Comment on False Truths, False Hopes by bonbon3272
Woei woei, that's awesome. I need to rewrite stuff for Mindhunter, but I'm not really feeling like it, so I'm working on Anri and Ando until I do.
Cools.
Okay, so I was reading your story last night to get a feel for the characters. It takes some getting used to. I'm more familiar with Mindhunter, hehe. I still haven't finished...sorry. But if I could suggest something for the beginning, to "show" more of the characters versus "telling". That way there's a sense of who the person is by their actions or someone else's point of view. (And I also realize that if you're still hammering out details, that's cool, please ignore this)
Example: Where is says "you could see they ignored each other mostly. Everything pointed at them not being able to get along well"
Maybe have them get into an argument, or if the warrior likes remaining silent all the time, have mister prissy pants say something that goes ignored and his feelings toward that guy.
Just my two cents for the day
Okay, so I was reading your story last night to get a feel for the characters. It takes some getting used to. I'm more familiar with Mindhunter, hehe. I still haven't finished...sorry. But if I could suggest something for the beginning, to "show" more of the characters versus "telling". That way there's a sense of who the person is by their actions or someone else's point of view. (And I also realize that if you're still hammering out details, that's cool, please ignore this)
Example: Where is says "you could see they ignored each other mostly. Everything pointed at them not being able to get along well"
Maybe have them get into an argument, or if the warrior likes remaining silent all the time, have mister prissy pants say something that goes ignored and his feelings toward that guy.
Just my two cents for the day