Comment on Marx Piba and Trinity by Tamway-Doyle
Alright, this looks a lot better but there are still some points that need addressing.
Marx looks good, but the fact that he can read should go under "other" not "strengths."
For Piba, the description of her power just sort of... cuts off in mid sentence. Can you elaborate?
Finally, we're sort of iffy about Trinity's foresight. How exactly does it work? If she can tell every move an opponent is going to make exactly before they do it, that isn't going to work because it makes it impossible for your opponent to successfully surprise your characters. Also, you seem to have a the winter solstice confused with a solar eclipse. The solstice isn't an eclipse, it's just the day when the sun shines for the shortest time and the night is the longest.
Marx looks good, but the fact that he can read should go under "other" not "strengths."
For Piba, the description of her power just sort of... cuts off in mid sentence. Can you elaborate?
Finally, we're sort of iffy about Trinity's foresight. How exactly does it work? If she can tell every move an opponent is going to make exactly before they do it, that isn't going to work because it makes it impossible for your opponent to successfully surprise your characters. Also, you seem to have a the winter solstice confused with a solar eclipse. The solstice isn't an eclipse, it's just the day when the sun shines for the shortest time and the night is the longest.
Oh, okay. I didn't realize you were telling me to move it... I say derp.
What!? -looks- I swear to you that I typed up a description! Eurgh. DA has just failed at life.
No, she can't tell all that stuff, I'll elaborate. And the whole 'solstice and eclipse' thing I'll elaborate on too, because I mean that an eclipse is supposed to happen on the winter solstice, which is actually kind of a sort of tie-in with another story I got. The solstice and eclipse combining is supposedly the ultimate bad omen or something similar.
(Third time is the charm!)
What!? -looks- I swear to you that I typed up a description! Eurgh. DA has just failed at life.
No, she can't tell all that stuff, I'll elaborate. And the whole 'solstice and eclipse' thing I'll elaborate on too, because I mean that an eclipse is supposed to happen on the winter solstice, which is actually kind of a sort of tie-in with another story I got. The solstice and eclipse combining is supposedly the ultimate bad omen or something similar.
(Third time is the charm!)
Alright, we just need a little more clarification of Piba's power. First, when she runs out of the glue, how long does it take to build back up again? Also, considering the stuff comes from her own claws, could she end up accidentally getting stuck in her own glue if she's not careful?
(By the way, it really isn't necessary to resubmit your deviation to the group every time you edit it, we haven't deleted the submission. Just reply to this comment to let us know when you're ready for us to look again.)
(By the way, it really isn't necessary to resubmit your deviation to the group every time you edit it, we haven't deleted the submission. Just reply to this comment to let us know when you're ready for us to look again.)
Oh, well then. Whoopsie; sorry for the spam!
It's fixed.
It's fixed.
"it can take anywhere from between twenty-four to forty-eight hours for her entire supply of fluid to run out"
I think you meant replenish, comrade.
I think you meant replenish, comrade.
Did I seriously type that? 
Forgive me for typing past ten o'clock. It never ends well.
Forgive me for typing past ten o'clock. It never ends well.Alright, looks good. I'll add them to the group, thank you for your patience.
You're quite welcome! 
May I make a fistpump now?
May I make a fistpump now?
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