Comment on Antipodes- Chapter 21 by PK-13-12
Wow, why haven't I stopped to comment on this yet? Huh, I might as well do that now then; no time like the present!
First, this story is amazing. Everything from character development to world building has been spectacular. I even think the weak points are above par, this story is honestly that good. The characters are believable -- if not on the Mary-sue side, but that's extremely rare -- you construct vivid imagery, and for the past few chapters provided us with riveting action. That being said, I do think that you may have stretched the action a tad too far. I'm glad you have these breaks right now, after all of that they deserve a little R & R, even if it's still pretty freaking dangerous. Not only do they add a needed slow down, but they allow time for characters to reflect and rationalize what is going on in their horribly turned around lives.
Let me just say here and now that my heart is bleeding for Incendia. She's not the focus, she may never be the focus, she was just a character thrust into a story to speed along the plot. That said, she is my favorite character. With chapter 19 you just fleshed her out so well, and I really took a shine to her after that. Through those little instances of loneliness, you caused me to feel for her. She can't even be happy right now, but I wont her so much to be. I really just wish I could give her a big hug and put a smile on he face, but sadly I can't do that and I am forced to watch her toil away in a sea of emotion.
She better get a damn happy ending...
(also, the line "nobody fucks with my friends," that really rocketed her up in my good books ^-^)
Don't let my tangent on Incendia think that I forgot about Jigsaw or Tiptoe however. Incendia may be in my spotlight, but they're just as important and definitely on the radar. Tiptoe has to be my second favorite, her life and past just resonate with me. Her being a pegasus, and pegasus being looked down on at home, as well as never before being able to fly? This entire adventure must be extremely liberating for her, if not totally quelling that feeling with utter fear. When she said that she didn't want to go back underground, she would rather stay on the surface with the sky, I understood and I felt sorry for her. (then when she let slip "I got enough of that at school", my heart ached, how sad...)
That leaves Jigsaw as last of the three. Don't get me wrong, they're all wonderful and well crafted -- If I had a graph made to show their ratings of awesomeness, you would barely be able to tell the difference. It's horrible that he lost his love, and doubly o that he did nothing to save her. He must have internally (if not physically) tor himself up. Then he meets Tiptoe and he feels the feelings re-occurring, re-emerging, and he slowly falls for this new pegasus. It's heartwarming and quite a sight to behold.
Here comes my dilemma, I have an inherent dislike for love triangles -- I normally can't stand them! I find that they are cheap ways to build up drama, but that's all just my opinion. It's painfully obvious we have a budding love triangle forming. To quickly state why I don't like them -- they normally always end with one heart being broken, and the problem here is that I like both hearts being set up on the chopping block. That said, I don't see any problem that I normally have with love triangles,you write too well for me to throw a fit over it. I just hope to heaven and all those above that Incendia comes out of this happy (because honestly, so far, Tiptoes relationship with Jigsaw is by far the stronger, and Incendia doesn't even believe this is fair to any of them)
The line the shadow-enchantment-thing said to Jigsaw stuck with me: "Antimony wants you to be happy".
Yeah?
WELL I WANT INCENDIA TO BE HAPPY!
*Ahem* Greatjobi'mgoingtogorreadtherestofyourwonderfulstoynowokaygoodjobpeaceandlovei'mout~
First, this story is amazing. Everything from character development to world building has been spectacular. I even think the weak points are above par, this story is honestly that good. The characters are believable -- if not on the Mary-sue side, but that's extremely rare -- you construct vivid imagery, and for the past few chapters provided us with riveting action. That being said, I do think that you may have stretched the action a tad too far. I'm glad you have these breaks right now, after all of that they deserve a little R & R, even if it's still pretty freaking dangerous. Not only do they add a needed slow down, but they allow time for characters to reflect and rationalize what is going on in their horribly turned around lives.
Let me just say here and now that my heart is bleeding for Incendia. She's not the focus, she may never be the focus, she was just a character thrust into a story to speed along the plot. That said, she is my favorite character. With chapter 19 you just fleshed her out so well, and I really took a shine to her after that. Through those little instances of loneliness, you caused me to feel for her. She can't even be happy right now, but I wont her so much to be. I really just wish I could give her a big hug and put a smile on he face, but sadly I can't do that and I am forced to watch her toil away in a sea of emotion.
She better get a damn happy ending...
(also, the line "nobody fucks with my friends," that really rocketed her up in my good books ^-^)
Don't let my tangent on Incendia think that I forgot about Jigsaw or Tiptoe however. Incendia may be in my spotlight, but they're just as important and definitely on the radar. Tiptoe has to be my second favorite, her life and past just resonate with me. Her being a pegasus, and pegasus being looked down on at home, as well as never before being able to fly? This entire adventure must be extremely liberating for her, if not totally quelling that feeling with utter fear. When she said that she didn't want to go back underground, she would rather stay on the surface with the sky, I understood and I felt sorry for her. (then when she let slip "I got enough of that at school", my heart ached, how sad...)
That leaves Jigsaw as last of the three. Don't get me wrong, they're all wonderful and well crafted -- If I had a graph made to show their ratings of awesomeness, you would barely be able to tell the difference. It's horrible that he lost his love, and doubly o that he did nothing to save her. He must have internally (if not physically) tor himself up. Then he meets Tiptoe and he feels the feelings re-occurring, re-emerging, and he slowly falls for this new pegasus. It's heartwarming and quite a sight to behold.
Here comes my dilemma, I have an inherent dislike for love triangles -- I normally can't stand them! I find that they are cheap ways to build up drama, but that's all just my opinion. It's painfully obvious we have a budding love triangle forming. To quickly state why I don't like them -- they normally always end with one heart being broken, and the problem here is that I like both hearts being set up on the chopping block. That said, I don't see any problem that I normally have with love triangles,you write too well for me to throw a fit over it. I just hope to heaven and all those above that Incendia comes out of this happy (because honestly, so far, Tiptoes relationship with Jigsaw is by far the stronger, and Incendia doesn't even believe this is fair to any of them)
The line the shadow-enchantment-thing said to Jigsaw stuck with me: "Antimony wants you to be happy".
Yeah?
WELL I WANT INCENDIA TO BE HAPPY!
*Ahem* Greatjobi'mgoingtogorreadtherestofyourwonderfulstoynowokaygoodjobpeaceandlovei'mout~