Comment on Surface - complete by auriond
*glomps*
Thanks, that was the best review I ever got of it ^^
You're not the first person to complain about the "rushed" or "abrupt" ending... but the fact is I don't know how to fix it. XD I told it exactly how Seb remembers it, and I think he didn't remember much, or didn't want to remember much, about the details of Jon's death. And it left something open which I was planning to work on next, but I've forgotten my plans for Seb and Eliza now, so that's a bit of a problem. Any ideas how I might fix it?
Thanks, that was the best review I ever got of it ^^
You're not the first person to complain about the "rushed" or "abrupt" ending... but the fact is I don't know how to fix it. XD I told it exactly how Seb remembers it, and I think he didn't remember much, or didn't want to remember much, about the details of Jon's death. And it left something open which I was planning to work on next, but I've forgotten my plans for Seb and Eliza now, so that's a bit of a problem. Any ideas how I might fix it?
It's how Seb remembers it but you're still the one writing it. 
You've got him by the balls.
What threw me off wasn't that the situation was rushed so much, but that the scene ends and he just cuts to talking about the aftermath. There isn't much of a segue. My immediate thought would be to cut it after this - No one loved Jon like me. No one knew. and then write an extra section, the way the story is told in sections, if you wanted to still fill everybody in one where they went with it. The last three paragraphs give a bit of an epilogue but they're just tacked on there, there isn't a break to absorb what's just happened and, like I said, no real segue.
And, if you were to do that, you'd have to fill in the last bit a little more just so that it fit with the rest of the story, so that it doesn't change gears so quickly. I don't know what you want to do with that, lol, so I don't know what else to say.
It's your story, so it's all up to you.
You've got him by the balls.What threw me off wasn't that the situation was rushed so much, but that the scene ends and he just cuts to talking about the aftermath. There isn't much of a segue. My immediate thought would be to cut it after this - No one loved Jon like me. No one knew. and then write an extra section, the way the story is told in sections, if you wanted to still fill everybody in one where they went with it. The last three paragraphs give a bit of an epilogue but they're just tacked on there, there isn't a break to absorb what's just happened and, like I said, no real segue.
And, if you were to do that, you'd have to fill in the last bit a little more just so that it fit with the rest of the story, so that it doesn't change gears so quickly. I don't know what you want to do with that, lol, so I don't know what else to say.
It's your story, so it's all up to you.