Okay, if you're a writer, work on it.
#1 - Stop using so many adjectives within single clause sentences.
#2 - Stop using the rule of 3 so much.
#3 - Less commas, more connectives. Your prose makes for quite a disruptive read due to so many commas. Try reading it out loud and you end up panting.
#4 - Please, more on the actual characters, less on what they are doing. For a love story (Joan and Celeste Part 1) there's very little emotive language from their perspective and near none of their actual feelings and thoughts that makes it a love story.
Also, you must be a terrible writer if you cannot fathom the comprehension to be able to write about such 'evils' as me. Maybe that should be your aim in literature. I look forward to reading about the 'evil' adventures of Brit-Nationalist.
#1 - Stop using so many adjectives within single clause sentences.
#2 - Stop using the rule of 3 so much.
#3 - Less commas, more connectives. Your prose makes for quite a disruptive read due to so many commas. Try reading it out loud and you end up panting.
#4 - Please, more on the actual characters, less on what they are doing. For a love story (Joan and Celeste Part 1) there's very little emotive language from their perspective and near none of their actual feelings and thoughts that makes it a love story.
Also, you must be a terrible writer if you cannot fathom the comprehension to be able to write about such 'evils' as me. Maybe that should be your aim in literature. I look forward to reading about the 'evil' adventures of Brit-Nationalist.