]. Just went one too far, didn't I... Well, you get the essence, other (better) things will fill this hole in your spirit as you travel along your personal Jennifer time line. Some might say you need this emptiness you are experiencing in order to be open to the fulfillment that is surely to be in your future. I mean, let's face it, you are gorgeous, talented and full of life [normally]; how could you NOT have great things in your future. Oops, just thought of one way this could really screw up your future happiness, if you let it! . I know its hard, but you must let go of the judgment and resentment toward the scum couple. That may not be doable right now, and that's understandable. But nothing new can happen in your life as long as you hold onto these old feelings.

On another note, I did not visit my dying grandfather at the suggestion of my parents. Always regretted it. Thought you might want to know that...

Hang in there kid. *hugs*

Thank you. You're right.

I think if I had something else going for me right now it'd be easier. Or maybe it's the way he did everything. After three and a half years, we were going to move in together. We were planning a life together. If it wasn't working and we needed to go our separate ways, fine, but he went out of his way to burn every single bridge he could. Everything was maximized to hurt me as much as possible. There was no final nail in the coffin of our relationship... He brought a freaking nail gun to the funeral home and is still firing it.

I start to feel better, then I have to go to work again and see him AND her, but I need this job. I go between being infuriated at him and crying over what was and should have been. I've definitely learned that hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. I wish I could be indifferent. I'm just not there yet.

I've been mulling over going home, and I think at this point I need to consider how best to help my family, because she's basically gone. If I went now, my sister would want to go too (or feel guilty for not going), and I know this would rip her apart. Nobody loved this woman like my sister, and that's basically what kept her in our lives at all. Michelle has been confronted with some horrible situations in her life and while she's an incredibly strong person, she also gets a little crazy. She's at school a solid 6 or 7 hour drive from my parents but only two hours from me, so I think when we get the inevitable phone call I may end up having to drive up to be with her. We have definite plans to go home together next weekend if nothing else.

Thanks again.

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He didn't deserve you anyway. I never thought so.
There's somebody way better for you.


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_{If you are not part of the solution...
You are part of the problem}

I hope so. I just wish I hadn't been collateral damage from his quarter-life crisis, or whatever it is he's having.

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I'm so sorry to read about your recent troubles...so many things at once. Personally, I have always found the perfect balm in nature. Other have found the same: [link]

Hang in there.

Thanks. And I agree.

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