I like the idea of modern parables. This is a good one 
I like that our Jane Doe starts out as a normal person - no disorder or mental issues. I think that makes the eventual anorexia more effective than is she had wandered in already unhealthily thin.
I think you lose it a little here: That was when she began to decay inside. Absolute power corrupts absolutely; there was no way Jane could escape the way her crown was thrust upon her. I don't really think you need to throw in the "power corrupts" point - things are already a bit heavy handed in the "healthy body image" message. I like that she becomes lazy over time and has to work for their love again, but I'd leave power out of it completely.
Other than that though, I like the matter-of-fact tone you chose to take with it. It gives it a fable-esque quality that's very fitting (and that fable-esque quality is what keeps it from being too heavy handed I think). I could see this as the beginning of a modern series of fables
I like that our Jane Doe starts out as a normal person - no disorder or mental issues. I think that makes the eventual anorexia more effective than is she had wandered in already unhealthily thin.
I think you lose it a little here: That was when she began to decay inside. Absolute power corrupts absolutely; there was no way Jane could escape the way her crown was thrust upon her. I don't really think you need to throw in the "power corrupts" point - things are already a bit heavy handed in the "healthy body image" message. I like that she becomes lazy over time and has to work for their love again, but I'd leave power out of it completely.
Other than that though, I like the matter-of-fact tone you chose to take with it. It gives it a fable-esque quality that's very fitting (and that fable-esque quality is what keeps it from being too heavy handed I think). I could see this as the beginning of a modern series of fables
Thanks so much--I'll keep it all in mind when I (finally get off my ass and) revise. I agree with what you're saying about the "power corrupts" thing. I'm tempted to see if I could figure out a series of modern-day parables; that could be interesting!
Are the stereotypes too over-the-top and offensive? That's really one of my main concerns, to be honest with you.
Are the stereotypes too over-the-top and offensive? That's really one of my main concerns, to be honest with you.
I don't think so, though I do wonder a bit about your choice of using a soccer mom as the main character - it seems like the average teenager would be a better fitting archetype 
...Oooh. I do like that better... Thank you, I'll let that stew for a bit. 
(And really, it's an easy fix, if I remember the story's structure well enough)
(And really, it's an easy fix, if I remember the story's structure well enough)