SanityisfortheSane's avatar
What you just described isn't what demisexuality is.. but may be what any person thinks of it on first impression. News flash: It's not. 

I'm demisexual. This is not because I want to wait on being intimate with someone, like any other sexuality being demi is not a choice. Demisexuals are on the ace spectrum. Demi's literally don't feel any initial attraction to anyone. Unlike an asexual, demisexuals do however have the ability to become sexually attracted to someone after developing a deep emotional bond to them. This bond to me is not based on gender, but the bond alone to that one individual person. We develop sexual feelings only after becoming close to someone. A demiseuxal does not find just anyone attractive of any gender, they are practically asexual before bonding to someone. We. feel. no. initial. attraction. That's it. That's our sexuality. 

A lot of people don't understand it. A lot of people never will. Even those who try to understand it don't quite get it. Things that are normal to a non-demi are things that a demi doesn't or can't understand either. I'll never comprehend cheating or talking about how attractive someone is, or having a crush. These are things a demisexual generally does not experience that others experience as normal. If my friend showed me pictures of "attractive" men or woman and asked which I found attractive, I'd say neither.  I never find anyone attractive, I don't have an interest or desire in it.  But fast forward to after getting to know my girlfriend, I now feel attracted to her, but no one else. Ever. When I first began dating her though? I thought I was asexual. I used to think I may have been aromantic too. I didn't develop feelings until months after, not until we bonded. I realized then that I was demi. 

This article explains it pretty well for the curious: demisexuality.org/articles/wha…

If you don't agree with it fine, but please don't come into a demisexual space to tell us you don't think we're real, that's quite a dick move on your part and does not make you look intelligent. I don't see why you feel the need to assert your opinion here if not just to boast your ill acquitted ego. Your opinion doesn't matter. We exist. We always will.  

-A demiromantic/demisexual
GrapeBerries's avatar
Hiigh-yena's avatar
^^^
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LastMinuteDotCom's avatar
Thanks for describing it, I always thought I was just Asexual until I met my girlfriend.
I didn't feel any romantic attraction to her at first, not even the "wow they're attractive/good looking" thing a lot of people get, but once I got to know them a bit more, I felt more romantic attraction towards her.
When we first began dating I still felt like was a Ace, but when our relationship developed, I gradually felt more attracted to her, and began to feel sexual attraction towards her too.
SanityisfortheSane's avatar
No problem. :)

I feel a need to stand up for what it is to be demi, given so many people misunderstand what it really means. It's one of those sexualities that's difficult to explain to others, especially when there's a lot of people who don't understand aces to begin with. 

I'm happy to hear you went through a similar experience that I did though, and wish you and your partner the best!
glovannas's avatar