orion-mk3's avatar
I like the rhythm of this piece; the interruptions and changes in speaker seem to mirror the thumping bass beats described in the opening. Incidentally, there's an interesting interplay between the "gay bar upstairs" and the word "fag" for a cigarette. Was that intentional?

The subject matter's a bit beyond my pale, but the craft is excellent. Good job!
tragiccomedy's avatar
The interplay between "gay bar" and "fag" was half intentional... it is a colloquial term, and I thought it would fit in well considering the scenery.

Glad you enjoyed!