Comment on 2011 - 2015 by krhart
It's okay, I was confused about what happened for a while and didn't really know what to feel, mostly thinking I said something wrong; but eventually I decided that it was probably something bigger that I didn't know about, and that if someone resorts to strong distancing then trying to close the distance will only stress them more (that's at least how it works for me when I do it).
I think the thing with 'being someone' is just a matter of having abysmal self-esteem but still setting very high standards for myself which I rarely meet, then I get depressed for not meeting them and self-esteem/confidence goes even lower, etc. etc. downward spiral ensues. Any time I start acknowledging that there are objective reasons for why I am where I am now - some (but not all) beyond my control - I start to blame myself for coming up with excuses. It's like I have my own personal flock of assholes in my head that criticize me when I'm already down for not being something better than human.
I'm still here, though, if you ever need to talk.
I think the thing with 'being someone' is just a matter of having abysmal self-esteem but still setting very high standards for myself which I rarely meet, then I get depressed for not meeting them and self-esteem/confidence goes even lower, etc. etc. downward spiral ensues. Any time I start acknowledging that there are objective reasons for why I am where I am now - some (but not all) beyond my control - I start to blame myself for coming up with excuses. It's like I have my own personal flock of assholes in my head that criticize me when I'm already down for not being something better than human.
I'm still here, though, if you ever need to talk.