Comment on AMCAlmaron's profile
Whoops, sorry, got distracted drawing up the plans for that board game...you can see it on FB, if you're curious. Or at least the latest draft!
Let me see...hmm, I'm still kind of clueless, I'm afraid. The only thing that springs to mind is...well, it seemed a bit odd to me how excited Silvy was about Holly getting her busker's permit; maybe you should make it that she's got one already, and Silvy's excited because this it the day they can at last perform together? Heck, perhaps Silvy's already playing something in public? That way it could end with them performing a duet in the park...perhaps leading on to some music performance or something? Like, maybe someone's handing out flyers for some music festival with a prize for the winner?
Minor thing, there's a bit of repetition in the first part? That second line also doesn't end...
As Holly finished having a bath and drying herself off, she walked into her bedroom to get dressed. As she pulled on a black skirt, a blue hoodie and a black cardigan over herself, letting he wings poke out though the zipped down backholes in her upper clothes. As she dressed, she thought about the busking she wanted to do so badly, for so long.
Easily fixed, mind; I think you just need to merge the latter two lines, and perhaps change the start of the second line too?
Let me see...hmm, I'm still kind of clueless, I'm afraid. The only thing that springs to mind is...well, it seemed a bit odd to me how excited Silvy was about Holly getting her busker's permit; maybe you should make it that she's got one already, and Silvy's excited because this it the day they can at last perform together? Heck, perhaps Silvy's already playing something in public? That way it could end with them performing a duet in the park...perhaps leading on to some music performance or something? Like, maybe someone's handing out flyers for some music festival with a prize for the winner?
Minor thing, there's a bit of repetition in the first part? That second line also doesn't end...
As Holly finished having a bath and drying herself off, she walked into her bedroom to get dressed. As she pulled on a black skirt, a blue hoodie and a black cardigan over herself, letting he wings poke out though the zipped down backholes in her upper clothes. As she dressed, she thought about the busking she wanted to do so badly, for so long.
Easily fixed, mind; I think you just need to merge the latter two lines, and perhaps change the start of the second line too?
That's fine.
Well, she's generally excitable as a person anyway, and Holly's her best friend, so it's a simple case of: she's happy, so I'm happy, yaaay! 
Well, the thing is about Silvy, music's more a secondary thing for her (though she is pretty great with the tambourine: orig00.deviantart.net/a148/f/2… (Wolly is such an awesome artist)). She's a jock, and wants to become a cop/sheriff, like her dad! If she gets into busking with Holly, it's purely for the fun of it. Her motivations are pretty simple in that regard: Hey, that looks like fun! I'm gonna get in on it too!
Ah, okay. Thanks. I'll go and tweak that. 
Do have a look when you can, it's quite epic!
Hmm, right...but even so, wouldn't she need a licence as well? It feels like the scene is leading towards them playing together in the park...
I saw the picture, too...very cute!
Hmm, right...but even so, wouldn't she need a licence as well? It feels like the scene is leading towards them playing together in the park...
I saw the picture, too...very cute!
Actually, I think I have a good idea for it now. Holly goes to see Pete, her friend who's sick with the flu. She plays for him a bit in his room, but then has the idea to try to try and get him something nice for him, leading into the busking: She's raising money for something nice for her friend.
As for Silvy, I guess she could tag in later, going off and getting a permit of her own, a chapter or two in.
Hmm, so maybe the chapter should be split in two, then? So this one ends with her checking up on Pete, then the next one has her meeting with Silvy in the park and them playing together? Perhaps you could make it that Pete got his licence first and Holly's been waiting to perform with him, but now he's REALLY sick, hence why she and Silvy decide to play and get something for him? Perhaps Pete could even give Holly his licence so that Silvy can use it, and thus cover that part of it...
Hm. I'm up for that, actually. I mean, he is the son of a music teacher... Perhaps he could be quite good on the keyboard? That's a little band getting set up there.
See, NOW you got something! There's even a bit of a story to this, though I will admit, a little part of me was niggling to have it go quite dark. Like, Maggie thinks it's just flu, but it's more serious, and Pete's, like, actually dying or something, so it turns into Holly and co trying to raise money for him to get medical treatment, but... This is Norland, which is basically another Canada, so I think there's a more than good chance they'd have a free healthcare system. But yeah, that wraps up a load of my concerns, especially if Holly has a crush on him and everything.
There's even a bit of a story to this, though I will admit, a little part of me was niggling to have it go quite dark. Like, Maggie thinks it's just flu, but it's more serious, and Pete's, like, actually dying or something, so it turns into Holly and co trying to raise money for him to get medical treatment, but... This is Norland, which is basically another Canada, so I think there's a more than good chance they'd have a free healthcare system. But yeah, that wraps up a load of my concerns, especially if Holly has a crush on him and everything.But yeah, awesome. I'll do just that. Thanks! 
That could work...heck, it could even be a chance to explore some of those alternative dragon instruments me and the Keizer were going on about. Hand-held harpsichord, dragon horn/'bowelpipes', giant oboe, etc?
Well, now we're getting a bit of drama to build the story around; I wasn't sure what I was working with before!
You know, that's actually what I was thinking at first; perhaps he's got leukemia or some other wasting disease (which would give parallels with Holly's mother if she wasted away similarly), but that it wouldn't make sense if they were raising money for medical visits in a state like Norrland. Unless it's just to get him a random nice gift or something, but it could still make the story darker. Perhaps it could even be something that's somewhere in the middle; he ends up disabled in some way, so this is part of them trying to lift his spirits again? Something to think about...
Don't forget to look over the Origins stuff when you've got the chance...we're so close to finishing that!
Well, now we're getting a bit of drama to build the story around; I wasn't sure what I was working with before!
You know, that's actually what I was thinking at first; perhaps he's got leukemia or some other wasting disease (which would give parallels with Holly's mother if she wasted away similarly), but that it wouldn't make sense if they were raising money for medical visits in a state like Norrland. Unless it's just to get him a random nice gift or something, but it could still make the story darker. Perhaps it could even be something that's somewhere in the middle; he ends up disabled in some way, so this is part of them trying to lift his spirits again? Something to think about...
Don't forget to look over the Origins stuff when you've got the chance...we're so close to finishing that!
Hang on, Bowelpipe? 
Yeah... Yeah.
Well, that's the thing about how I percieve writing: Happiness always feels better after a long period of suffering? Well, the same is true in reverse: Suffering feels worse when it's a happy, upbeat character whom is finally laid low by the weight of things. It's why that one scene with Joy in the forgotten pit in Inside Out was such a hard hitter on the feels.
Ah, yeah. Sorry. I keep meaning to do it, but I forget...
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